


The transfer Student

by MessusMinnow



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Boy Love, Full Story, M/M, Persona 5 Spoilers, Ryjuji POV, Spoilers, slowburn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 65,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23811787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessusMinnow/pseuds/MessusMinnow
Summary: Ryuji Sakamato was an ex-athlete with a limp and a bad attitude and no future goals ahead of him. That is until he met the transfer student who turned his world upside down.
Relationships: Kitagawa Yusuke/Sakura Futaba, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 87
Kudos: 109





	1. 7:15

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is super long and drawn out, full disclosure. lol. Akira and Ryuji are literally my favorite boys and so I decided to pretty much write a fanfiction containing the entire storyline of Persona 5 except with Akira and Ryuji ending up together. The first half of this story follows the Persona 5 game, and beyond that is storyline that I thought fit. A pre-warning that this story can get pretty angsty especially later on in the fic, I'll give trigger warnings as they are necessary. This is definitely a SLOW BURN fan fiction, with plenty of good old fashioned smut sprinkled along in there. lol. So yeah, please enjoy this ridiculously long (like its legit book length) fan fiction.

Ryuji Sakamato woke up to the sound of car horns honking outside of his small bedroom window. He blinked a couple of times before jolting upright. He grabbed his phone and looked at the time. 7:15 a.m. “Shit!” he ran to the bathroom and began brushing his teeth while trying to comb through his messy hair. He spit into the sink and began searching through his laundry. His mom had cleaned and folded up his school uniform. He threw it on quickly while grabbing up his school bag. He shut and locked the door before racing down the stairs. “Ow!” He stopped and massaged his bum knee. “Damn it!” He continued running to the train station. He couldn’t be late again. He was already getting his ass busted for being an idiot in all of his classes.  
After getting off the train he was still racing towards school when out of the blue it started dumping down rain. “Shit!” he exclaimed and tried to run even faster, his bum leg threatening to give out. ‘That’s just my effin’ luck!’ he thought. He saw a tall girl with gorgeous long hair standing under an awning. Ann Takamaki, someone else was with her too. A car slowed to a stop and he heard that bastard call out to her.  
“You’re gonna be late waiting for the rain to stop. Come on, I’ll give you a ride.” She walked to his car.  
Ryuji started to run faster, trying to catch up to the car. “Hey! Wait!” he yelled after the car. He could almost swear that he saw Komoshida look at him running in the rear-view mirror as he peeled out. “Wait!” he yelled again. “God damn it.” He yelled flipping the car off as it turned the corner. “Damn that pervert teacher!” He was definitely going to be late now.  
“Pervert teacher?” he heard a boy ask behind him. He turned around to see a boy that looked to be about his age. He had black wavy hair that almost reached his eyes and large black glasses.  
“What,” he asked in a threatening tone. “You gonna rat me out to Komoshida?”  
The black haired boy tilted his head, “Komoshida?”  
“You know Komoshida? That asshole in the car that just drove away? You tellin’ me you don’t know him?” Ryuji looked the boy up and down. “You’ve got a Shujin uniform on, what did you just transfer?”  
The boy nodded his head.  
Ryuji then remembered the rumors circulating around all over social media about the transfer student with a criminal record. “Oh, right. You’re that new guy.” He said. “That’s Mr. Komoshida, the PE teacher and volleyball coach. He thinks he’s the king of the castle all because he took the volleyball team to nationals. He’s a real asshole though. I’m Sakamato by the way, Ryuji Sakamato.”  
The other boy gave a small nod of a bow. “Akira Kurusu.” He said quietly.  
“Come on, we better hurry.” He started walking, the black haired boy, Kurusu-kun followed him. He turned down a small alleyway; the school was just up ahead.  
“Huh?” the other boy said.  
“Come on,” Ryuji tried to hurry them along, not wanting to be rude to this new kid, but also not wanting to be any later than he already was.  
The boy was looking back, but continued on.  
Ryuji kept walking and then looked up to the school. But it wasn’t the school. “What the…” he said. Where the school should have been was a huge gothic style castle.  
The other boy looked up too. “Is… that the school?” he asked.  
“It’s supposed to be, but…” Ryuji looked closer. He looked around. “We didn’t take a wrong turn.”  
The other boy looked just as confused as he did. He looked around and then walked up to the castle and pointed at a plaque that read Shujin Academy.  
“What the hell?” Ryuji questioned. “Is this some weird joke? Come on, let’s go ask someone.” They started walking up the castle steps and pulled the large front doors open. “Damn,”  
They were looking around. It seemed like they were in a huge castle, but then every now and again Ryuji almost thought he could see the school. “What’s going on here?” he asked.  
The other boy shrugged his shoulders looking around. “It’s big…”  
Just then a large guy in a weird looking suit of armor walked towards them. “Hey, let’s ask this guy.” He turned to the guy. “Yo, what’s goin’ on? You a student?”  
“Intruders!” he yelled towards them. “How dare you enter our master’s castle.” The armored man came closer.  
“The hell man? What’s this guy talking about?” Ryuji looked at the other boy, who had a worried look on his face.  
More armored men showed up then. “Wait a second.” The armored men surrounded them and he watched as one hit Kurusu over the head before they came for him and everything went black.  
When he woke up he was in what looked like a dungeon cell straight out of one of his fantasy mangas. “What the hell?” he grabbed his head. It was pounding. The black-haired boy was still passed out lying on a wooden slab. “Hey!” he tried shaking the boy awake. He opened his eyes sluggishly. His eyes were such a light blue they were almost grey looking.  
The boy sat up and looked around before grabbing his head in pain as well. “Where are we?” the boy asked.  
“Dunno’ I just came to as well. But if I had to guess, I’d say the dungeons. This doesn’t make any effin’ sense, man. What the hell is goin’ on here?” He tried to pull open the iron door then. It wouldn’t budge. “Damn…” the other boy stood up. “We’ve gotta find a way out of here.”  
The other boy started looking around too, trying to find some sort of crack in the walls. Then they heard loud footsteps that sounded like more men in armor.  
“Shit…” the black-haired boy said under his breath.  
“Prisoners!” A loud voice echoed as the armor-clad men showed up again. “You have trespassed on our great King Komoshida’s castle.”  
They unlocked the door and the two boys stepped backwards. Just then a weird figure appeared. It looked just like Komoshida save for glowing gold eyes. It was wearing what looked like a pink speedo with nothing else and a velvety cape.  
“Wait a minute…” Ryuji looked closer. “Is… is that you, Komoshida?”  
The man who looked like Komoshida gave a wicked smile. “I should have known someone like you would trespass here. Good for nothings like you always get in trouble. But this time it seems like you dragged along some other scum with you.”  
“What the hell? These guys attacked us.” Ryuji yelled.  
“You are charged with trespassing, to which the penalty is… death.” The Komoshida look alike got an evil grin.  
“What the fuck?” Ryuji spat back. “Is this some kind of sick joke?”  
The Komoshida look-alike snapped his finger and two armored men grabbed Ryuji, two others grabbed Kurusu-kun. Ryuji struggled against the armored-men. Komoshida walked over to him and landed a punch to his gut. Ryuji coughed. He looked over at the black-haired boy whose eyes were filled with fear.  
“Dude, they’re not kidding! Run! Get out of here!” he yelled towards the other boy as Komoshida punched him again, silencing him. Was this the end? He was so confused, but this didn’t feel like a dream. What was going to happen to him now? Was he really going to die?  
He heard the other boy yell for them to stop, which was received by Komoshida kicking him in the stomach. The boy doubled over in pain. “Shut up, kid. You’ll be next.” Komoshida turned back to Ryuji then. “Execute him!” He ordered. Two of the armored men lifted Ryuji up off the floor while another drew a sword. A real sword.  
“Oh god!” Ryuji yelled as they came closer. “Oh god! I don’t wanna die!”  
The armored men stopped then and looked over at the other boy, who almost seemed to be convulsing. He was grabbing his head and writhing around. He suddenly had a mask on that hadn’t been there before. The black-haired boy grabbed at the mask.  
Komoshida seemed to have lost interest and turned back to Ryuji, “get it over with, kill him!” Ryuji tried to get out of their grip.  
The other boy stood up then. “Get away from him.” His voice sent shivers down Ryuji’s spine. It was dark and terrifying.  
Komoshida looked over at him, “You wanna die first? Fine. Kill that one first.” The men dropped Ryuji to the floor and walked to the other boy.  
The boy then ripped the mask off his face with such force that he screamed as blood ran down his face. Suddenly a blue light exploded from him shoving the armored men and Komoshida back.  
Ryuji watched from the ground, his eyes wide. What was happening to him? The blue light disappeared and there was a huge monster towering over the boy. The black haired boy had changed too. He was wearing a black suit looking thing and had an incredibly fierce and frightening look in his eyes.  
“Shit!” Ryuji yelled. What the hell?” he cowered against the wall.  
“Kill him!” he heard Komoshida yell. There was fear in Komoshida’s voice too. Suddenly the armored men turned into monsters as well, but the huge monster towering over the boy took them all out with one quick swipe.  
Ryuji couldn’t breathe. ‘What the hell was going on?’ He tried to slowly rise back to his feet but his legs wouldn’t move. ‘Who was this guy?’  
The young man then walked over towards Komoshida, who looked terrified for a brief moment before looking angry. “You piece of shit…” Komoshida got that wicked smile on his face again. “Fine, I’ll kill you myself.”  
He had an evil glow in his eyes; Ryuji jumped up then and put all of his force behind a punch landing on Komoshida’s face. He toppled to the ground then. Ryuji looked at the other boy, who looked back with fierce steely grey eyes.  
“What the hell is going on?” Ryuji yelled. “What… what…” he looked down at Komoshida lying on the ground. “What do we do about him?” he asked.  
The other boy looked down too and grabbed the keys that were next to Komoshida. He jangled them and shrugged his shoulders with a fierce smile. “Do you wanna do the honors?” he asked Ryuji.  
The other kid hadn’t really spoken much before, but Ryuji could swear that this couldn’t have been the same incredibly quiet kid that had been there a moment before. “Umm, sure. Yeah lets lock him in.” They did with Komoshida waking up and spouting threats at them before they moved away from his dungeon cell. Only then did the boys clothes suddenly transform back into the Shujin Academy Uniform. His shoulders slumped, his glasses were back on and he put a hand in his pocket.  
“Dude, what the hell? What was that before? You were like… a totally different person just then.” Ryuji could feel his brain spiral around trying to make sense of it all.  
The other boy just shrugged. “I… don’t know…” he said honestly. “Come on, we’ve gotta get out of here.”  
“Yeah…” Ryuji still couldn’t really fathom. “Yeah okay… you’re right. We can’t wait around to be killed.” They started running, trying to find some way out, but everywhere they turned kept leading to nowhere, or to more guards, which thankfully didn’t notice them. “Shit…” Ryuji said. “What are we gonna do?”  
“Hey!” they heard a voice come from a dungeon cell near them. Ryuji looked at Kurusu-kun, who shrugged in response. “Hey!” the voice yelled again. “Over here!” they walked over to the dungeon cell. A weird looking creature was inside. It was small and black with a huge head. It almost looked like a cat, but a weird deformed cat.  
“What the hell is that thing?” Ryuji said.  
“Let me outta here!” the cat creature said to them.  
Akira looked over to Ryuji. “No way, man. This thing could be in league with Komoshida. We’re better off just trying to find the exit.”  
“Of course I’m not with him, I’m trapped her too ya know.” The cat thing said. “besides you’re never going to get outta here. But I know the way out… I can help you escape if you just help me out. The keys are right over there… Come on, you gotta let me out.”  
“We… haven’t been able to find a way out…” the black haired boy said looking towards the keys. He grabbed them and slowly walked back to the cell.  
“We’re really going to trust this thing?” Ryuji said.  
“Please!” the cat thing pleaded.  
Kurusu nodded and unlocked the cell, letting the creature out. “Okay,” it said. “Now follow me… and be quiet. There are shadows all over the place.”  
‘Shadows?’ Ryuji thought, but he followed behind the cat and the black haired boy.  
“We’re almost there.” The cat thing said. “The exit is just through here.” Just then some armored men popped out of nowhere it seemed and began running towards them.  
“Oh shit! Oh shit it’s them!” Ryuji yelled falling to his knees. He was shocked at how scared he was. He wasn’t normally the type to get scared, but this was some nightmare bullshit.  
The other boy transformed again into the oddly dressed outfit and somehow the air around him felt different. Ryuji gulped down his fear.  
“Stay out of the way!” the cat ordered Ryuji. “So… you have a persona do you?” he asked the other boy. “I sensed you were special. Come on, show me how you fight.”  
The boy nodded. “Persona…” he said darkly. “Arsene…” the monster from earlier showed up again. “Go down!” he yelled towards the monsters that appeared before them. The monster above the boy seemed to do a swift motion and one of the creatures coming at them was thrown back a bit.  
“Heh,” the cat said. “I knew you were an amateur. I’ll show you how to really use a persona. Zorro!” he called. Suddenly another monster appeared above the cat thing.  
“For real?!” Ryuji cried out.  
“Show your might!” The cat called and the monster above it swiped his sword out and both enemies seemed to die.  
Kurusu's clothes turned back to normal.  
“So you can’t control your persona transformations yet…” the cat said.  
“What the hell are those monsters?” Ryuji yelled scrambling to his feet.  
“Shut up! Do you want more to come?” the cat growled at him. “Come on, I’ll take you to a way out now.” They followed the cat through a couple of door to a closed off room.  
“Hey, what the hell, cat!? I thought you said you were taking us to an exit!” Ryuji said to the cat.  
“I am NOT a cat. I am Morgana. And this is the only way out besides the front entrance.”  
“There’s no way out!” Ryuji yelled.  
The cat creature rolled it eyes. “I wouldn’t expect an idiot like you to get it.”  
The other boy looked up. “The ventilation shaft…” he said quietly.  
“Exactly… at least someone here is useful.”  
“What was that?” Ryuji scowled at the cat.  
“Now hurry up and get out of here!” The cat commanded.  
“You’re not coming too?” the boy asked.  
“No… I’m not done here. But I think we may see each other again.”  
The other boy climbed up and removed the cover of the ventilation shaft with a loud bang. He outstretched his hand to Ryuji who took it and climbed up to the shaft as well. They scurried out and ran. Suddenly, almost as if stepped out of water. They were back. There were people bustling about the street. There were cars on the road. Everything looked completely normal.  
Ryuji was panting. “What the hell was that?” he asked. He looked over at the other boy who had his hands to his knees, his head slumped forward.  
Just then Ryuji saw some men walk towards them. “Oh shit…” he whispered. “Attendance officers.” He nudged Kurusu who stood up straight.  
“Hey, you kids. Is that a Shujin uniform?” the officer asked.  
“Yeah,” Ryuji said with a scowl.  
“Why aren’t you in school?” the officer asked.  
“We were trying to get to school… but we got caught inside a castle.” Ryuji could hear the words come out of his mouth. He sounded insane.  
The man looked at him. “Are you on drugs?”  
“No!” Ryuji yelled. “It happened… tell them!” he nudged the other boy.  
The black-haired boy stood quiet for a second. “We’ll leave now.”  
Ryuji dropped his head. “That’s not what I meant, man.”  
‘Is this kid a friend of yours?” the officer motioned towards Ryuji.  
The black-haired boy looked over at Ryuji and they locked eyes for a moment. Ryuji couldn’t imagine that fierce look he thought he had seen earlier.  
“Something like that…” the boy said.  
The officers let them go then and they walked to school, which now looked like a school.  
Ryuji was so confused; he couldn’t concentrate at all during the last half of the day. He couldn’t get everything out of his head. Had the whole thing been some crazy dream? The final bell rang and he rushed out of his class. He had to talk to Kurusu-kun again. He searched around the second floor before finding the black-haired boy outside. He was talking with Ms. Kawakami. Her eyes got wide as Ryuji walked over.  
“Speak of the devil…” she said with a groan. “Sakamato-kun… I see you still haven’t died your hair back to black…”  
Ryuji ran his hand through his bleached blond hair. “Yeah… sorry about that.” He leaned into Kurusu-kun. “Meet me on the roof.” He whispered. He walked up the stairs, wondering if Kurusu-kun would meet him now that Kawakami had gotten to him. He waited for a few minutes then saw the door open. Akira Kurusu walked through with his hands in his pockets.  
“Hey, you came. I wasn’t sure you would. I bet Kawakami told you to stay away from me, right?”  
The black haired boy ran a hand through his own hair and looked down.  
“What the hell was that today?” he asked. “It wasn’t a dream, was it?”  
Akira looked up, their eyes meeting. “I don’t think so.”  
“Shit…”Ryuji breathed. “So that was real? What the hell are we gonna do.”  
“I… don’t know.” The boy scratched his cheek and shoved both of his hands in his pockets.  
“Hey, let’s go back tomorrow. We need to see if it was all real or not, you know?” Ryuji asked.  
“Okay,” the other boy gave a small smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sakamato-san.”  
“Nah man, just call me Ryuji.”  
“Okay… and you can just call me Akira.” He said. He walked out.  
Ryuji shoved his own hands in his pockets. He was nervous about going back, especially after seeing Akira transform into that seemingly different person. It almost scared him, but he felt like he could trust him none the less. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira got on the bus traveling back to Yongen-Jaya after school. His heart was pounding in his ears. He was so confused about everything that had happened today. He was confused about that weird app that kept showing up on his phone. He was confused about that weird palace and what transpired in there. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to go back. But the look on Ryuji’s face seemed so determined he didn’t feel like he could refuse him. He ran a hand through his hair. Remembering back to the moment he saw Ryuji running after that silver car in the rain. The rain seemed to sparkle off of him. He looked angry then, but Akira was immediately drawn to him. He felt like he was being pulled into him even then. What was that? Was there something more going on then he could comprehend at this point? Did this have to do with that weird dream he had the night before? He heard the train call his stop and he shuffled out with the others walking the two minutes from the train station back to the café he would call home for the next year.


	2. Captain Kidd

The next day Ryuji could barely focus on classes, which wasn’t really anything new, but it felt almost impossible. He had been scolded more than once for looking over at the clock instead of working on his English assignment. After school was finally out he raced up to the rooftop, where he and Akira had decided to meet. He checked his phone. It was five minutes after their scheduled meeting time. He paced back and forth, looking at the tiny garden someone had clearly been working on for some time now.  
Was Akira not planning on showing up? He checked his phone again just as the rooftop door opened. Akira walked through, a shy smile on his face.  
“Sorry I’m late. I got held up.” He said quietly.  
“Dude, you’re so quiet…” Ryuji laughed and gave Akira a gentle shove.  
Akira smiled and looked down, putting his hand where Ryuji had pushed him.  
“Okay, are you ready to go?” Ryuji asked walking to the door.  
They spent the next fifteen minutes or so trying to find their way back to the castle. But every time they just ended up right back at Shujin Academy.  
“Where the hell is it?” Ryuji asked kicking the ground. “I swear we’re going the exact same way. What’s different?”  
Akira had his hands in his pockets, then slowly pulled out his phone. “The… app.”  
“What?” Ryuji asked. “What about an app?”  
“There’s this app, it keeps showing up on my phone. I keep trying to delete it. It’s called… He opened his phone. MetaNav.”  
“Was it open yesterday when we found the castle?” Ryuji asked.  
“Maybe…” Akira handed his hand off to Ryuji.  
Ryuji looked at the app and clicked it. “Wait… this says Komoshida and castle right there… what’s this button? Begin navigation?” he clicked the button and the phone spoke, saying it was beginning the navigation. Suddenly it felt like they were stepping into water again. Suddenly there was the castle. “Holy shit man! Its there! Its…” he looked over at Akira, who had transformed again. His clothes were different and he was wearing a mask. “Holy shit man! Your clothes!”  
Akira looked at his clothes and then back to Ryuji.  
“Why the hell do your clothes change?” Ryuji asked eyeing him up and down.  
Akira smirked. “You jelly?” he asked.  
“I ain’t jealous...” Ryuji said. “Not of that outfit at least.” He looked him up and down. He was however very jealous of that weird power he seemed to possess while in this form. “So… uh… how do we get back in? Through the ventilation shaft again?”  
“What the hell are you two doing here again?” they heard a familiar voice.  
“Look…. I heard screams the other day and I think we need to check it out. What if other people were trapped here just like we were?” Ryuji asked. “So, you gonna help us again cat, or not?”  
“I’m not a cat!” The cat seemed to consider it and looked to Akira. “Are you game for this.”  
Akira rubbed the back of his neck and looked over to Ryuji. “If he’s game then so am I.”  
“Okay fine.” The cat rolled it eyes and ran forward. Follow me. 

They had been searching around the castle for a while. They had found training grounds filled with kids from the volleyball team that were being tortured. Ryuji was so angry he thought his head might have exploded. Morgana tried assuring him that these people weren’t actually there, they weren’t being held prisoner. They weren’t real… but that this was just how Komoshida viewed them. However that didn’t help one bit. Ryuji was catapulted back to when he was on the track team and Komoshida took over. His methods then were questionable, but Ryuji had assumed it was just because he didn’t really care about the track team. But seeing what he thought of the volleyball team was making his blood boil. By the time they had gotten to the exit and were trying to sneak out, he almost couldn’t contain his anger anymore.  
Just then all of these armored guards came. Akira and Morgana fought them, but they were bigger and stronger and had more numbers. Before he knew it they were bother being pinned down. One armored guard grabbed Ryuji and muscled him down to the floor as they heard a sinister laugh.  
“You really thought you idiots could trespass on my castle a second time? Scum like you?” Komoshida turned up.  
“You’ve messed up now, Komoshida!” Ryuji spat out. “I memorized all of those volleyball players faces. We ain’t letting you get away with this!”  
The armored guard pushed him further down.  
“Sakamoto, you worthless piece of crap. Did you tell your new friends how you ruined the track teams future… now you’re just trying to ruin their future as well. Scum like you deserves nothing else. You were a pain in my ass then, and you’re still a pain in my ass. I thought I had taught you a lesson by breaking your leg… but I guess my next lesson is going to have to be firmer than that. You’re useless you know. You ruined their futures then, you’re ruining your own future now.”  
Ryuji felt his face get hot. So it hadn’t been an accident. Ryuji felt angry as the armored guard shoved his face into the ground. But he was useless. He had been useless to help his team then. He had been useless in this castle. He closed his eyes. He had gotten them in danger again.  
“Don’t listen to him!” he heard Akira yell before getting shoved harder. “You’re not just going to give up are you, Ryuji!?”  
His voice was fierce and angry. So different from the voice he had previously had outside of this cognitive world.  
Ryuji felt his heart race faster.  
“You’re not useless, Ryuji!” Akira yelled again before making a pained noise as the armored guard threw him.  
“Now, Sakamoto… you get the pleasure of watching me kill this worthless trash that you dragged into this.” Komoshida started walking towards Akira then.  
Ryuji couldn’t take the deafening sound in his ears. He felt like electricity was going to burst through his body.  
'Can you hear my voice?'  
Ryuji cried out in pain writhing on the ground.  
'Are you going to let them kill him now?'  
“No!” Ryuji yelled.  
'Heh… You’ve made me wait far too long. But you hear me now. Call out my name! I am thou… thou art I…'  
Ryuji screamed again as electricity shot from his body, knocking back the armored guard that had been holding him down. Komoshida stopped and stared at him.  
Ryuji got to his knees, he could feel the mask. He grabbed it.  
“Heh… sorry for makin’ ya wait so long…” he ripped the mask off with a deafening scream as blue light flooded the great hall. “Captain Kidd!”  
A huge being emerged from him riding a ship. “Let’s go, Captain!” He yelled out. The captain reared up and Ryuji could feel the electricity jolt from him knocking back the enemies holding down his friends. Akira jumped up and ran to Ryuji joined by Morgana.  
“You damn brats… you think you can fight me!? Take them down!” He yelled to his guards before running off. They disposed of the shadows easily. The electricity pulsed through Ryuji’s body leaving a weird sensation of pain and pleasure behind.  
“Damn it! He got away.” Ryuji said looking for Komoshida.  
“Don’t worry about him!” Morgana yelled. “We have to get out of here before more guards come.”  
They all ran until they were outside the castle again. Morgana was spouting something off about traveling somewhere and helping him uncover his true form.  
“What? Listen cat. We ain’t doin’ that. We’ve gotta deal with Komoshida.” Ryuji said. “Come on, man. Let’s get out of here.  
“What the hell!?” the cat yelled after them, but they had left the metaverse. Ryuji was glad they had landed in an alleyway because he immediately fell against the wall. His body ached, he hadn’t felt this exhausted since quitting the track team.  
“Holy shit… holy shit… I think I’m gonna pass out…” Ryuji said through pants grabbing his side.  
Akira had his hands on his knees. “Yeah… I could definitely go for a nap.” He stood up quickly and lifted Ryuji up. “You good?”  
“Yeah man… I think I’m okay now. That was crazy in there.” Ryuji couldn’t help but feel a smile creep across his face. What had he done? He had awakened to a persona. The feeling of the electricity at his fingertips still felt palpable. He looked at Akira who also had a big smile on his face.  
“Thanks man…” Ryuji kicked at a pebble grabbing at his shoulder. “You really saved my ass back there… again.”  
“Are you kidding?” Akira said. “You saved us, Ryuji. Your persona was… incredible.” He was quiet again, almost like two completely different people, but he was also excited.  
“We’ve gotta do something now, right? I mean after seein’ all that shit… I can’t just sit by… I’ve gotta do somethin’. You’ll help me… right?” he looked to Akira.  
Akira smiled and looked down. “Yeah.”  
“You promise?” Ryuji held his hand out to the black-haired boy. Who grabbed it willingly. They stood there for a moment and Ryuji could almost feel his bond with this kid growing. “Well… it’d be weird to split up now… and I’m starved… wanna go get ramen?”  
Akira nodded and they walked together to the train station. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira felt it, as his bond grew with Ryuji. He felt like there was a strong desire to help him. He sat on his bed in silence as he thought back to the days events. He was exhausted… but he felt strong. He felt empowered. And he felt hopeful for the first time since everything had happened. He thought back to Ryuji awakening to his persona. He smiled… he felt a hot blush overtake him as he thought about Ryuji. He tried to push that to the back of his mind. This wasn’t the time for a stupid feeling like that to rear it head… He shook his head and laid down on the bed. He wished he could see Ryuji as just a friend, and a potential partner against this evil Komoshida… but he couldn’t deny the feeling that there was something more just waiting there. He felt the blush return to his face and was glad no one was around to see it. He laid down and closed his eye, a familiar feeling coming over him as he drifted off into sleep, shades of blue and chains taking over…


	3. Run

They were close now, so close to finally getting Komoshida back for all he has done. They gained a new teammate in Ann Takamaki, someone Ryuji completely didn’t expect wouldn’t be able to harness a persona, although the same could be said about him he supposed. Mona had said that all that was left was to send a calling card, so they were meeting up the next day after school to discuss it. He grabbed his change of clothes and walked to the shower in their small apartment. Just then the door unlocked.   
His mom walked through, looking exhausted she sat her stuff down and slumped into a chair on the couch.   
“Hey, mom… you okay?” Ryuji asked walking over to her.   
“Hmm? Oh yeah Yuji, I’m okay. Thanks. Just tired… it was a long day.” She sat up and set then.   
“Can I get you anything? Some water maybe?” Ryuji asked.   
“Oh… no don’t worry about me. I see you were heading for the bath… go ahead and go take care of yourself. I’m just going to rest a bit before we do dinner.” She closed her eyes.   
Ryuji hesitated, but walked away. He felt that familiar stab to the gut of guilt he felt whenever his mom looked so exhausted like this. It was his fault she had to work so hard after all. It was his fault she was a single mom trying to take care of him. He wished he could do more to help her. He had a good drive when he was on the track team, he wanted to get a good scholarship so he could do well and get into a university and she wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore, but then that effin’ Komoshida ruined all of his chances. He could feel the heat rise to his face. He clenched his hands into fists as the shower water fell over him. ‘damn it…” he said under his breath. But they would make him pay. He got out of the shower and dried off quickly going back to his room. He grabbed his phone and typed a letter to their group chat.   
Ryuji: We’ve gotta make that bastard pay.  
Ann: We will make him pay. I’m going to make him pay for what he’s done to Shiho…  
Ryuji: hell yeah, he’s goin’ down!  
Akira: We’re going to change his heart.

Ryuji smiled at seeing his friends feel just as worked up as he did. They made a good team, the four of them. Even Morgana proved to be useful, that damn cat. 

The next day they met on the rooftop. They had grown accustomed to meeting here almost every single day after school. They had to do this quickly after all. Their expulsion was on the line. If they weren’t careful and quick about this Ryuji and Akira would both be out on their asses. Ryuji leaned back in his chair before standing up. He was anxious to send that damn calling card. He looked to Akira, who had a lazy calm in his eyes.   
“So… we doin’ this or what?” He finally asked almost annoyed at everyone else’s silence.   
“Yes, we are definitely doing this, but there are some things we have to prepare first. The calling card will only have an effect for a limited number of hours. I doubt we’ll even have a full day. The treasure will appear and we have to act. So we have to be ready for it.” Morgana said popping his head out of Akira’s bag. “So once we send it there is no going back.”   
Ryuji turned to Akira. “We’re ready, right?”   
Akira had been leaning back in his chair. He leaned forward then, “Yes, we’re ready. Let’s take him down.” His voice had a hint of Joker in it when he said this.   
“So… who’s gonna write the calling card?” Ann asked.   
“Oh! Lemme do it!” Ryuji exclaimed. Everyone looked unsure. “Come on… I can do it! There’s so much I want to say to that bastard!”   
Akira looked down for a minute before nodded an okay for Ryuji.   
“Hell yeah! I’m gonna go home and work on it right now!” he yelled. I’ll text you guys later.” He left and almost ran to the train station. He couldn’t wait to get going.   
The next day they waited as Komoshida saw the calling card posted all over the bulletin board at school. It was finally time. They entered the metaverse and Joker immediately transported them to the save room closest to the treasure.  
“It’s now or never guys. Our mission is the treasure.” Mona said. They were all geared up and ready to go.   
The battle was hard, but they did it. They were running away trying to escape the crumbling castle when Ryuji’s knee gave out and tripped him up. “Damn it!” he yelled. Ann and Akira stopped. He started getting back up as Akira ran to his side grabbing him up with incredible force. They kept running. Just barely making it out it seemed. They were all breathless and panting.   
“Holy shit…” Ryuji exclaimed through labored breaths. “We did. We actually did it.”   
Ann was leaning against the wall holding her ribs. “Oh my god I thought we were going to get crushed with the castle.”   
“Hey wait! Did we get the treasure!?” Ryuji asked as Akira grabbed a medal out of his pocket. “That’s the treasure? What happened to the crown?”   
“This was his most valued item. To him, this medal was just as treasured as that crown.” Morgana said.   
“And we’re sure he had a change of heart? When will we know?” Ryuji asked.   
“He definitely had a change of heart. We’ll know soon.”   
“God…” Ann smiled. “ I feel like I could fly right now. That was such a high. Defeating him…”   
Akira smiled and nodded in return. 

Ryuji collapsed into his bed that night, he was so tired he didn’t even bother with his clothes. He opened his chat log and started one with just Akira.   
Ryuji: Thanks man.  
Akira: for what?   
Ryuji: you know… everything. Saving me so many times. Helping me… everything.  
Akira… that was all you, Ryuji. You helped yourself. You’re amazing.   
Ryuji smiled and put his phone down as his eyes drifted away to sleep. 

It had been a few days and Komoshida had placed himself on leave, which they figured was a good sign. Ryuji was leaning against the wall by the stairs at the end of class when Akira walked over to him. He smiled that shy quiet smile he got in the real world.   
“Hey…” Ryuji said. “All this waitin’ around is making me antsy…” he tapped his foot against the wall.   
“Do you want to hang out today?” Akira asked both hands in his pockets.   
“For sure, man. Wanna go for a run?” Ryuji asked. He had been trying to get back into shape since become a Phantom Thief because he didn’t want to hold the others back. He wanted to live up to his full potential.   
Akira nodded so they headed to Ryuji’s favorite running spot after changing into their PE uniforms. Ryuji had been fast. He was the fastest runner on the track team, but after Komoshida broke his leg, he had gotten way out of shape. He would have at peak condition been able to leave Akira in the dust, but now they were almost neck and neck. They had run together a few times now, and Ryuji could tell that beneath Akira’s shy exterior. He was competitive as fuck. He pushed himself to keep pace with Ryuji, even hearing some Joker-esque growls escaping him as Ryuji tried to pull ahead. They both fell into the grass at the end.   
“Damn…” Akira said through pants. “You’re fast…”   
“This is nothing… I’m actually so much slower now than I used to be…” Ryuji took a deep breath. “That was good, man. He sat up and looked at Akira. His legs were splayed out in front of him and his arm covered his eyes. His chest was falling up and down hard as he tried to catch his breath. “You’re really competitive… aren’t you?” Ryuji asked.   
Akira sat up and shrugged. “I guess so… I never used to be, but since… you know…” he hesitated and Ryuji knew he meant since awakening to his persona. “Anyways… I feel like sometimes he’s there. Like I’m a different person inside.”   
Ryuji nodded. “I know what you mean.” He pulled at the base of his shirt, pulling it up to wipe the sweat off his face. He didn’t notice Akira shift and look away at the movement. “I think we’re all kind of like that. But you… it’s like you’re two completely different people here and there. Here you’re all quiet and reserved… and there… you’re our fearless leader…y'know?”   
Akira blushed and looked down with a shy grin. “Heh… I don’t know about all that… but thanks.”   
They sat there in the grass in silence then, enjoying the feeling of the spring air on their skin. “Well, we should head out, right? You wanna get ramen?” Ryuji asked rubbing his shoulder.   
Akira nodded and got up. 

There was an emergency assembly at school the next day about Shiho trying to kill herself. In the middle of it Komoshida came in and confessed to everything before saying that he was going to turn himself into the police. They met on the rooftop after school.   
“I can’t believe it… we actually did it.” Ryuji said in quiet disbelief as they waited for Ann to show up. She had left school early to go and see Shiho at the hospital.   
Akira nodded fiddling with his hands.   
“You guys did a good job.” Morgana said stretching out after being cooped up all day in Akira’s bag.   
Ann opened the door and immediately started crying. She said Shiho regained consciousness and that she was able to tell her that Komoshida had confessed to his crimes. Akira stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. She jumped up and wrapped both him and Ryuji in a hug.   
“I couldn’t have done this without you guys! I could have never done anything by myself, I felt so helpless, but you guys gave me hope. And gave me vengeance.” Ryuji was being crushed by Ann’s boobs and Akira’s shoulder. Akira let out a cough, showing that he too was being crushed. Ann finally let go, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Sorry for crushing you.”   
“Yeah… damn Ann.” Ryuji rubbed his shoulder. “but I mean… I feel the same. So… thanks. Hey! We should have a party! To celebrate. We gotta spend that money from that medal somehow… right?”   
“I’m game…” Akira said also rubbing the shoulder that was being crushed against Ryuji’s shoulder. He had a faint blush on his cheeks, which Ryuji couldn’t really blame him for as they had both been almost buried by Ann’s tits.   
“Okay, hey I’ve got a place in mind.” Ann said. “Do you guys trust me?”   
They both nodded. They hung out for a while longer before Ann left. Akira shoved a book into his bag before Morgana hopped in and he slung it over his shoulder.   
“Hey man… I’m free to train or hang out if you want during the break.” Ryuji said checking his phone.   
Akira nodded and smiled goodbye at Ryuji before walking back inside from the roof. Ryuji stretched his shoulders a bit before picking up his own bag. He was feeling so accomplished with all of them. He smiled at the thought of them defeating Komoshida again. They had finally gotten their revenge. And they weren’t being expelled anymore either. Things were definitely looking up. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira sat in the bathhouse bath letting the medicinal herbal water warm his body. He pulled his knees to his chest. He was the only one in the bath this night because it had started raining. He could feel his face get hot as he thought about being crushed in a hug. He had been right there. Right up against him… Akira pulled his knees in tighter. He knew that Ryuji would never be into him. Ryuji was clearly straight. This wasn’t the first time Akira had wished he was straight too. But this time felt so different than any other random crush he had in the past. In the past he had wished he was straight just because it would have been easier that way. But this was different. He wished he was straight because he could tell that there was no stopping the fall. He was falling hard. Harder every single day. And he didn’t want the inevitable crash that would come. But the feeling of Ryuji so close to him had almost been unbearable. He let is entire body submerge into the water. ‘damn it.’ He thought to himself.


	4. The Leader

A lot had happened in the last month. They had been training up in Mementos, a deep dark part of the metaverse that was like a community palace for everyone. They had finally found their newest target. Madarame the world renowned artist no less. This was big. There were some issues that continued arising like Madarame’s pupil running to his sensei’s defense and refusing to see reason. But they had started making some progress inside Madarame’s god-awful palace.  
They were sitting in a safe room catching their breath while Joker wrote in his small journal. Ryuji leaned over him. “What do you always write in there anyways?” he asked.  
Joker shrugged his shoulders. “Just where we are I guess. Sometimes I think back on our strategy with shadows so I can find better ways to go about fighting. I dunno…”  
“Damn…” Ryuji said, impressed. “Being the leader really does suit you.”  
Joker smiled, but it was Akira’s smile. That shy quiet smile. Ryuji had gotten used to seeing the two completely different sides of him. Joker was a fierce leader who would tear shadows apart without a second thought. He had fiery and sometimes terrifying eyes; his smile was wild and uncontrolled. His voice was dark. Akira was quiet and soft spoken. He preferred to listen to his friends conversations giving an agreeing nod than to be the center of the conversation. His eyes were grey and kind, his smile was small. He was reserved in every way. Pretty much the exact opposite of everything Joker was.  
He put the small notebook in a pocket and stood up. “Are we ready?” he asked. His voice getting dark again.  
Ann had been stretching but she popped up. “Ready to go!”  
Ryuji stretched out his shoulders and stood next to Joker, ready to fight. They left the safe room and began sneaking further into the palace.  
When they left the metaverse that night Ryuji was feeling exceptionally tired, he had become more or less Akira’s right hand man, always counted on to deliver huge physical attacks. He loved the responsibility, but damn if it wasn’t exhausting. He kept nodding asleep on the train. Akira kept nudging him awake.  
He shook his head. “Dude… I’m wiped out. When is your stop?” he asked Akira.  
“Next stop.” Akira said quietly.  
“Can I come to your place?” Ryuji asked rubbing his eyes.  
Akira nodded.  
‘Thanks man.” Ryuji leaned back and closed his eyes only to have Akira nudge him what felt like moments later.  
Ryuji got off the train and followed Akira to a small café. “What do you wanna stop for coffee? C’mon man…” Ryuji complained.  
Akira smiled and walked in; the man behind the counter was smoking a cigarette and looked over. “You’re back…” he said. “Who’s this?”  
“This is my friend Ryuji. Is it cool if he stays the night?” Akira asked.  
“Fine by me. The store’s not closed for another thirty minutes though… so don’t be loud up there.” The man turned away going to the back.  
Ryuji was confused… he followed Akira up the steps to an attic storage room. There was a work bench, a small couch, a bed on wooden boxes and a weird looking shelf.  
“Whoa… dude… do you live here?” Ryuji asked looking around. Akira put his bag down and Morgana climbed out immediately crawling to the bed and slumping over. He had worked really hard today too. They had all been pretty beat up so he had to heal constantly it seemed.  
“Yep,” Akira grabbed some clothes from a box and threw a change of clothes at Ryuji. Before taking his own school uniform off and putting on a pair of sweat pants and a long grey shirt.  
“Damn… it’s so cool in here. It’s so relaxing.” Ryuji was looking around while slowly pulling the sweats on and the shirt. He looked over to Akira who had a slight blush to his cheeks.  
“Sorry… the couch probably isn’t that comfortable, but…” he shrugged and handed Ryuji a spare blanket.  
“No worries man.” Ryuji was typing a quick text to his mom. “Thanks for letting me crash here. I think I would have just slept on the train if I had to take the train all the way back to my place.”  
“Go to sleep!” Morgana yelled. “Both of you!” he put his head back down and closed his eyes.  
Akira smirked. “He’s a real stickler about sleep.” He turned the light off and slumped into the small bed.  
Ryuji lay down on the small couch, it wasn’t actually half bad. He fell asleep almost immediately, having weird dreams about a certain odd looking painting they had seen in the palace that day.  
He woke up the next morning to the sound of a kettle going off down below him. He sat up to see Akira turned away from him, his chest rising and falling slowly. He got up and quickly changed back into his school uniform. He stretched out his shoulders and looked down at his phone. Ann had texted already asking if they were going to the palace that day. Akira rolled over and stretched out. Morgana was nowhere to be seen.  
He blinked a few times and then grabbed his glasses from the small windowsill above his bed. Ryuji smiled at him.  
“Hey.” Akira said sitting up.  
“Hey, thanks for letting me stay. This couch is actually surprisingly comfy.” He rubbed his eyes.  
“Akira checked his phone and then looked over at Ryuji. “You good?” he asked.  
“Hell yeah man! Let’s go kick some shadow ass today.” Ryuji jumped up.  
Akira’s eyes widened. “Shut up…” he said looking towards the stairs.  
“Shit… sorry.”  
Akira got dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt quickly. “Come on, you idiot.” There was a smile behind Akira’s words.  
Ryuji smiled and threw an arm around Akira as they walked down the stairs.  
The man behind the counter nodded to them. “You guys have plans today?” he asked.  
“We’re just going to go workout I think.” Akira said seamlessly. It wasn’t even necessarily a lie. Traversing through palaces was an intense workout to say the least.  
“Well, there’s curry for you both… and coffee. Just clean everything up afterwards.” He motioned to Akira who nodded.  
The curry was amazing, it was incredibly flavorful. Every spice could be tasted. Ryuji felt like he finished his in a few bites, realizing how hungry he had been. Ann showed up shortly after that and smiled at the boys.  
“Are you working out with them too?” Sojiro asked.  
Ann looked over at Akira and Ryuji before nodding to the man behind the counter. “Yep, Trying to tone up.” She had a weird tone to her voice like she was trying to make it believable. They left then and all rode the bus to just outside Madarame’s house.  
“Hey Mona, is it safe for us to be here?” Ryuji asked.  
“It doesn’t really matter where you guys are to get into the metaverse. No one will notice anyways.” This is just convenient I suppose.” Morgana responded from Akira’s backpack. 

Akira and Ryuji were waiting in Madarame’s palace hoping for a miracle to happen. They needed a specific door to open at a specific time. Akira pulled at his crimson gloves, almost appearing nervous.  
Ryuji tapped his foot before adjusting his ascot. “Damn it… I hate just waiting around here.”  
Akira nodded. He ran a red leather clad hand through his thick black curls then down his neck. He looked over at Ryuji who was stretching his arms up to the sky. Ryuji let out a yawn and then opened his eyes. He and Akira made eye contact briefly before Akira looked quickly to something else. Ryuji huffed and stretched his arms outwards.  
Just then the door they were waiting for opened. “Now!” Joker called out as they raced through the door. He saw an enemy and immediately jumped to engage in battle with it. He was a hard shadow, but the pair of them were strong and their bond had become powerful. Skull could read what Joker wanted of him before he had to say a thing. Baton passes were seamless and they took him down quickly. Joker touched his mask and healed them both before sneaking around. He pointed silently to a control room. They snuck in and found the computer to turn off the rest of the lasers.  
Skull gave him a silent high five and they snuck back out. “Whaddya think, Joker. Wanna take em out?” He motioned to a big looking shadow.  
Joker shook his head. “No… it’s safer if we wait for the others.” He pulled back to just outside the room, waiting for the others to arrive. They went back to the entrance before the door and waited, expecting to see Morgana and Ann appear soon. Ryuji rolled his shoulder and ran a gloved hand through his blonde hair. He looked over at Joker. He was staring at him with such intensity that it threatened to make Ryuji blush.  
Joker eyed him for another long second. Ryuji wanted to shrink away from his piercing gaze. This is Joker’s gaze, Joker’s wild silver eyes and firm mouth. The look he was giving him was intense. He looked angry… or hungry. It confused Ryuji, finally Ryuji shifted his weight off his bad leg and winced slightly at the release of pressure. When he looks back at Joker, he can almost see a blush behind his white mask. He was looking down at his feet now.  
Ryuji wanted to ask him what was wrong, but before he could gather up the courage the others fell through the sky into the metaverse. But… Ann and Morgana weren’t alone. That crazy art student who wanted to paint Ann nude was there too.  
“How the hell?” Ryuji started. But they were almost immediately thrown into a vicious fight with some of Madarame’s guard shadows. They were strong and ruthless, but somehow through it that nerdy art kid, Yusuke was able to awaken the persona within him.  
It was nice having another teammate. It was nice having another guy on the team, even if he was a weirdo. Ryuji thought to himself as he soaked in the bathhouse near his house. And traversing through an artist’s distorted palace with an artist to help them navigate things they wouldn’t normally think of did make the palace end approach a lot faster. They were close to the treasure now. Almost there. 

It had happened in an instant, Ryuji barely had time to think, but he could see what would be a fatal attack going straight for Joker. He shoved him out of the way and felt the hit throw him to the ground. He managed to withstand the attack, Mona running to him and healing him immediately. They had to keep going, and if Joker didn’t make it they couldn’t keep going. Sure they have revival beads, and healing spells, but if Joker doesn’t make it, none of them can continue. He opened his eyes moments later again. “Shit…” he said feeling revived, but still exhausted. He scrambled to his feet as they finished off the guard shadow. Ryuji slumped against a wall.  
“Panther…: Joker said commanding her to take Skull’s place.  
“No, I can keep going.” Ryuji protested.  
Joker gave him a fierce warning look and he shut up. They fought a couple more shadows before reaching the new safe room. Joker passed out healing beads that made Ryuji feel completely revived. But he was low energy. He could tell he wouldn’t be able to do much for the group. He hated when he ran out of gas. He hated when he could feel himself fading. He liked being Akira’s first choice. His right hand man. He hated when he needed to be replaced.  
“What are we thinking…” Akira asked them.  
“Sorry…” Ryuji rubbed his shoulder. “I think I’m outta gas.”  
“We made good progress today, maybe we should head back?” Morgana offered.  
Joker nodded and they headed back to the entrance. They walked back out of the metaverse and Skull slumped against the railing of the underground passage.  
“Ryuji…” Ann said worried as Akira took Ryuji’s arm and pulled him up.  
“Sorry… I’m fine. I just pushed it a little too far today.” Ryuji stretched his leg out. “I just need a good sleep and I’ll be fine.”  
The other’s dispersed slowly. Akira stood next to Ryuji another moment. He was kicking at a stone on the walkway. “Uh… thanks…” he said quietly. Akira was quiet. He was soft-spoken, but Ryuji could barely hear him now.  
“What?” Ryuji asked.  
“You… you saved me… you took that hit for me…” Akira said running a hand through his black hair. “Why’d you do that?”  
Ryuji shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t really know. “Dunno man… it just kind of happened. Like I was doing it before I was even thinking. But hey, I’m glad I did it.” Ryuji elbowed Akira then looked up. He was blushing again. “Man… you get so embarrassed so easily…” Ryuji laughed and shoved him again.  
Akira chuckled and let out a sigh. “I should get back. Are you gonna be okay getting home by yourself?”  
“Yeah man, I’m fine. Feeling better by the minute. Lemme know if we’re goin’ in tomorrow okay?” Ryuji started walking away. He looked back to see Akira’s head down. He looked upset for some reason. 

They were able to finally defeat Madarame’s shadow. He had been a real pain in the ass because he kept on reviving pieces of himself. But they were done. It was hard to see the turmoil Yusuke felt, but they were all relieved when Madarame finally held a press conference and apologized for all the horrible things he had done.  
They got tons of food that next day and had a party at Akira’s house to commemorate defeating another foe. They had made hot pot and had eaten every last bite. They were all able to have good and meaningful conversations with each other before Ann left.  
Ryuji, Akria, and Yusuke decided to hit up the bathhouse afterwards. They were sitting in the hot bath all shooting the shit.  
“Hey man… I wondered… what do you think of Ann?” Ryuji asked nudging Akira.  
Akira immediately turned red. “I… think… she’s a great teammate.” He said with a nod.  
“Heh, yeah man… I mean her looks don’t hurt either right?” He nudged him again. “I will say, her looks make up for the airhead personality she has a bit.” Ryuji stretched his arms out. “But that panther outfit…”  
Akira smiled and nodded.  
Yusuke nodded vigorously. “I would love to draw her in that specific garb.” He said.  
“Hey man…” Ryuji looked to Akira again. “I wanted to ask you somethin’. It feels like… when were over there, you know we are all more confident and stuff. Like I know that I feel like myself but better. Like who I’m meant to be… you know?”  
“I think so…” Akira said.  
“But with you… it almost seems like you’re a completely different person over there. Have you noticed?”  
“I have wondered that myself…” Yusuke spoke up. “I wondered if it was a purposeful change to make yourself stronger over there or not.”  
Akira shrugged. “I don’t really know. I think that over there… that’s still a part of me… I don’t know how to explain it…” he glanced over at the old man slowly getting out of the tub. They were alone in the bathhouse after that. “Its like… Joker is a part of me… but he’s the more… primal part of me. You know, like he’s the me that is deep down. Out here in the real world. I feel like myself. But over there… I’m my true self. All of my strength is out in the open. All of the confidence I can feel deep down is just right there. I think I’m just reserved out here, but in there I’m not.”  
“That makes sense, man. It’s like you still. It’s just crazy how different you guys are. Sometimes the look you get in your eyes over there… it’s like… damn. I actually think you’re actually planning on attacking me.” Ryuji laughed.  
“I’d never attack you… you’re my teammate.” Akira said chuckling to himself.  
“Yeah I know that, man. It’s just this look you get in your eyes. It’s intense is all.” Ryuji stood up. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira lay in his bed, he was exhausted, but his eyes were wide open. He heard Yusuke sleeping soundly across the room. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Ryuji had said about the fierce eyes that looked like they were ready to attack. He knew which look Ryuji was referring. Joker was not subtle. Akira could steal quick glances at Ryuji without being found out. He could linger on Ryuji’s toned arms and abs in his mind later, in the privacy of his attic room. But Joker was forward, he was strong and confident. He would stare at Skull in that tight leather outfit. Joker would linger on the muscles of his arms, linger on the tightness of his pants. The way they hugged him perfectly. Akira covered his face with his hands. He could feel the hot blush on his face. He shouldn’t think like that. Ryuji was his teammate. His friend. His favorite confidant. But he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t stop wanting Ryuji to be more.


	5. Closer

The two sat in silence as they ate. Ryuji had just told Akira about the track team asking him back. He had turned them down; he knew where his place was now. But it was nice to see the visible relief that Akira had when he learned that Ryuji was still his right-hand man.  
Ryuji looked down and rubbed his neck with the palm of his hand. “Hey man… listen… you’ve done so much for me. And you kept your promise to me… so now it’s my turn. If you need anything. I’ll always be there. Okay…”  
Akira smiled and nodded. Ryuji could feel his warmth like he never had before. And he could feel his heart beat grow stronger. Inside him he could feel the evolution. His persona had changed. His true power had been realized. He took a deep breath and held his hand to his chest. He felt all warm inside. He smiled at Akira who seemed to somehow know what had just transpired. He smiled back at him. A huge grin that was filled to the brim with giddy glee.  
Something else occurred in this weird transformation. Something Ryuji wouldn’t even realize had changed right away. But somehow, suddenly. His soul had found him. Ryuji looked to Akira, his heart beating faster than it had before. He thought this was just because of the new power he had been able to unlock. But it wasn’t just that. Their souls had found each other. 

Things didn’t change at first. Ryuji didn’t feel any real difference towards Akira. He felt a strong bond with him, he felt like he always wanted to be by his side. But he didn’t feel the burning desire that had begun to bubble in his heart. They had been fighting a particularly nasty shadow of an ex-assassin in mementos. They were riding back to the entrance in the Monabus, Yusuke working on a sketch and Ann reading through a magazine she had brought. Akira had that dumb little journal that he wrote in. He was scribbling something down. Ryuji leaned over. “Whatcha writin’ leader?” he asked.  
Akira looked up and tried to close the notepad quickly. “Oh… um… nothing. Just some thoughts I had to day.”  
Ryuji tried to snag the notepad, but Akira was quick and agile. He had it out of Ryuji’s reach before Ryuji could even properly lunge for it.  
“What?” Joker was there suddenly. “You want this?” he asked challenging. His smile wild.  
Ryuji felt a surge of electricity at that smile. “Is that a challenge?” he asked.  
“As if you could even make this a challenge…” Joker was persistent.  
Skull then lunged forward grabbing one of Joker’s wrists trying to grab at the notepad. Joker had somehow managed to switch hands quickly though and slid a hand around Skull’s ribs before slamming him against the seat.  
“Hey!” Mona yelled. “No rough housing!”  
Ryuji sat motionless, the spot where Akira had touched him still burned hot. He didn’t understand this feeling. He peered over at Akira, who sat comfortably, a smug grin still on his face.  
They made their way to the entrance and all piled out of Mona-bus. Mona transformed as they walked out of the metaverse.  
Ann stretched her arms out and wrapped Akira and Yusuke into her. They both lurched downward. “Yuji…. Take a picture!” He pulled out his phone and snapped a photo. Ann looked gorgeous as usual and Yusuke looked uncomfortable at the strain. Akira looked… Ryuji felt heat rise to his cheeks.  
“Looks good.” He sent it to Ann quickly. “I’m starved. You guys wanna head to Lablanc and get some grub?”  
“Can’t,” Ann said casually. “I’m gonna go see Shiho now before visiting hours are up.” She pulled her sunglasses out of her bag and slid them on.  
“You should all be heading home to get rest.” Morgana spouted out from the bag around Akira’s shoulders.  
“It’s like… four in the afternoon.” He looked to Akira and Yusuke.  
“I would love to accompany you both to Lablanc if I can be promised a quiet moment with Sayuri and perhaps some curry.”  
Akira nodded and they waved goodbye to Ann as they all boarded to train to Yongen-Jaya. They sat and ate curry and laughed at some ridiculous drawing Yusuke had done of a monster shadow in chibi form.  
After playing a couple rounds of a video game as Yusuke sat on the bed sketching something out. He stood up and stretched his hands.  
“I’ll be returning home now, thank you for the company.” He said as weird and proper as possible.  
“Later man.” Ryuji said sending a wave his way.  
Akira and Ryuji sat quietly playing the video game together as Ryuji annihilated Akira another round. “Hah! Finally found something I’m better at.”  
Akira ran a hand through his curls. “There’s a lot of stuff you’re better at then me.”  
“Oh yeah… okay.” Ryuji said with a scoff. He knew that he was a joke compared to Akira. Akira was smart without trying to be, he was top of their year. He was kind without having to think about it. He was loved by everyone that he encountered it seemed. Ryuji was just… him.  
Akira put the controller down and stood up stretching out. “You’re uh…” he looked down. “You’re really getting good. That lightening you threw today… that was so cool.”  
Ryuji felt his cheeks get hot. Akira was fearless and by far the most powerful one on the team, but he could tell that Akira had meant what he said.  
“Hey thanks man. It’s all because of Saitan Taisei. I feel like this whole new level of power. Is this how you feel all the time?”  
Akira shrugged. “Maybe…” he smiled at Ryuji then and Ryuji felt how he did before. He stood up quickly.  
“I uh… I should go… it’s getting late and…” he trailed off watching Akira’s face as he tried to find some excuse to leave.  
“Yeah… okay.” Akira twirled a black curl around his finger. Something Ryuji had come to realize was a nervous tick he couldn’t seem to help.  
“I mean… I don’t have to go… but I need a school uniform and… stuff…” Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck.  
“Yeah, no you’re right. You should go home.” Akira leaned against the wall.  
Ryuji felt the warmth threatening to bubble over him again. ‘What was this?’ he wondered. “Cool man… I’ll see you tomorrow then.” He walked down the stairs and nodded a goodbye at Sojiro the shop owner.  
“Seeyah kid.” Sojiro said through drags on his cigarette.  
Ryuji walked out to the cold night air. “Shit…” he kicked at the ground. “Shit…” he felt the heat rise up to his cheeks again. He glanced up at the window where Akira’s room was. He began walking to the station. 

They were about half-way through Kaneshiro’s flying bank. It was hard. Ryuji felt like he was weaker than their shadows here. But he didn’t think he was the only one. Everyone seemed exhausted after even a small day at the palace. They had gained Makoto, the student council president and Queen was a force to be reckoned with. She became a member of the main line up pretty quickly. Ryuji couldn’t help but feel a bit of competition with her. There had even been a couple of instances that Joker put her in starting line-up instead of him.  
They separated after a long day, but Ryuji grabbed Akira’s arm before he started leaving. “Hey… are you busy tomorrow?” Ryuji asked.  
Akira shook his head. “What’d you have in mind?”  
“I uh…” Ryuji ran a hand through his blonde hair. “Yeah… I want to… train.”  
“Yeah, that sounds good. Text me tomorrow ‘kay?” Akira smiled and walked away. 

Ryuji waited at the Shujin underground accessway. Akira walked over he seemed to be lacking the black cat that had taken up permanent residence in his school bag.  
“Where’s Mona?” Ryuji asked.  
“Oh, he didn’t want to wait around at the gym. I told him he could just stay home.” Akira had his hands in his pockets. “Are we going to Protein Lovers?”  
“Uh… no… I had a different training ground in mind.” Ryuji pulled his phone out. “I need to train… you know… my other self.” He whispered.  
Akira’s eyes widened but he nodded. “Okay… okay let’s go.”  
Suddenly they were at the entrance of mementos. “Why didn’t you just tell me this is what you meant by training?” he asked adjusted his red gloves. “I could have gotten everyone together.  
Ryuji scoffed and walked towards the escalators. “Come on, man… I just…” Ryuji sighed. “I’m… can we just get down there and kick some shadows ass.”  
Akira nodded and they headed downwards. They spent the first bit darting past the shadows on the weaker floors. It was easy as they mainly just ran away from them anyways. Finally they found some tougher shadows and Joker leapt onto one in attack. It appeared; of course it was one that was strong against lightening. Skull threw some powerful hits, but in the end it was Joker who killed him off with a fierce ice attack.  
“Damn it!” Ryuji yelled kicking at the ground as Joker tossed him a healing bead. He threw one in his mouth as well.  
“Why are you angry?” Joker asked. “You kicked ass.”  
“Heh…” he scoffed. “Don’t shit around me, man. I’m lagging behind.”  
“What?” Joker chuckled. “You’re not lagging behind.”  
“Yeah right.” He kicked the wall. “I’m weak. Don’t think I don’t notice that you’ve been taking me off starting lineup in the palace. I’m supposed to be your right hand man. And I’m failing… damn it!” Ryuji yelled.  
“Skull… I don’t know why you’re freaking out. I haven’t been taking you off the starting lineup because you’re lagging behind. If anything it’s the opposite.”  
“Stop shitting me, Joker!” Ryuji yelled.  
Joker was silent then, but the look in his eyes was fierce and angry. He shoved Skull to the ground. “Don’t try to put words in my mouth!” he yelled looming over him. Just then a huge shadow came and knocked Joker to the ground. They were surrounded.  
They took a few hits before even getting up to their feet. “Joker!” Ryuji yelled throwing a healing orb at him. Joker got up and threw a powerful physical attack at them, taking down two of the three. He leaned back down though; he was tired and weak from their initial attack.  
Ryuji took a deep breath, he only had to get the last one down, but they attacked again. They hit the both of them hard again. He could feel himself fading, but Joker was on the ground now. He used his strongest electric attack and got them back to the floor allowing him on more go. He hit them with a powerful physical attack and they all went down, disintegrating.  
They were both panting. Joker cast a healing spell on the both of them. It healed their major wounds, but the exhaustion always lingered. “We need to get to a safe room.” Joker said as they ran up the escalator. They got to the safe room above them and both collapsed onto the benches.  
“I’m sorry…” Ryuji breathed out. “I’m sorry this is my fault.”  
“Don’t kid yourself, Skull.” He was panting. “I don’t know what your problem is, but none of this is your fault. I… I lost my cool earlier. If I had been paying attention instead of trying to beat the shit outta you… that shadow wouldn’t have sneaked up on us.”  
Ryuji pulled at his ascot. He wiped the sweat off his forehead.  
“But…” Joker stood up and looked down at him. “What the hell is your problem?”  
Ryuji looked down, the heat rushing to his cheeks.  
“Why are you being so… reckless? I mean… I know that’s just part of who you are… and I love it… and I rely on it. But this is… different. What is it?”  
“I just… you’ve taken me off starting lineup, and I feel like I’m weak against these shadows in Kaneshiro’s palace. You’ve been putting Queen on starting lineup instead of me… I don’t know… I guess I just started freaking out.”  
Joker let out an exasperated sigh and sat down next to Skull then. “Sk…” he stopped. “I haven’t been putting you on starting lineup lately because I need Queen to get the practice in… and I need you to be there for me when I get too tired. I need you to have my back when I can’t do it myself.”  
Ryuji felt like an idiot then.  
“I should have told you that was my plan…” Joker said. “I’m sorry.”  
“I freaked out. I’m sorry. I was just tired of getting my ass beat.” Ryuji looked up at Joker sitting next to him.  
“We’re all getting our asses beat. Why do you think our trips have been quick? I’m exhausted by the end.” There was a harshness to his voice. “you’re not failing… Ryuji… I am.” He leaned his head back and knocked it against the glass.  
Ryuji looked over and it wasn’t Joker he saw. Sure it was Joker’s outfit… but it was Akira. “You’re not failing, Akira. You’re not.” He stood and pulled Joker to his feet as well. “You’re the one keeping us all going.”  
Akira looked down at his feet before looking back up meeting eyes with Ryuji then. His eyes were soft and grey. They stared at each other for a moment too long.  
Ryuji cleared his throat, he wanted to look away, to escape this piercing silvery stare, but more than that he wanted to keep his eyes on Akira. God… how had Ryuji never noticed before how exceptionally beautiful Akira was.  
Akira put a gloved hand up before hesitating again. He put his hand to Ryuji’s collar before moving it up to his chin. Ryuji felt shivers where Akira’s hand touched him. Ryuji was scared. He didn’t know what was happening, but he didn’t think he wanted it to stop either. He reached up and put his hand on Akira’s chest. His chest was rising and falling fast.  
“Ryuji…” Akira breathed, barely a whisper. He moved their faces closer together.  
Ryuji’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest. He pulled at Akira’s collar, pulling him even closer. He could feel Akira’s hot breath on his lips. They pulled closer even still. Their noses brushing against one another. Ryuji could almost feel Akira’s lips against his own now. They were both hesitant, but then they heard it. The sound of a car. A bus. Ryuji shoved himself away as the Mona-bus came into view.  
“You idiots!” Mona yelled. “you absolute idiots!”  
Ryuji was beet red. He looked at Akira who had his head down. His cheeks were red, but he also looked sad.  
Mona turned to cat form and ran up to them. “What the hell were you thinking coming down here alone?”  
“It was my fault, Mona.” Ryuji scowled. “I… I wanted to train. But… I was feeling… I don’t know it was stupid I guess and embarrassed…”  
He turned back into a bus. “Get in… you can tell me the rest of the story while we get back up to the entrance.”  
Ryuji and Akira glanced at each other… Akira lowered his eyes. They sat in silence the drive up, on opposite ends of the seat. Mona yelled at them about how irresponsible going in alone was. But neither of them responded. They exited mementos and appeared back in the real world. Morgana still yelling at them while hopping into Akira’s backpack.  
Ryuji went home. He was confused by everything that had happened that. He needed to talk to Akira, but he wasn’t sure if he could make himself go over there. He laid on his bed, watching a small spider climb up to the furthest corner of his ceiling. He got up and bounced his hands on his knees. He paced his room a few times over before finally leaving.  
Even after leaving his home and walked around his neighborhood for a while before finally catching the train to Yongen-Jaya. Before he knew it he was outside Leblanc. He took a deep breath and walked through the door. Sojiro nodded to him as he cleaned some dishes. He walked up the stairs to see Akira sitting at his desk making infiltration tools. He perked up at the sound of Ryuji’s shoes. He blushed and looked down at his desk.  
“Hey…” Ryuji started. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Can… I talk to you?” he asked.  
Akira stood up before looking towards Morgana. Morgana sighed but got up and walked down the stairs. Akira looked down at his shoes. “Hey…”  
“Hey… I thought we could… talk…” Ryuji could feel the heat rise up to his cheeks. “You know… about… whatever almost… god…”  
Akira sat down on his couch, his head still down. “I’m sorry, Ryuji. I shouldn’t have…” he bit his bottom lip. He was upset.  
Ryuji walked and sat next to him. “No… it’s… it wasn’t just you… I don’t know what came over me. I feel like I just… got caught up. Can we just… forget about it?”  
Akira looked down at his hands. “Yeah… yeah of course… it’s already forgotten. I’m… I’m sorry.”  
Ryuji nodded and nudged Akira with his hand. “I’m still your right hand man, right?”  
Akira smiled. “Always.”  
They talked for a while longer before Akira walked Ryuji down the stairs. “So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, leader.”  
“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Akira waved goodbye.  
Ryuji walked back to the train station. He slumped his head down. ‘What did this mean?’ He was still confused about the entire situation and having that conversation hadn’t helped anything. He couldn’t be distracted, but he also couldn’t stop thinking about how sad Akira had looked then. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira laid down on his bed. He could feel the knot in his throat begin to form. He put an arm around his eyes. He had gotten his answer it seemed. He tried to shove the image of him and Ryuji almost kissing in Mementos, but it just kept rearing up. He couldn’t continue feeling this way, but he didn’t know what else to feel. He could still feel Ryuji’s lips so close to his. “Damn it…” he said as he choked on his emotions. “Damn it…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added the first five chapters just to get started. I'll start spacing the rest of the chapters with some space in between to not daunt any potential readers. Lol. But I didn't want to end my first chunk of chapters without this little bit of feels. This is just the beginning of the feels tbh.


	6. A Catch

They defeated Kaneshiro with time to spare. Ryuji was relieved that in the end the battle didn’t feel as terrible as he had worried it would feel. He had been training almost every single night. Things had gone back to normal for him and Akira too, it seemed. Summer had just begun and Ryuji was determined to remind Akira that they could still be friends and hang out like they used to. They had both experienced a weird rush of adrenaline at the same time, and it had made their emotions feel out of control, but that’s all that weird moment was in Mementos. It didn’t have to mean anything else… Ryuji was sure that Akira was completely over it by now anyways.   
He showed up at the café and waited for Akira to come down. Akira slid into the seat opposite him with Morgana in his bag. “Whadya say, man?” Ryuji said. ‘Wanna go so something? We could go train, or play this new video game I’ve been obsessed with recently.”   
Akira thought for a moment. “Let’s play that video game. I’m pretty sore from training yesterday.”   
“Hell yeah!” Ryuji said and jumped up. They climbed back up the stairs and Ryuji put his video game into Akira’s old gaming console. They sat on the two chairs in his room and began the battle. Ryuji won the first two games, then Akira started annihilating him after that. “Damn!” Ryuji threw his hands up in the air and nudged Akira with his knee. “How are you so good at everything?” he asked.   
“I’m not… I guess I just pick up on things quickly… I don’t know.” He stood up and stretched his shoulders out.   
“You’re even good at things when you say you’re not good at them.” Ryuji stood up too and lifted his hands up to the ceiling. “Wanna get something to eat?”   
Akira nodded. “Morgana… you wanna come?” he asked.   
Morgana didn’t respond. He continued napping on the bed.   
“Just leave him… we’ll bring him back something.” Ryuji started walking down the stairs followed by Akira. They went and ate beef bowls laughing at random memes they were showing each other. It felt normal again. It relieved Ryuji, but there was also some sting there.   
They snagged two seats on the train back to Yongen-Jaya. “Hey have you talked to Ann recently?” Ryuji asked.   
Akira fell into a deep blush. “Uh… yeah… I think she may want to take a little break from me right now.”   
“Ann? Why?” Ryuji asked.   
“She… sort of…” he ran a hand through his hair before covering his face with both hands. “She kind of confessed that she had feelings for me…”   
“Damn… you can even get a girl like Ann…” Ryuji said. “Wait, why would she be mad then.”   
“Well I… I had to turn her down.” Akira said. He looked at his hands.   
“Ann’s not your type?” Ryuji asked, he could feel a bubble forming in his stomach. He looked over at Akira who was still blushing.   
Akira shook his head without saying anything else.   
“Don’t worry, Ann won’t stay mad for long. She’s not like that.” Ryuji nudged Akira’s knee.   
They rode in silence the rest of the way, as they walked out of the train station it started dumping down rain.   
“Shit!” Ryuji yelled as they raced back to leblanc. “Damn… it’s really coming down hard, isn’t it.”   
Akira looked at him, then crinkled his nose and started laughing. He grabbed his stomach laughing harder.   
“What?” Ryuji said beginning to laugh too.   
“You look ridiculous! You look like a wet rat or something!” Akira kept laughing.   
“Hey!” Ryuji shoved him out from under the awning. “You’re not looking so hot yourself there.”   
They both continued laughing until finally walking back into the café.   
“Ugh…” Sojiro complained. “You’re getting water all over the floor. Hurry up and get upstairs.”   
They raced up the stairs, still laughing and shoving each other.   
“You guys are soaked…” Morgana said sitting by the window. “I watched you run from the station.”   
Akira began digging through his things and threw Ryuji a dry shirt and a pair of sweats. Before grabbing dry clothes for himself as well.   
“Thanks man.” Ryuji said. He started unbuttoning his pants before stopping feeling awkward suddenly. “Uhh… should I change downstairs?” he asked feeling heat rise to his cheeks.   
Akira tilted his head for a moment before he blushed as well. “Oh… I can just turn away.”   
He turned around and Ryuji changed quickly. It had never been weird before, but now he was feeling a little shy about changing in front of each other. Ryuji turned so Akira could change too, but turned around too quickly. He was just pulling his shirt over his head.   
“Now what?” Ryuji asked looking out the window. “I suppose I should wait this storm out.”   
“Yeah…” Akira sat on his couch. “We could put a movie on? Or read some books?”   
“Movie for sure.” Ryuji said hopping onto the bed so he could see the tv. Akira put a movie on and sat down next to Ryuji. And Morgana jumped down and sat on Akira’s pillow.   
The movie was almost halfway over. Ryuji stretched out, he stretched his bad leg out, grimacing a bit as it fully extended. Akira repositioned and suddenly their arms were touching. This wasn’t an odd thing for such a small bed, but it still made Ryuji blush. He snuck a glance over to Akira who seemed pretty engrossed in the movie. Ryuji went to move his arm away, but he hesitated and instead moved his arm closer to Akira’s, letting his hand fall next to Akira’s. He could have sworn he heard Akira inhale deeper than usual, but he couldn’t be sure. Akira snuck a quick glance towards Morgana who had curled up and closed his eyes. They kept their arms touching, neither moving further away. Ryuji could feel the back of Akira’s hand on his and it sent shivers down his spine.   
‘What the hell was this?’ he wondered to himself. ‘This felt way more than just friendly behavior.’ He took a bold move and wrapped his pinky around Akira’s, it almost felt electric to be touching him. He finally snuck a quick glance over at Akira; his chest was rising and falling like how it had been in Mementos that day and his cheeks were already a light shade of pink. Ryuji liked the feeling of making Akira blush, of making him lose even a bit of control.   
Akira pushed on Ryuji’s hand with his forcing Ryuji to turn his hand to palm up. They didn’t dare look at each other, both of their eyes glued to the screen like it was the most interesting movie either had ever seen. Slowly Akira moved his fingers up and down Ryuji’s palm, sending visible shivers through Ryuji. He tried to keep his breathing even, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Finally Ryuji grabbed the fingers running up and down his arm. This time he heard Akira’s breathing catch. They still kept their eyes locked onto the tv in front of them, but Ryuji was now running his fingers on Akira’s palm, the sensation building to a warmth in his stomach. He thought back to Mementos again, how close they were. He longed for that closeness again. But he felt frozen. Akira repositioned himself even closer to Ryuji, their entire sides were now touching and Akira’s hand moved to lay palm up in Ryuji’s lap, showing a weird level of submission Ryuji was unprepared for, the bubbling in his stomach traveling further down.  
Ryuji looked at Akira’s hand for another moment before taking it in his. The feeling of their hands touching felt euphoric and he could tell it felt the same for Akira who had goosebumps all up his arms. Finally Akira turned away from the TV; he was leaning towards Ryuji, his head down, soft curls tickling Ryuji’s shoulder.   
Ryuji turned his head inward as well so their foreheads were touching. He nudged Akira’s head up with his until both their heads were even with each other. He could feel the heat of Akira’s body like fire on his skin. He could barely stand it any longer.   
Akira leaned his head in closer. Their lips were once again almost touching. Ryuji could practically taste Akira’s breath on him. Finally Ryuji could no longer stand it. The anticipation felt almost painful. He closed the final gap and pressed his lips to Akira’s. Akira’s lips were soft. Softer than Ryuji had been expecting, the kiss didn’t last long as Akira pulled away, but only barely. They both took deep breaths before Akira leaned in again pressing his lips to Ryuji’s with more force than the first time.   
Ryuji put his free hand to the nape of Akira’s neck and pulled him in closer as Akira had grabbed onto the collar of Ryuji’s shirt. They parted again, Ryuji almost panting. He suddenly remembered that Morgana was on the bed and shot an eye to the still sleeping cat. Akira seemed to remember at the same time and was trying to stifle a laugh into Ryuji’s shoulder. This forced Ryuji to lean down too, trying to stifle his own laugh. It was pretty ridiculous. They were kissing like a couple of school girls and suddenly both got worried that the cat was watching. Ryuji couldn’t contain his laughter any longer and started gut-rolling, which resulted in Akira doing the same, and Morgana startling awake.   
“What the hell is so funny?” Morgana asked.   
“What? Oh nothing…” Akira said giving Ryuji a wicked smile.

Ryuji was unsure what this meant, they hadn’t kissed since that day in Akira’s attic, granted they had been really busy trying to figure out how to help Futaba, and they were finally going to get the final keyword from her today. Makoto and Akira had seemed to get closer lately; Ryuji could feel jealous pricks every time they talked to each other now. Makoto made more sense, she was smart and motivated in school just like Akira, they were both incredibly driven yet quiet. The other day she even got scared and held onto him while hiding her face. Ryuji could barely contain his jealousy then… he wondered if Akira had feelings for her too, or for her instead of him.   
The thought was making him prickly towards Akira; he could hear himself be a little harsher in his tone when saying things. Akira didn’t seem to notice the added sting much. They had gotten the keyword and Ryuji had immediately started navigation to her palace, which resulted in them being in the middle of the desert.  
They began driving towards the palace far off in the distance. It was deadly hot, they all felt sticky and miserable. Makoto and Ann were in the front while the three boys were crammed in the back. Akira was in the middle as Ryuji leaned against the window his sweat leaving an imprint. Suddenly Akira leaned his head against Ryuji and closed his eyes. He gently placed his palm in Ryuji’s lap face up like he had done that day in his attic. Ryuji began running his fingers up and down Akira’s arm without a moment of hesitation about the fact that there were four other people present. He laced their fingers together, rubbing his thumb across Akira’s skin. They rumbled along in the car like that, Akira’s hot body making Ryuji sweat even more, but he didn’t want it to end. He eyed over at Yusuke, who was looking over at them before giving Ryuji a little smile and looking away again. It made Ryuji flush with embarrassment that they had been caught, but he supposed Yusuke wouldn’t be one to care anyways.   
Akira sat up then and leaned forward, “Wow…” he whispered out.   
Ryuji followed Akira’s eyes out the windshield. “Holy shit…” he breathed out as a magnificent pyramid came into view. All of their mouths had dropped open at the sight.   
“The beauty…” he heard Yusuke whisper under his breath. They got out of the Monabus and into the hot sun.   
“Damn it…” Ryuji complained slumping forward. “It’s so effin’ hot…”   
“Let’s get inside,” Akira agreed. They started walking up the steps to the entrance. As they pulled open the huge door a gust of cool air hit them…   
They all audibly sighed at the relief of cool air. “Hey…” Ryuji said. “Our clothes haven’t changed.”   
“Well, Futaba asked us to change her heart herself,” Makoto said. “It’d be odd if she saw us as a threat wouldn’t it?”   
Akira nodded to her and Ryuji felt the familiar sting of jealousy. “Yeah… I uh… I knew that…”   
They began running up the many stairs, until they saw Futaba’s shadow waiting for them. It turned bad after that, which the others blamed Ryuji for, for not being as sensitive as he should have with her, but they were chased out of the pyramid by a huge boulder threatening to squish them.   
“Great…” Ann said. “Just great! Now we have to find a new way in.” She scowled at Ryuji who ran his fingers through his hair.   
“It’s not his fault.” Akira said adjusting his gloves; they had changed suddenly into their phantom thieves outfits as Futaba suddenly saw them as threats. “She wouldn’t have let us through that easily anyways. Come on… lets look around.” They began hunting for another way in, which they eventually found and had to make their way all the way back to the entrance. They found the Futaba shadow who wanted them to help her get something back that was stolen. By the time everything was done they were all cranky and tired and hot and they didn’t even start the actual exploration of the palace that day.   
They returned to the real world all feeling exhausted from the heat they had endured. Ryuji was feeling particularly defeated by Ann’s harsh words.   
They were all sitting in Akira’s hot attic trying to make a plan for the palace. As everyone dispersed Ryuji started trying to leave, but something was tugging on the back of his shirt. He turned around and Akira was holding his shirt back.  
“What’s up?” Ryuji tried to feign interest, but he really just wanted to go home and lay down and try to forget about how much of a failure everyone saw in him.  
“You okay?” Akira asked.   
Ryuji tried nodding but then shrugged his head down. “I’m sorry I messed everything up today.”   
“You didn’t mess anything up today, I told you, I don’t think she would have just let us in like that. I suspected it would be harder than it looked. And if it hadn’t been you saying something that set her off it would have been something else. She needs her heart changed for a reason. There’s clearly still going to be distortion.” Akira grabbed the front of Ryuji’s shirt and pulled him closer.   
Ryuji blushed and glanced over to Mona, who gave him a smug grin before jumping down off the table and walking down the stairs.   
“Does he… does he know anything… about us?” Ryuji asked.   
Akira blushed. “Yeah, I mean… he knows a little. I’ve been trying to avoid saying too much to him because I didn’t really know what to say.”   
“Yeah, I don’t really know what to say either…” Ryuji rubbed the back of his neck with his palm and looked away.   
“We don’t have to say anything… not right away at least… if you don’t want to…” Akira’s face was red; he was so easy to blush in the real world.   
“Yeah, maybe that would be better. I mean… I don’t even really know what’s going on here… m-myself.” Ryuji said finally meeting Akira’s eyes.   
Akira was staring directly at him with those silvery eyes. He grabbed Ryuji then by the back of his neck and pulled him closer removing space between them and mashing their lips together. It felt frantic and hot in the summer heat as they pulled at each other’s hair and grabbed at each other’s shirts. And before Ryuji knew it Akira’s tongue was in his mouth. Ryuji felt the familiar bubble down deep in his stomach. He slid his hand into Akira’s perfect curls, Akira groaning into his mouth as Ryuji pulled down on his hair. When they finally separated apart they were both red-faced and breathless.   
“Damn…” Ryuji let out in a breath. “That… was nice.”   
Akira smiled and looked down his feet. He was only a fraction taller than Ryuji and more than a fraction smaller than Ryuji.   
“Sorry…” He ran a finger down Ryuji’s collarbone. “Sorry… I uh… I think I let myself get a little carried away.”   
“Don’t apologize… I like carried away.” Ryuji ran his fingers through Akira’s perfect black, velvety curls. He felt a hot blush come over him. “It’s actually nice to know that you…” he looked into Akira’s big grey eyes. “You know… that you are interested still.”   
Akira’s tilted his head. “What do you mean? What do you mean still interested?”   
Ryuji thought his head would burst if it felt any hotter. “I don’t know, man… I guess… I just don’t really make sense… you know… for you. You’re smart… and driven… and I’m just… the screw-up ex-athlete with a bad attitude.” Ryuji felt a knot form in his throat. “I kinda figured you woulda figured that out by now and gone for someone who made more sense like… Makoto.”   
“Makoto?” Akira asked. “Ryuji… I… I don’t like… girls. I never have. And I’ve been enamored by you since… since the moment you raced after Komoshida’s car in the rain.”  
Ryuji was taken aback by this… he was trying to process all of the information Akira was giving him. “Wait… so you never… you’re…”  
“Gay, yes.” Akira said looking down at his hands. “For as long as I can remember.”   
“So that’s why you turned Ann down. I had been wondering about that. You know I mean… she’s a catch.” Ryuji said.  
Akira chuckled. “Why do you do that?” he asked.   
“What?” he laughed.   
“Ryuji… you’re a catch. God… you’re such a catch it hurts. It feels like I’m going to burst out of my skin.”   
“Jesus, Akira…” he said quietly. He looked down at his shoes. He reached up again, grabbing the back of Akira’s head pressing them into another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay listen... I was going to wait to upload more, but I love that people are already reading it and I just want to give more to read. So... can't stop won't stop.
> 
> Also... THEY KISSED OMG FINALLY!!!! Am I allowed to freak out over my own fanfic? I think so...


	7. Country Roads

Things progressed quickly in Futaba’s palace; they had gotten into a good groove and had been able to complete almost the entire palace in a matter of a few days. They were to the point of sending her the calling card, which they had all planned out, but could prove difficult as Futaba had to let them inside her bedroom. But they were somehow able to get her to let them in and give her the calling card. They immediately went for the treasure once in the palace.  
A fierce monster of Futaba’s cognition was waiting for them. The largest and fiercest creature they had fought by far. After almost dying, suddenly the real Futaba showed up. The turn of events from being scared she was going to die there to her awakening to her persona were shocking. With her help, they were able to defeat the cognition. Ryuji’s hands ached from handling the heavy bayonet used to take down the cognitive monster and he was feeling incredibly low energy as they were racing down the side of the pyramid, praying to god they could make it. Ann had thrown Mona who transformed into a car and was able to somehow catch them before they all got blasted off the side of the pyramid that came crashing down. They were all tangled up in each other as Makoto drove them away from the palace and suddenly there were back in the real world. Ryuji was limping, nursing his bum leg, but he smiled through the pain. “Hell yeah you guys!” They were outside leblanc. “Wait… where’s Futaba?” he asked.  
Akira and Makoto found Futaba and she seemed okay so now all that was left was to let her rest so she could in turn defeat the group of hackers called Medjed that were targeting them. They all practically crawled up the stairs, their bodies still sore as they hadn’t had the chance to revive at all after the battle. Akira fell onto the couch as the girls had taken over his bed. Yusuke sat next to them, his head resting on the wall behind them.  
Ryuji laid his head in Akira’s lap his eyes threatening to close as Akira ran his fingers through his hair. Ryuji ran his hand up and down Akira’s arm as his fingers carded through Ryuji’s hair.  
There was a snicker coming from the bed. “Well…:” Ann said. “Don’t you two look cozy over there?”  
“Shaddup…” Ryuji said, he could feel his cheeks hot, but he refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing it. He looked up at Akira who chuckled softly and smiled down at him. 

Waiting for Futaba to wake up was brutal, but Ryuji couldn’t be too annoyed as it had given him and Akira plenty of time to discover exactly what they were to each other. They had hung out almost every day while waiting for Futaba to wake up.  
Ryuji was sitting on the couch reading a manga with Akira’s head in his lap while Akira read a book. “I’ve never been to your house.” He heard Akira say.  
“Huh?” he asked engrossed in his manga. Akira moved the manga so Ryuji was looking at him.  
“I said… I’ve never been to your house.” Akira smiled up at him  
“Oh… shit you’re right.” Ryuji putting the manga down and began to twirl a few black curls around his fingers. Things had definitely changed between them. Akira was still Akira and Ryuji was still Ryuji, but there was a quiet softness when they were together. Akira had started really coming out of his reserved shell when he and Ryuji were alone too. “Well… do you wanna come over?”  
Akira sat up. “Now?” he asked.  
Ryuji shrugged. “Sure… why the hell not?”  
They both got up and took the train to the tiny neighborhood that held Ryuji’s tiny apartment. They climbed up the steps and Ryuji grabbed the doorknob. “It’s uhh… its not much…”  
“Dude…” Akira said. “I live in an attic above a café.”  
Ryuji chuckled lightly. “Yeah… okay.” He opened the door to their small, but clean apartment. Ryuji showed him around before they stepped into his dimly lit room. Akira smiled at the manga on the shelves and the weird video game memorabilia everywhere.  
“I like it…” he said. He gave Ryuji a weird look then, one Ryuji wasn’t as used to in the real world. It was a wild card look. Before Ryuji could take a breath he was being shoved against the wall, Akira’s body pressed against his own, their lips mashing together feverishly. Akira had shoved his leg against Ryuji's groin and the sensation made Ryuji’s knees threaten to give out. He yanked at the collar of Akira’s shirt before his hand found its way into the mess of velvety black curls. He pulled down making Akira groan.  
“Heh…” he began kissing at Akira’s neck, never letting go of his hair, giving a good tug every now and again to receive those sweet groans out of Akira. His stomach was all knots. They had never really done this. I mean, they were never really alone at Akira’s place. Sure it was nice that the teammates knew they were… something at this point, so they could hold hands and cuddle and steal quick kisses every now and again. And sometimes Mona would leave and go hang out with someone else, but that was during the day and the café was open, so they couldn’t really let loose then either, and Akira was always busy running around with his million part time jobs.  
He wrapped his arms around Akira’s torso pushing him towards the bed, shoving him down before falling on top of him. He could feel Akira arch up and press his body against him as they continued making out, Ryuji anxious to take it to the next level. Akira seemed to sense this because he grabbed at Ryuji’s hips, pulling them closer to his own. Ryuji groaned into Akira’s mouth, as Akira let out a dark chuckle before sliding his hand up the back of Ryuji’s shirt. They heard the front door open suddenly and they both stared at each other with wide eyes.  
“Shit.” Ryuji whispered leaping off of Akira. “Shit…” he tried to adjust his boner while Akira laughed with a shit-eating grin on his face.  
“Yuji?” she called. “Are you home?” he threw a manga at Akira who had sat up on the bed before jumping on himself. They looked relatively innocent besides the blush that was present on both of their faces.  
She opened the door and looked at them. “Oh… sorry I didn’t realize you had company over.”  
“No, it’s good. Mom this is Akira my… friend… from school.”  
Akira stood up and gave her a bow. “Ms. Sakamoto, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”  
She smiled. “A pleasure to meet you, Akira-kun. Will you be staying for dinner?”  
Akira looked over at Ryuji. “Yeah, you definitely should.”  
“I’d love to.” Akira said with a grin. He was so damn charming.  
They hung out in the living room watching TV while Ryuji’s mom prepared dinner for them. Ryuji kept glancing over at his mom anxiously. Akira was the perfect charming house guest. Offering to help with dishes, laughing at all the appropriate times. Ryuji walked him to the station later that evening.  
“I had fun,” Akira said touching the edge of Ryuji’s shirt.  
“Me too.” Ryuji blushed. “Maybe we can… pick up where we left off soon.”  
Akira got that wild-card grin again. “I’m planning on it.” He said in a whisper leaning in and grabbing Ryuji’s side before letting go and walking to the train entrance.  
Ryuji swallowed hard before leaving and heading back home.

Futaba had woken up and defeated medjed and they had started really relying on her while going to mementos because she could map out entire floors for them, something Mona couldn’t even do. They were traversing down, just doing some casual exploring in the monabus.  
“Country roads!! Take me home!! To the place!! I belong!!” they all sang exaggeratedly bad together. Makoto was giggling non-stop. “West Virginia!! Mountain Mamma!! Take me home!!”  
“Ryuji…” Makoto tried to say through gasping breaths… “Ryuji… your English accent is killing me!!”  
They all burst into laughter and Akira leaned into Ryuji putting a hand on his upper thigh leaning his face into Ryuji’s neck forcing Ryuji to squirm uncomfortably. Joker loved to make Ryuji squirm. Akira loved sweet touches and cuddling and holding hands, but Joker loved to make Ryuji sweat. He kissed at Ryuji’s neck, pulling him closer by his ascot.  
“Okay boys… no jumping each other’s bones in the monabus.” Oracle said.  
Joker didn’t move a muscle as Ryuji put his hands up to show he had nothing to do with what was happening. Joker rested his head on Ryuji’s shoulder and lazily looked to Oracle who gave him an annoyed, but amused looked.  
“Joker!” Mona yelled.  
Joker jolted up right as he saw a glowing red shadow ahead.  
“What do you want to do?” Mona asked.  
“Take him down.” Joker said darkly.  
Mona seemed to grumble about it but did as he was told. They entered into battle with a good advantage, but this glowing red shadow was powerful. It took a few good hits out of Yusuke who was weak against its fierce fire attacks. It hit Joker with a fear spell that had him doubled over. They always struggled if Joker got hit by something that put him temporarily out of commission. Mona gave a quick heal to everyone to make up for the fact that they had to go a round with Joker stuck. It was a rough round without Joker’s strong attacks backing them. Finally Ryuji ran up and slapped some sense into Joker who was able to continue on and beat the shadows into a pulp. Yusuke was weak and they carried him back into the Mona-bus as he hung off of Joker and Skull’s shoulders.  
Joker gave him a revival bead which he tossed into his mouth.  
“You need to be paying more attention!” Mona scolded.  
“I don’t know why you’re upset,” Joker said calmly, but the fierceness could be felt under his words. “We still beat it.”  
“You’re not paying attention. You’re our leader…” Mona grumbled.  
“I know that, and I was on top of it. If you want to pick a time to scold me over something pick a time that I actually do fail you.” He crossed his arms and looked away, ending the conversation. Mona grumbled more to himself as everyone was silent for a long period of time.  
Makoto was picking at a piece of leather on her outfit. “I… I think maybe you two should apologize.” She was addressing Joker and Mona of course.  
“Why should I?” Mona spouted out.  
“Because… Joker is right. He was still on top of his game during that battle. Nothing could have been done any better. But… maybe you’re a little bit right too, Mona. We all need to be making sure our focus is… well… where it needs to be.”  
Joker sighed and ran a gloved hand through his curls. “Okay… no you’re right. I need to be paying more attention. You shouldn’t have to tell me when big shadows are near, Mona. I’m… sorry.”  
Mona was silent for a minute. “Me too. You did do perfectly. I think I just got annoyed because you were all ignoring me. But you were still on top of it, and I’m driving us around so I am the first to see shadows anyways.”  
Joker patted the wall of the car and smiled. “We good?” he asked.  
“Yeah…” Mona said as they continued driving. It was a little awkward for the remainder of time in Mementos as they were still laughing with each other, but there was definitely an underlying awkwardness as Joker kept a reasonable distance between himself and Skull, which had become an unusual thing and Mona continued his silence. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira and Morgana had been silent towards each other that night as he packed his school bag, the new term beginning tomorrow. Morgana was sitting on the windowsill watching a gentle summer breeze pull leaves from trees.  
“Mona…” Akira said sitting on his bed. “Are you still mad?”  
“No… not about that.” Mona said quietly. “I just want to feel useful to the team. More than just driving you guys around. And I was your best friend. And now you have a boyfriend and you spend all your time with him and…”  
“I’m sorry.” Akira added. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been spending all my time with Ryuji, I guess I’m just…”  
“I know… you’re in love… right?”  
Akira blushed fiercely. “I don’t know… maybe… but regardless. I don’t want it to come between us…” his phone pinged.  
“Ryuji?” Morgana asked.  
“No… um… no sorry it’s Mishima. He’s saying he’ll be out of town soon.” Akira shot a quick text back. “Oh… apparently we have a school trip in a week. We’re all going.”  
Mona sighed and looked out the window.  
“Do you want to talk some more?” Akira asked.  
“No… you should get some sleep. You have start of term tomorrow.” Morgana jumped to the bed and curled up as Akira snuggled into bed as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting steamy up in here, and Morgana is being angsty af. Hawaii is coming... ;)


	8. Hawaii

They were all waiting at the airport. Ryuji raced through the customs line not realizing how late he was. He raced over to them finally, panting and putting his hands to his knees. “Damn… I thought I wasn’t going to make it.” Akira grabbed at Ryuji’s elbow, a little thing they had started in the metaverse when Joker wanted to be close to him, but didn’t want the teammates to notice. Ryuji moved to be a little closer to Akira and put a hand to Akira’s lower back sending goosebumps down Akira.  
“Let’s get a picture of all of us together.” Ann said as they all got closer together. Akira pulled his phone out and snapped a picture of all of them.  
They sat together on the flight over to Hawaii with Akira in the window seat. He had been leaning out watching the scenery while Ryuji napped on his shoulder. Ryuji had been thinking about this trip for a while now. He was nervous, not for flying or for being away from home, but he and Akira were at a turning point. He could feel it; he knew Akira could feel it as well. They had made out a lot, and sometimes things would get a little heavy, like hands under shirts or shirts completely off. A few incredibly quick and dirty hand jobs that mainly left both of them wanting more, but Ryuji was nervous for what came next. He didn’t really know how far Akira had gone before; it wasn’t a conversation they had been able to talk about yet. Ryuji had never gone all that far with girls. About to where they were at now, they had never really talked about what going further would look like for them. And Ryuji was anxious that going further may happen on this trip with ample alone time and no cat to bother them.  
As the plane landed in Hawaii they were all stunned at how gorgeous it was. It was green and pretty and the air smelled like flowers. They had gotten their room assignments and Ryuji had dropped his bag quickly before changing into his bathing suit to meet everyone else.  
They had played in the water splashing each other. Ryuji had grabbed Akira throwing him under the water as a huge wave came crashing down on them. Which resulted in Ryuji getting pulled under with him. And finally they were lying down in the sun, Akira’s head resting in Ryuji’s lap as he sun-bathed his back. Ryuji could stay like this forever, in the hot sun with Akira’s head in his lap. Akira had dozed off while Ryuji played a game on his phone. He stopped and looked down at Akira, who was getting a nice tan on his back and shoulders.  
“Ann…” he called out to her. She was lying next to them with sunglasses on reading a magazine. “Pass me the sunscreen.”  
She handed it over without taking her eyes off the magazine she was reading. Ryuji squirted some onto his hands before rubbing it onto Akira’s back. Akira shivered at the cold and looked up at Ryuji, his eyes lazy.  
Ryuji smiled and pushed Akira’s head back down into his lap. He lathered Akira up with sunscreen before putting the remnants on his own shoulders and chest. He leaned back on his elbows and Mishima and Makoto sat down with them, some sandwiches in tow.  
“Anyone for lunch?” Mishima asked. Yusuke put down his sketchbook and jumped to grab a sandwich for himself.  
Ryuji’s stomach growled, but Akira was still napping happily.  
“Snag me one, wouldya?” he asked Yusuke who nodded grabbing three sandwiches for when Akira woke up.  
“Ryuji, you are a surprisingly good friend.” Mishima complimented. “Letting Akira rest on you like that.”  
Ryuji blushed and ran a hand through his hair. “Umm… yeah…”  
The girls stifled giggles as Yusuke unwrapped Ryuji’s sandwich for him. “Yes, Ryuji is an unrelentingly good friend.”  
“Oh yeah, he’s a great friend.” Ann said teasingly. “Especially when being such a good friend is rewarded--- OW!” she rubbed her arm where Makoto elbowed her.  
“Ryuji-kun has many fine qualities.” Makoto added.  
Ryuji felt the heat all the way up his scalp. He munched on the sandwich as Akira finally started to slump himself up.  
He stretched as Yusuke handed him a sandwich. Akira nodded thanks and leaned back against Ryuji who had already finished his sandwich and was now lying down in the sun. Ryuji drew circles on Akira’s toned back as Akira chatted away with the others.  
Finally they went back to the hotel for dinner and then all crowded into Akira and Mishima’s room with snacks and manga. Ann was still engulfed in a magazine and would stop occasionally to send pictures and snap chats to Shiho. Mishima and Makoto were engaged in a friendly debate and Yusuke was sitting on the couch next to Ann with is sketchbook finishing up a sketch of the sunset they had experienced today. Akira was leaning against the headboard his eyes on Ryuji who was laughing at something Mishima had said.  
He could feel Akira tug at his elbow and he sat down next to him before Akira put his palm in Ryuji’s lap. Ryuji blushed and glanced over towards Mishima, the only one who didn’t know what was going on.  
Akira leaned in and put his chin on Ryuji’s shoulder. “He wouldn’t care, you know?” he whispered to Ryuji.  
Ryuji blushed again, but nodded and took Akira’s hand in his. He kept glancing over towards Mishima, who didn’t seem to notice at all. Akira leaned his head down on Ryuji’s shoulder and nuzzled in and it drove Ryuji crazy, which he was sure was Akira’s intention. Ryuji loved Joker’s forwardness. He couldn’t deny that when Akira was in his Joker persona it sent chills all down Ryuji. He loved when Joker would grab him in the metaverse with such force that it almost hurt and he loved when he would sneakily press his hands against Ryuji. But there was nothing better to him than Akira. Akira was gentle and soft while still being shockingly confident in himself. Akira wanted to be cuddled and he wanted his hands on Ryuji, but it was much softer and much more submissive than Joker’s desire to be in control.  
Ryuji could barely contain his urge to grab Akira’s face and plant kisses all over him. He grabbed Akira’s hand tighter and leaned into Akira’s hair. It always smelled good, like he had just freshly showered, even if he hadn’t. Mishima glanced over then and he and Ryuji caught eyes. Ryuji blushed again and looked down.  
‘Ryuji…” Mishima said. “What do you think?” he asked like seeing Akira snuggled into him while they held hands was the most normal thing in the world.  
“Bout’ what?” Ryuji asked staring at his hands.  
“Do you think phantom thieves should be allowed to re-take the tests they may fail? I mean… those phantom thieves are really busy…”  
“Oh hell yeah!” Ryuji yelled startling Akira. “I mean uh… yeah they definitely deserve that.”  
Makoto huffed. “Maybe they should just be studying already so they can pass their tests the first time around.”  
“Well maybe they’re a little bit busy saving people, Makoto.” Ryuji said.  
Akira scoffed. “I don’t think you have much of an argument here, Yuj…”  
“What?” Mishima asked. “You don’t agree, Akira?”  
“No. I think 90% of the phantom thieves have great marks, so… I don’t think… statistically speaking… that this argument is even valid.”  
Makoto let out a giggle and Ryuji nudged the black haired boy lounging on him. “Hey!” he exclaimed.  
Akira chuckled and threw his arm over Ryuji shutting him up.  
Ann stood up and stretched out. “Let’s head out.” She grabbed her phone and her magazine. “I’m pooped after today. See you guys tomorrow.” Yusuke got up and began putting his sketchbook away. Makoto hugged Akira and they all exited.  
“Ryuji are you sleeping here tonight?” Mishima asked, again like it was the most normal thing in the world.  
“Umm… I don’t know… I should probably…” he fumbled through his words as Akira grabbed him tighter, scrunching Ryuji’s shirt in his fingertips.  
“Stay,” he all but whispered.  
“Yeah okay… I need to go and get my pjs though.” He shrugged out of Akira’s grasp as Akira got up and walked over to his own suitcase searching through it.  
Ryuji raced down to his room, and opened the door.  
“Hey… can you… stay somewhere else tonight? Like with your friends?” the boy asked.  
“Oh… um yeah sure.” Ryuji said grabbing his pajamas out of his bag.  
“Thanks man… my girlfriend wants to come over and… you know…” Ryuji grabbed his toothbrush and nodded at the kid.  
He took the elevator back up to Mishima and Akira’s room. The shower was running and Akira sat reading a book on his bed, Mishima nowhere to be seen.  
“Is he in the shower?” Ryuji asked pulling his shirt off. Akira nodded a hint of Joker in his eyes as he eyed Ryuji shirtless. He got up and pulled Ryuji to him. Ryuji shivered at the force. He pulled Ryuji back to the bed and on top of him. Their tongues danced around each other while Akira slid his hand underneath Ryuji’s waistband eliciting a muffled groan from Ryuji.  
“You like that?” Akira said darkly.  
‘What do you think?” Ryuji pulled down on Akira’s hair as Akira’s hands snaked up and down him. The shower turned off and Ryuji shoved himself off of Akira then, who had a smug grin as he glanced down at the hard on that threatened to push its way out of Ryuji’s pants.  
He adjusted himself quickly to hide his boner from Mishima. Who walked out moments later rubbing a towel in his hair.  
“Ryuji, did you want the shower?” he asked.  
“Nah man… I’m good. I’ll just go change into my sweats really fast.” He raced into the bathroom trying to avoid the awkwardness of having a hard on in front of Mishima.  
When he came back out Mishima and Akira were engaged in a conversation about the Phantom Thieves, Mishima’s favorite subject.  
“Geez man…” Ryuji said flopping onto Akira’s bed. “Don’t you ever take a break?”  
“Of course not.” Mishima said. “The phan-site never goes on vacation. So neither do I. Besides it doesn’t really feel like work for me… you know?”  
“Yeah I getcha.” Ryuji said pulling the covers down and leaning against the headboard with his manga from earlier. Akira got into bed next to Ryuji and laid down, turning away from Mishima, although Ryuji doubted he was planning on falling asleep.  
Mishima continued his conversation with Ryuji about the phantom thieves and who they were thinking of for their next target. Ryuji listened and gave him some approving nods, but it was hard to do anything else as Akira had started running fingers in soft circles on Ryuji’s lower stomach, occasionally sliding underneath his waistband.  
Ryuji wasn’t sure if it was the palpable awkward sexually charged tension pulsing between him and Akira or if it was the fact that Ryuji had pretty much started ignoring everything he was saying in order to not moan audibly at Akira’s gentle touches, but Mishima said goodnight and turned the light out, turning away from the two boys.  
Ryuji slid down next to Akira then, whose grey eyes he could still see in the darkness. Akira grabbed at Ryuji’s hair and pulled him into him. Their lips fiery against each other. Ryuji’s hand slid up Akira’s grey shirt as he ran his fingers up and down Akira’s torso before sliding his hand around Akira settling in on his back and holding him close. Akira shuddered at the hold, wrapping his arms around Ryuji’s neck. Ryuji took his other hand and ran his fingers through black velvety curls.  
“Yuj…” Akira whispered so quietly Ryuji almost couldn’t hear him. He looked at Akira, whose eyes shone in the moonlight. They stared at each other for a moment, neither taking their hands off the others body, but neither making any sounds. Ryuji could see a hunger in Akira’s soft grey eyes that made his head spin. God he was so beautiful. Neither said anything. But they stayed like that for a long time before both finally falling asleep in one another’s arms.  
The next day was spent touring the island during the morning followed by beach time in the afternoon. Akira, Mishima, and Makoto had decided to try surfing while the others hung out and relaxed in the sand.  
“So… Yuj…” Ann started and Ryuji could almost feel her gaze fall on him.  
“Hmm?” he responded while flipping a page of his manga.  
“Did you stay in Akira’s room last night?” she asked.  
“Yep,” he refused to give her the satisfaction of blushing.  
“And…” she asked.  
“Christ Ann… if ya got somethin’ to say just say it.” He sounded harsh, but he knew Ann wouldn’t be fazed by it.  
“Did you guys… you know?” Ann asked.  
Yusuke stopped his sketching and looked up as well.  
“For real, Yusuke… you too?” Ryuji asked.  
“I must admit I have been curious. You two seem to be moving at a specific pace and one can only deduce that sex is imminent. I would love to hear about the intimacies of two men. It might make for some incredible art.”  
Both Ann and Ryuji stared at Yusuke in disbelief, who acted like he had just mentioned drawing something mundane like fruit or a mountain. “Dude… that’s… what the fuck…” was all Ryuji could get out.  
“The desires of the heart are different for every being. I would be quite interested in seeing the desires of the heart that are different from my own.” He flipped his sketch book to a blank page. “Could you please describe Akira’s body in detail?”  
“Eff no man!” Ryuji blushed violently. “Look we haven’t… y’know… done that… yet.” Ryuji closed his manga and hid his face from both of them with his elbows. “Why the hell am I even talking to you about this?”  
“Because we’re your friends.” Ann nudged him. “Do you want to?”  
“Ann, I’m not talking with you about this… its uncomfortable as shit!” he yelled. Makoto came running up the beach and flopped down on her towel.  
“That is so much harder than it looks.” The boys followed up as Akira collapsed onto the towel with Ryuji. Leaning into him and lightly pressing their lips together for just a moment before leaning back on the towel.  
“What are you guys talking about?” he asked.  
Ryuji couldn’t help but blush more as Ann stifled a laugh.  
“We were merely discussing the desires of young love…” Yusuke said again. “Akira, I wonder if I could pick your brain a bit?”  
“Sure, Yus…” Akira said sitting up.  
“No!” Ryuji yelled. “No more picking anyone’s brain.” He stood up and pulled Akira to his feet. “Come walk with me.”  
They walked down the beach a ways before Ryuji could muster any words. “Have you… uh… talked to Ann about us?” he finally asked.  
Akira quirked his head to one side, “a little… I guess. Why?”  
“Does she know that we… you know… about what we...” Ryuji slumped his head forward, touching it to Akira’s bare chest. “God this is so awkward. She basically just asked me if we had sex last night.”  
Akira was shaking and when Ryuji looked up at him he could see how hard he was trying to stifle his laughter. “I’m sorry…” He crumpled to the ground. “I’m sorry that’s just… so Ann.”  
“Dude what the hell? Have you told her stuff?” Ryuji asked.  
“No…” Akira stood up, still laughing. “No of course not. I mean not about that. You know I’ve told her how I feel about you and stuff like that… just normal friend stuff I guess.”  
“Thank God…” Ryuji said. “I can’t handle her teasing me about shit like that…”  
“What did you say to her?” Akira asked.  
“Whaddya mean?” Ryuji looked at Akira, who had a slight blush on his cheeks.  
“You know… about the sex?” Akira looked down at his hands.  
“Well… I mean I told her we hadn’t done that yet.” Ryuji could feel a blush falling to his cheeks as well.  
“Do you… want to at all?” Akira was blushing furiously now. Ryuji met his eyes, and it was all Akira. His eyes were soft and grey.  
“I mean… hell yeah of course I want to… but I’m also… kind of… god… nervous? Is that dumb?” he asked.  
“No it’s not dumb. I mean… I’m nervous too.” Akira ran a hand through his wet hair. “But… I have thought about it.”  
Ryuji could feel his stomach turning to knots. “I have too… have you… ever…”  
Akira shook his head. “No… I mean I’ve messed around before, but I’ve never really gotten much farther than… what we’ve been doing. What about you?”  
“Well… I mean you’re definitely the first guy I’ve ever done anything with… but I’ve made out with a couple of girls in the past.” Ryuji couldn’t deny that he felt a little bit jealous that someone else had touched Akira the way Ryuji had.  
Akira cleared his throat and reached for Ryuji’s elbow. “I mean… I… I want to… if…” he cleared his throat again. “If you want to…”  
“I definitely… want to, Akira… like a lot.” He pulled Akira a little closer to him. He could feel Akira’s breathing get deeper.  
They were still a few inches from each other; Akira ran his hand down Ryuji’s chest, causing Ryuji to shudder lightly.  
“We can… you know… I can tell Mishima not to come up… and I have stuff with me… for… us.” Akira said just above a whisper.  
“God… yeah okay.” They began circling back to the hotel. They got back up to Akira’s room as he slid the key-card in as Ryuji licked at his ear and at his neck. He double locked the door as Ryuji tangled their limbs together. “Hold on… Yuj… hold on. I need to text Mishima and tell him to stay away for a while.”  
He grabbed his phone on nightstand and shot a quick text to Mishima before tossing his phone on the other bed. He grabbed Ryuji then and pulled him onto the bed their hands running all over him.  
“God Akira…” Ryuji whispered as Akira slid his fingers underneath Ryuji’s swim shorts. Ryuji peeled them down off of him as Akira shimmied out of his own. And there they were. Naked together. Ryuji blushed and looked to Akira.  
Akira scooted further on the bed and laid down, Ryuji climbing up with him. “Should we start slow?” Akira asked.  
“Yeah…” Ryuji slid his hand down until it found Akira’s and they lay together with their fingers intertwined.  
Akira got up and went to his suitcase where he pulled out lube and condoms. “I… uh… I prepared.” He got back onto the bed and shoved the lube towards Ryuji, the blush on Akira’s face so deep red that it made Ryuji blush even more fiercely.  
“You… you want me… to…” Ryuji couldn’t form words. He was so turned on and embarrassed at the same time.  
“Yeah… I want you to…” Akira whispered sending shivers up and down Ryuji.  
“God…” Ryuji groaned. “hell…” he couldn’t even get words out. He reached out and pulled Akira closer to him, their entire bodies pressing up against each other.  
“Can you… start with your fingers?” Akira was a deep red that made Ryuji have to focus on not swooning.  
Ryuji nodded and Akira moved himself to lying down on his stomach. Ryuji put some lube on his fingers as he ran the other hand down Akira’s back. “God…” Ryuji breathed out. He toyed a finger lightly outside of Akira’s entrance, relishing in the sharp inhales Akira was taking. Ryuji pressed teasingly at Akira’s entrance to elicit a groan from him.  
“Yuj….” Akira whispered out. “Come on… do it… please.”  
Ryuji could feel his stomach drop as he slowly slid one finger into Akira. Akira shivered and shoved his head into a pillow. It was so warm… and soft… Ryuji slid another finger in, which promised him another groan from the black haired boy. “Ya like that?” Ryuji’s voice was hoarse.  
Akira groaned deep into the pillow as Ryuji pushed down further. “God…” was all Akira could breathe out.  
Ryuji continued pumping his fingers for a while, fast, and then slow again. Akira was moaning fiercely into the pillow now.  
“Ryuji… I want you…” he got out through gasps of air.  
“Yeah… you-you feel okay? I don’t… god….” Ryuji was so hard he could barely form a sentence. “God… I don’t want to h-hurt you.” He pulled his fingers out and turned Akira to face him.  
Akira had a smug grin… “Come on… this is me we’re talking about.” He grabbed the condom and ripped it open with his teeth, which sent shivers down Ryuji. Akira rolled it onto Ryuji as his eyes threatened to bulge out of his head. “Come on Yuj…” Akira got close to him then… their lips barely touching. “I trust you…please…” he kissed Ryuji’s lip, biting at his bottom lip. His voice had coarseness to it with those last words that made Ryuji’s vision blur.  
Akira laid back and Ryuji slid himself on top of him, thankful for being in such good shape as the act of holding himself up wasn’t much of a strain. He looked into Akira’s big grey eyes and smiled. Ryuji positioned himself better and put a hand on Akira’s hip to steady himself as he pushed himself against Akira’s entrance. Akira let out a groan, Ryuji slowly pushed into him. It was tight, almost unbearably tight. He bit his lip trying to prevent the groan that was already escaping him. “God…. F-fuck...” He looked at Akira whose eyes had all but rolled back in his head and he was grasping at Ryuji, anywhere he could reach. “Is this okay…”  
Akira didn’t answer and when he tried to a sharp groan escaped him instead.  
“Do you want me to stop?” Ryuji asked through pants of his own.  
“No!” Akira said sharply. “G-god… no… keep going… please keep going…” He pulled Ryuji closer to him.  
Ryuji shuddered but pushed in further as they both groaned together. Akira was pulling on Ryuji’s hair and grabbing at the back of his neck almost frantically.  
Ryuji started moving faster, he could feel the sensation of an orgasm begin to bubble in his groin. “Damn it… Ak… damn it… I’m not gonna l-last… f-fuck… long.”  
Akira grabbed him and pulled him to his mouth kissing him in between pants. “I don’t… care Yuj…” he panted and swallowed hard. “Just… p-please… harder…”  
Ryuji could barely stand it but he began pushing harder and faster. He could feel it coming, but he tried to stop it. He was almost embarrassed at how quickly things were going to end. But he noticed that Akira had started to squirm around violently, his own hand wrapped around his dick. He pushed harder, holding out as long as he could until he could barely see anymore. He could feel Akira tighten around him as Akira groaned frantically and hungrily and he finally let go. He came more than he thought was possible, worried that the condom wouldn’t hold it all.  
His body was shaking as he planted kisses all over Akira who was shakily wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s neck, still panting. He finally opened his eyes and smiled up at Ryuji.  
“Damn…” Akira finally said. “Skull’s got some skill.”  
Ryuji blushed and shoved his mouth on Akira’s. “Shuddap…” he whispered.  
They showered while still teasing each other and kissing each other before getting their swim trunks on again and walking back to the beach where there friends were still all enjoying the hot sun.  
They both sat down on Akira’s towel, Ryuji relishing in the slight wince that graced Akira’s face as he lowered himself to sitting. It turned Ryuji on to see that he had left a lasting feeling inside Akira and it was all he could do to not run his hands all over him again. Instead he settled for lacing their fingers together and planting a small kiss on Akira’s forehead. 

The rest of their Hawaii trip went by quickly with playing with their friends all day on the beach and Akira and Ryuji sneaking off every now and again once they could no longer hold out from wrapping each other up and when they were back in Japan Ryuji felt more than a hint of sadness that their alone time had been cut down to barely any, and their responsibilities had been increased by about the same ratio. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira got back and could already tell that there was a tense air around Mona. He didn’t want to hear about Hawaii at all, and seemed like he really wanted to talk with Akira. Akira let a yawn slip at the wrong time and after that Mona refused to speak with him and told him that he just needed to sleep instead. The next morning as Akira packed his school bag Mona was silent, never meeting his eyes, and only giving him quick one-worded responses when he would ask a question. There were so many things Akira wanted to tell Mona, who felt like the only member of his team he could talk freely with besides Ryuji. He wanted to tell him about his time in Hawaii, but Mona seemed distant, so he kept his heart-racing glee to himself.  
Ryuji touched his side as they waiting for the next train. “Hey,” he said. “God… I’m still so tired. How are you feeling?”  
Akira smiled and held in the urge to kiss Ryuji. “Still pretty jet-lagged.” He said quietly grabbing Ryuji’s elbow and pulling him closer.  
Ryuji blushed, “We meetin’ today?” he asked.  
Akira nodded, still unwilling to relinquish his hold on Ryuji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay friends... it freaking happened! I wanted this to really feel like a first time, so I tried to keep the steam to a minimum to make it a bit more realistic. Hopefully that comes across. 
> 
> Also, I had a question, would people rather I just upload a crap ton of chapters at once for binge-reading or slowly?


	9. Mona

They were in a disagreement for the first time. No one seemed to want to start the newest palace. Ryuji was annoyed, but also anxious about it since his team was scared. Morgana was on edge and snapped at Ryuji for backing down, which made Ryuji angry and forced him into saying things he didn’t really mean. He regretted calling Mona a useless cat as it came tumbling out of his mouth, but it had been too late to stop it.   
Morgana had left, and the others left shortly after. “Don’t worry…” he tried to say. “He’s just gonna blow off some steam. He’ll come back.” He glanced up at Akira who was staring at him with fierce angry eyes. Ryuji ran his fingers through his hair and looked down. “Sorry… I got carried away.”  
“Why’d you say that to him?” Akira said harshly. “Why do you always rise to a fight?” Akira threw his bag onto his bed with a little too much force.   
“Dude… I’m sorry okay? I guess I just got hot-headed.”   
“But he was hot-headed too… god Yuj… read the room. We were all stressed, but you walked right into it.”   
“Hey!” Ryuji’s voice was harsher than he meant it. “It wasn’t all my fault… that damn cat was pushing me as well.”   
“I know that!” Akira yelled crumpling to the bed. “I know… I know…” he wrapped his arms around his face.   
“Shit…” Ryuji said sitting next to him. “I fucked up… but I’ll make it right, okay. We’ll find him.”   
Akira fell into Ryuji wrapping his arms around Ryuji’s ribs. “I love you… but I need you to be level-headed when others aren’t. You’re my right hand man… but you’re also my boyfriend. And its… it’s hard for me to not just take your side in things. I’m their leader… I’m your leader. I can’t just take your side if you’re wrong… okay.” Akira was laying on Ryuji, looking him in the eyes.   
Ryuji nodded before mashing his lips against Akira’s. “Did you… did you just say that you loved me?” Ryuji finally asked.  
Akira’s eyes got wide and his face got red. “I… I did… I do.”  
Ryuji smiled and felt his cheeks turn red. “I uh… I love you too, dude… No homo though.” Ryuji snickered as he slid his hand underneath Akira’s shirt.  
Akira rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as he leaned in closer and pressed kisses into Ryuji’s neck.

They had found Okumura’s palace and were in search of Mona, but when they found him he was with some weird girl calling herself the beauty thief. They ended up having to run away as the beauty thief had lead tons of shadows right to them. They kept chasing after Ryuji for what seemed like forever, but at least everyone got away. He was pissed at that damn cat… and that damn chick with him. He was fuming when he finally made it back to Akira’s attic. Everyone was panting, and he could feel his blood boiling. He wanted to yell, but he tried remembering what Akira had asked of him last night.   
“Damn it…” he finally said. “Why’d they keep coming after me?”   
“Did Mona really betray us?” Futaba asked.   
“He wouldn’t do that,” Akira said firmly.   
“I want to believe that too, man…” Ryuji said.   
“I think that if he had betrayed us he could have just turned us in… he didn’t.” Makoto said. “But I still think we need to be wary of this new partner he had… the beauty thief.” 

They were hidden in the mementos entrance for what felt like ever waiting for Mona and the Beauty Thief to show up. Ryuji was growing restless.   
“Skull,” Ann said to him. “When we corner them… you’re going to apologize, right?”   
“Yeah yeah… don’t worry I’ve got what I’m going to say…” Skull rolled his shoulders. He glanced over at Joker who was hidden next to Queen. Joker gave him a nod and a smile as they continued waiting.   
Finally Mona and the Beauty Thief showed up. They tried to talk to them. Ann tried to give a heartfelt apology then nudged Ryuji. “Yeah man… look… I said some shit I didn’t mean… I don’t care if you’re useless or… if you’re a cat---“   
“So you do think I’m useless?” Mona yelled.   
“What… no!” Ryuji called back, but it was too late. They ended up having to chase the Monabus through mementos on foot, every time they almost caught them Mona would practically run them over to prevent it. Finally Mona and the beauty Thief escaped and they were all panting.   
“Skull!” Panther yelled. “Why the hell did you say that??”   
“I was trying to apologize!” Skull yelled back his blood rushing to his head.   
“That’s your idea of an apology? God you’re such an idiot!” Panther yelled.  
“Hey!” Joker’s voice was harsh. “It wasn’t his entire fault. Mona was being stubborn from the get-go.”   
“Can you stop defending your boyfriend for a second and act like our leader!?” Panther yelled before covering her mouth in regret.   
The silence was more than uncomfortable and Joker’s fierce gaze was fixed to Panther. He walked up to her. “I am. It does us no good to lay the blame on each other like this. It’s just making everyone angry. Skull already knows that I’m disappointed in how he handled this entire situation… he doesn’t need you yelling at him too.”   
Panther had hot tears threatening to pool out of her eyes. Joker put a hand to her shoulder. “We’ve got to stick together here…” he said softly. “It’s not helping us at all to yell at each other.”   
Ryuji looked down and kicked at the ground. “I’m sorry guys…. I fucked up. I’m no good with words. I was trying to say that I didn’t care if he was useless because he wasn’t. Because was still part of our team. It just… didn’t come out that way.”   
“We need to leave. We can’t linger in Mementos.” Joker began walking back to the exit. The rest of the team followed and somberly returned into the real world.   
“What are we gonna do?” Ryuji asked Akira touching his arm.   
Akira shrugged his shoulder and let out a loud sigh. “I don’t know.”  
“Someone…help…” they heard Mona cry weakly. They all ran to where the voice was only to find Haru being grabbed by some well dressed asshole.   
“Hey!” Ryuji yelled. “Get your hands off of her!” He and Akira pushed the guy off.   
“This is just a lovers’ quarrel between me and my fiance, nothing more.” The well-dressed man said.   
“Well, it doesn’t seem like she wants to go with you…” Ryuji said darkly. He took a couple of steps towards the man who backed away quickly.

They took Haru back to Akira’s attic and were able to talk Mona into coming back and joining the team. As everyone dispersed Ryuji hung around for an extra second.   
“Hey… uh… Mona…” he rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m… no good with words. But… I hope you know that none of what I said before was true. You’re not useless… in fact this team would be pretty screwed without you.”   
“Same Ryuji… you may be an idiot. But you’re our idiot.”   
Ryuji smiled and nodded. “Hell yeah.” He said. He leaned into Akira and brushed their lips together before he hopped down the stairs. Everything felt back to normal after that. 

Okumura’s space station was hard. It wasn’t the shadows either, it was just difficult, it required so much mentally from Joker that their progress was slow. Even Joker got stuck or lost sometimes and had to just end up taking them all back to safe rooms because they had spent too much of their energy trying to find their way around. They all ended up back in the attic after a particularly frustrating day that hadn’t really gotten them anywhere.   
Everyone was on edge, Akira worst of all. He was silent and stared at the table as the others lamented about how difficult the day was. Eventually everyone left leaving just Ryuji and Mona in the small attic.   
“Man… today sucked.” Ryuji said sitting down next to Akira.   
“I know!” Akira snapped before wincing at the tone that came out. “Sorry… I’m sorry. I just… it’s never been this difficult before.”   
“We’re not expecting you to get everything right the first time, Akira…” Mona said.   
“But you do…. You all do. You guys follow me into battle without batting an eye. And then days like today when I just get us into useless battles for no good reason that take it all out of us without even making progress in the palace…” He threw his head on the bed groaned into his pillow.   
Ryuji sat down next to him and rubbed fingers up and down his back. He started rubbing his shoulders the way his track teammates would rub out each other’s muscles after a long and hard practice. Akira sighed deeply into his pillow.   
“That feels good…” he said quietly. Ryuji moved so he was kneeling over top of Akira, his legs on either side of him so he could really press into Akira’s tense shoulders. He pulled Akira’s shirt up, as Akira shimmied out of it the rest of the way. He began massaging in circular motions into Akira’s shoulders and up his neck, occasionally getting a relaxed groan out of him. He saw the black cat slink down the stairs, leaving them alone in the attic.   
“Hey… Akira… can I ask you something…” Ryuji said feeling the heat rise to him as he ran his hands down Akira’s back.   
“Hmm?” Akira’s eyes were closed, but he nodded showing he was listening.   
“When… did you know?” Ryuji asked.   
“What do you mean?” Akira murmured through a groan as Ryuji pressed on a particularly persistent knot in his back.   
“You know… that you were gay?” Ryuji asked.   
Akira opened his eyes and turned to look at Ryuji. He shifted so he was lying on his back and Ryuji was straddling him now. He seemed deep in thought before he finally spoke again. “I suppose, when I was twelve. There was this kid in my class Akito and… I just had a big crush on him. I didn’t think it was weird until I heard someone tell me it was weird. After that I just kept trying to find girls to crush on, but it just wasn’t happening, you know? Like I just didn’t think they were attractive. So… I just sort of gave up. There were a couple of guys that I dated after that, but nothing serious. Nothing like this… with you.”   
Ryuji felt a surge of emotions as he rubbed his hands up Akira’s stomach and to his chest. He felt his stomach drop. “Is it bad that… I don’t know what I am?”   
Akira grabbed one of the hands on his chest. “What do you mean?”   
“Like… I don’t really think I’m gay. Because I like girls. I’ve always liked girls. And to be honest, I’ve never liked boys like that… at all… except for you. So I kind of wonder if you’re just a special exception to my feelings.”   
Akira smiled. “I like being the exception. It feels different for me too, you know. I mean I’ve liked guys before… obviously. But it’s different with you… I feel like… I was meant to find you.”   
Ryuji leaned his head down and pressed his lips to Akira’s. “I feel that, man… god… I love you so effin’ much.”   
Akira smiled and closed his eyes. “Me too, Yuj… so effin’ much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No homo though." lols Ryuji. It's my birthday today! I've officially reached my late twenties!


	10. A Tight Spot

Defeating Okumura’s palace wasn’t easy, but in the end they watched him fall. They were able to take his treasure and everything felt good. They spent the evening of the press conference at Destiny Land, Ryuji had forced Akira onto the super crazy roller coasters, at first because they were fun for him, but as the night went on he couldn’t help himself because of the way Akira grabbed onto him as tight as he could, which only added to the stomach dropping feeling they would get as they dropped. Ryuji could barely contain himself as they went through a long dark tunnel and he had to grab Akira’s face and force kisses all over him as Akira screamed like a little girl. Ryuji was shocked to see Akira giddy with fear. They had taken down way scarier things in the metaverse, in fact in the last palace they had literally been flying through space and Joker never batted an eye. But that was the metaverse. He was their fearless leader over there. Here, in the real world. He is Akira. Scared of heights and clinging to his boyfriend for protection. Ryuji loved it.  
Ryuji had wrapped Akira up in a hug after they had finished a particularly scary rollercoaster to help steady him. And Akira pressed their lips together, running his fingers through Ryuji’s short blonde hair. They heard Ann and Makoto giggle as they saw the flash of a camera.   
“Hey!” Ryuji said. “I better not see that on the internet!”   
“Oh it’s going right onto the Phan-site.” Ann teased. “Joker and Skull sittin’ in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”   
Akira smiled at Ryuji lazily before planting another kiss on him. These are the moments Ryuji would wish later he could focus on. Not the press conference. Not watching Okumura’s eyes roll back in his head and dark blood dripping out of his eyes and mouth. Not the sound of Haru whimpering her father’s name.   
They all rode the train home in silence afterwards, everyone’s eyes filled with regret and fear. Akira grabbed Ryuji’s hand. They were in public, which always made Ryuji uncomfortable, but he could feel Akira shaking and knew that he really needed it so Ryuji grabbed his hand tighter. Futaba was leaned against Yusuke who was trying to calm her down. Akira reached his other hand out and grabbed Makoto’s hand that was also shaking violently. By the time the Yongen-Jaya stop approached they were all had their hands on each other. And without even speaking they all got off and made their way to leblanc. Yusuke and Futaba had gone back to Sojiro’s house to get blankets for everyone and they all still without speaking to each other found places around Akira’s attic to sleep. Ryuji and Akira snuggled on a makeshift bed on the floor together with Mona. Futaba lay on the couch with Yusuke right below her holding her hand as her tears still couldn’t be stopped. Makota and Ann shared the bed. They were all shaking and quiet, but it felt less scary together. Ryuji kept stroking Akira’s arm while he was unmoving. Every now and then wet tears would fall onto Ryuji’s arm, and Ryuji honestly couldn’t be sure if there were from him or from Akira. Ann and Makoto seemed to be holding each other each trying to muffle sobs. And they could all barely hear Yusuke giving Futaba silent words to help calm her.   
The next morning when Ryuji woke up he felt like his head had been filled with sand. He had been wrapped around Akira, whose eyes were open staring up at the ceiling. He sat up and looked around the room. Makoto and Ann were still sleeping on the bed and Futaba had her hand on Yusuke’s chest who it wrapped up in his own hands.   
He looked down at Akira. “Did you sleep?” he whispered.   
Akira shook his head, still looking up at his ceiling. Ryuji stood up and stretched out his bad leg. He saw Makoto stir before sitting up herself. Slowly everyone woke up. They still couldn’t really speak to each other as they all got ready to leave for school in yesterday’s uniforms.   
Futaba was shaking again as Akira pulled her in a hug, Yusuke wrapped his arms around her on the other side and before they knew it they were all wrapped in a tight group hug. If circumstances were different Ryuji would have made fun of them for this, but the warmth of his best friends around him actually did calm his nerves down.   
School was miserable, and Haru wasn’t there, which wasn’t surprising. Everyone was saying that they had killed Okumura, which they were sure wasn’t true. Akira had texted just him and asked for him to meet on the roof. Ryuji showed up after school to find Akira already out there sitting on a chair.   
“Hey…” he said walking up. Akira looked up at him, his eyes rimmed with red. He had been crying. Their fearless leader was terrified. Ryuji rushed up to him and pulled him into a hug. “Akira… it wasn’t our fault.” He whispered.   
“I did something wrong. Something went wrong…” Akira was shaking. Ryuji grabbed his face with both of his hands. Akira looked tired.   
“What can I do? Tell me what I can do for you?” Ryuji whispered.   
“Can you just… hold me for a second?” Akira said.   
Ryuji nodded and wrapped him in a deep hug. Akira was always strong. He always had it together, and before this Ryuji had never really wondered if it got hard for him. If he ever felt like it was too much to carry. Akira put his arms around Ryuji’s back and leaned his head into the crook of his neck. 

It was becoming more and more difficult for Ryuji and the rest of the phantom thieves as they navigated after President Okumura died. Their popularity had plummeted with everyone believing they had actually killed him. They were all stressed out, but weren’t really sure what else they could do except for wait it out and lie low for now. They had been going to mementos more and more to try and change more hearts and to keep up on their skills, but it was weighing down on them.   
“This effin’ sucks…” Ryuji said as he, Akira, and Futaba played a video game in the attic.   
“What getting your ass kicked this bad?” Akira asked.   
“You know what I mean…” Ryuji said.   
Akira sighed and paused the game and looked over to Ryuji. “Look, Yuj… it’s our own fault. Sure we were used, but we walked right into it. Right now it’s best to just lay low and wait until we find a new target.”   
“Yeah how’s that comin’ Futaba?” Ryuji asked, still feeling in the mood to pick a fight.   
“Don’t start with Futaba, Ryuji.” Akira was still being soft, but Ryuji knew that he was treading the water.   
“I’m just sick of being cooped up and being framed for effin’ murder… we’re being wrongfully accused man…”   
“I know… don’t you think I hate it too?” Akira said. “This is the second time I’ve been wrongfully accused of something for just trying to do the right thing. I get it. But you need to chill out, there’s already a plan coming into place to get information from Akechi so…”   
“Yeah and I still don’t like that plan. We can’t trust him!” Ryuji yelled.  
“You’re just jealous because he’s prettier than you and flirts with your boyfriend.” Futaba jested.   
“I ain’t jealous of that tool. Trust me… I got nothin’ to be jealous over… I just think he’s been gunnin’ for us from the start and I don’t want to suddenly take his info just cuz we’re in a tight spot.”   
“But we are in a tight spot, Yuj. We’re in a really tight spot. The police are starting to get more and more ammunition against us. Politicians are starting to vocally oppose us as part of their running platforms…” Futaba leaned backed in her chair. “We are in a really tight spot and there’s only so much info I can gather. So at this point… I mean any information is good information, right?”   
Ryuji sighed and slumped forward.   
Akira rubbed his back up and down, running his fingers through Ryuji’s hair. “Don’t get so antsy. We’re not done yet…” Akira unpaused the game and they continued playing their three on three death match.   
“Hey what do you mean he flirts with my boyfriend?” Ryuji asked after a couple of seconds. “He flirts with you?”   
Futaba snickered as Morgana made a mocking pouting face.   
“Don’t worry about him…” Akira said killing Ryuji’s gunman. “Worry about the fact that I just annihilated another gunman.”   
“Shit!” Ryuji began mashing down buttons to try and recover to no avail.   
They were all saying goodbye but Ryuji pulled Akira into him forcefully pressing their bodies together and shoving Akira against the wall forcing him to shudder. He slid one hand around Akira’s back while moving the other to his hair and tugging lightly before kissing Akira with as much intensity as he could muster.   
When they finally pulled apart Akira was flushed and breathless. “Jesus…” he whispered. “What was that for?”   
“Yeah seriously Ryuji!!” Morgana complained from the bed. “At least warn a guy before you attempt to bang in front of him!”   
Ryuji ignored the cat and pulled Akira into another kiss, a quicker one before smiling at him with a wicked grin that only Skull could muster, watching as it made Akira squirm with pleasure. “Just reminding you why I’m not worried bout Akechi.”   
Akira burst into laughter while still being covered with kisses. “You’re an idiot….” He said putting his arms around Ryuji’s shoulders. “But you’re mine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter today, we all know what's coming up. Anyways, hope everyone is staying safe in these crazy time.


	11. Right Hand Man

The plan was starting to fall into place, which made Ryuji even more anxious, He hated the plan; he fought against the plan with all of his might. He hadn’t been the only one either, but Akira was determined, and after that there was no convincing him otherwise. But as more and more pieces fell into place and it started to look more and more like they might be able to pull it off… Ryuji hated it that much more. The night before they intended to execute their plan had finally arrived.  
“There’s too much risk…” he whispered to Akira out of the blue as they soaked in the bathhouse near Lablanc.   
Akira had his eyes closed but opened them again looking over to Ryuji. He glanced around at the other people in the baths with them.   
“Not now… Yuj… let’s talk about this later.” Akira closed his eyes again and leaned back further, knowing the moment they were in private again they were going to have the same argument they had been having for the past month.   
And it came the second they entered the attic. “This is a suicide mission… you get that, right?” Ryuji asked his cheeks already getting hot.  
“It’s not…” Akira said sitting on the couch. “Everything is going perfectly… why are you still freaking out? We’re gonna make it.”   
“I’m not thinking about the we part!” Ryuji yelled. “I’m thinking about the you part!”   
Akira stared at Ryuji before glancing over to Morgana who picked up the signal immediately and walked down the stairs.   
“Okay… let me have it…” Akira said.   
“You could die, Akira. And not like die in the metaverse and have to be revived. Like actually die. And don’t even try to say that’s not going to happen because you and I both know it might.”   
“Okay… it might happen, Ryuji. But it’s not going to. Futaba believes that her app is going to work and we already know the location works—“   
“I don’t give a fuck about any of that!” Ryuji yelled.   
“Trust in your team!” he yelled back grabbing at Ryuji’s shirt holding it as tight as he could. “Trust in me!” Akira wrapped himself into Ryuji . “I can’t keep having this fight with you, Yuj…” he whispered to him.   
Ryuji felt a knot form in his throat.   
“I’m terrified…” Akira whispered even more quiet. “Do you not think I’m terrified?” he pushed off of him then and sat back down. “And when you keep trying to talk me out of it… do you think that helps.”   
“You’re my boyfriend!” Ryuji fought back.   
“I don’t need you to be my boyfriend right now!” Akira yelled. Ryuji couldn’t help the angry tears fall from his eyes, he wiped away fervently. Akira got up, realizing he had hurt Ryuji. “Ryuji… you’re my right hand man in battle… and you’re my boyfriend. And I love that you’re both, because it makes us better. In every way it makes us better.” He wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s shoulders and nuzzled into his neck. “But right now…” he whispered. “You’re acting too much like my boyfriend. I know it’s not a great plan, I know that there’s a high risk attached to it. But it’s the only plan we’ve got… it’s all we can do.”   
Ryuji wrapped his arms tightly around Akira and clenched his jaw tighter to prevent more angry tears from forming.   
“You’re thinking too much like you’re gonna lose me. This is the mission… we’ve gotta do it… and I need you on my side. I need you to believe this is gonna work, Ryuji…”   
“Why?” Ryuji asked, he tried to make his voice sound less harsh, but he wasn’t able to.   
“Because I can’t do this without you.” Akira’s voice was soft and even. “I can’t leave you tomorrow if I think that you think I’m gonna die… I can’t… I can’t leave you. Because you’re my boyfriend. But I have to leave you because it’s what needs to be done. Please don’t make me make this choice of leaving my boyfriend behind…” Akira had started shaking. “I’m terrified, Yuj… and I can’t be terrified tomorrow. But I am because you’re scared I’m not going to come back and I’m terrified of leaving you.”   
“Akira…” Ryuji whispered grabbing both sides of his face.   
“Tomorrow… I need you to be my right hand. I need you to be Joker’s right hand. Not Akira’s boyfriend.”   
Ryuji sighed and touched their foreheads together. “I’m your right hand man… always. I trust my leader.” They both took a deep breath in together before Ryuji connected their lips. They didn’t separate until they were both completely breathless.   
“I love you…” Akira breathed. “So much…”   
“Same here…” Ryuji whispered, choking on the hot tears that were caught in his throat. “So effin’ much.” He pushed his lips into Akira’s, desperate to feel Akira against him.   
“I want you…” Akira whispered through kisses. “Please… I want to be with you tonight…”   
Ryuji could feel the knot form again but he nodded as they fell towards the bed. He knew that tomorrow he couldn’t have any doubts, he couldn’t show weakness, and they all knew they had to live the lie until the end. But tonight, Ryuji wasn’t going to stop until was sure he had every single piece of Akira memorized. 

The moments were happening fast. They had defeated Sae Nijima’s shadow, and the plan was falling into place perfectly. He was determined to keep his promise, but he had to grind his teeth to stop himself from shaking as he and Yusuke grabbed the treasure.   
“Wait… there’s movement! Massive movement! They have us surrounded.” Oracle yelled watching her scans.   
“How are we going to get out of here?” Panther yelled, panic in her voice.   
In a moment of pause. A breath he heard Joker’s voice. “Leave it to me…”   
“Are you sure of this…” Akechi asked.   
“Yeah he’s sure…” Ryuji said looking into Joker’s eyes. “He may be quiet… but once he’s set his mind to something that’s it…” he handed Joker the treasure, letting his hand linger on Joker’s for just a moment before he could lose it. “See you on the other side, man.”   
Joker and Skull locked eyes for a long moment, and Ryuji could see Akira’s soft grey underneath that piercing silver stare. He smiled at Akira and forced himself not to think that it could be the last time he got to see those perfect storm eyes or the perfect boy that he had fallen more in love with than he thought possible.   
Joker sighed and smiled at Skull. “See you on the other side.” He gave him one last smile before taking the treasure and running in the opposite direction.  
“Let’s go!” Ryuji yelled and they began running through the palace to escape as Joker drew the attention of the police. They were safe quickly as Oracle watched Joker fight off shadows and evade capture.   
They were all hidden… Akechi playing his part perfectly still it seemed. He feigned concern and fear where he was meant to. It pissed Ryuji off so god damn much, but he refused to play his part any less than perfectly as well.   
“Enemies here!? Can you make it Joker?”   
Ryuji’s heart threatened to beat out of his chest as it all ended. He could barely breathe… “They got him…” he said darkly. “Son of a bitch!” he yelled. He went to jump up, but Yusuke was holding him back.   
“Skull! Skull!” he yelled. “We’ve gotta go! It will do him no good if we get captured too.”   
“I’m going to the police department… I’m going to get him out… trust me please…” Akechi grabbed onto Ryuji who could barely see through his rage.   
He looked to Akechi… his hands twitched before he put his hands to Akechi’s shoulders. “Get him the hell out of there!”   
They all watched Akechi run off, wondering if it was the last time they would see him. They sat there hidden for a moment longer. Ryuji shook with rage and fear as Ann grabbed his hands.   
“We need to disperse…” Makoto said shaky and breathless. “We can’t be found. Keep an eye on the news.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit's getting real up in here. I'm going to try and upload a few chapters today because I love that you guys are binge-reading it. :)


	12. The Worst Part

Ryuji thought that the waiting was the hardest part. He had to fight the urge to go to the attic and wait; he had to fight the urge to cry in fear to his mother every time she asked him if he was feeling okay. It was hard not to talk to his friends. Ryuji thought the waiting was the hardest, but he had been wrong.  
They all sat silently in the attic, waiting for the sign that they could come downstairs. They heard footsteps and saw Sae walk up with a smirk on her face. “Come on downstairs now.”  
Ryuji’s heart beat loudly in his chest. The worst part was over… he thought. They had done it. They had beat Akechi at his own game. They waited impatiently in the Lablanc café as the bell on the door dinged and Sojiro walked through followed by the black-haired boy still in his school uniform, a smug grin on his face.  
Ryuji ran up to him, “Welcome back you bastard!” Ryuji put an arm around him, and that was when he noticed it. Akira coughed, but it was a cough that hid a pained groan. Ryuji could feel Akira tense up at his touch, but that smug grin never left his face. Only then did Ryuji really take a good look at him. He was cut up and bruised all over. This shouldn’t be anything surprising, and he had experienced much worse in the metaverse, although that was a place that wounds could be healed quickly.  
He sat down and Ryuji sat next to him, an anchoring hand on his knee. Akira was putting on a good face; Ryuji didn’t think anyone else noticed it. But Ryuji knew Akira too well. They talked about how perfectly the plan had been executed. How Akira was able to convince Sae of his innocence and how they were able to pull off a perfect death of Akira’s cognition while the real Akira just sat by and watched it happen.  
After a while everyone started to disperse, and then Sojiro’s face got serious. “Kid… help me get him up the stairs.” Ryuji grabbed under one arm while Sojiro grabbed the other and Akira groaned loudly and painfully as they began walking him up the stairs. By the time they had made it all the way up Akira was panting and wincing at every step. “I’m calling that doctor over to look at you. Will you stay with him?” Boss asked Ryuji all three of them know full well that Ryuji wasn’t going anywhere.  
“Thanks man…” Akira said as Ryuji ran downstairs to grab him some water, which he took, his hands shaking so violently water spilled over the edge of the cup. Ryuji grabbed the hand in his and took the water cup again before racing back down the stairs to grab a straw as well. That made things easier, and Akira chugged the water down quickly. Ryuji helped him out of his jacket. Morgana watched on with a sad look in his eyes.  
“What… did they do to you?” he asked. Akira pet the cat’s head in a sort of don’t worry gesture as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. But neither Ryuji or Morgana could prevent the horrified gasps that escaped them as Akira removed his shirt. His torso was covered with dark big bruises the size of boots and big cuts and gashes.  
“It’s… not as bad as it looks, guys.” Akira tried reassuring, but Ryuji didn’t think even Akira believed it.  
Just then the doctor and Boss walked up. Her eyes widened when she saw him and she rushed to him commanding Ryuji to help get him into the bed. She had brought a case of medical supplies and started to clean his wounds, which were received with painful hisses from clenched teeth as Akira’s face was hidden by his elbow.  
“You have two cracked ribs…” Tae said somberly. “What the hell were you doing?” she asked. She sat him up as she wrapped a bandage all around his torso. She gave him some strong pain relievers, forcing him to take them right away. “From what I can tell there’s no major damage. No internal bleeding… do you know what they drugged you with?” Her fingers traced the needle marks on his forearm.  
“Drugged?” Ryuji blurted out before he could stop himself.  
“Someone needs to stay with him tonight to keep an eye on him. I’ll be back in the morning… take two more pills in four hours.” She said before leaving briskly.  
Ryuji was already sending a text to his mom when Boss looked over asking him to stay. Boss left then, leaving the two boys and the cat together.  
“Ak—“ he was stopped by a hand brought sharply in the air.  
“Ryuji… don’t… please… don’t say anything.” He choked up as he brought his hand back up to his face, trying to mask his sobs.  
Ryuji couldn’t help himself. He rushed over; unsure where to put his hands that didn’t hurt he grabbed Akira’s hand in his.  
“Let get you out of these pants…” he said quietly. Akira nodded and told him where his pajamas were. He put his hands on Ryuji’s shoulders as Ryuji slowly slid his pants down, revealing even more bruises. Akira standing naked before Ryuji as he changed him out of everything he was wearing and slowly slid new underwear and new pants up him was intimate in a way Ryuji didn’t want. He slid the long grey sweater over the bandage wrap slowly and helped Akira get back to lying down.  
“Can you put a timer on your phone for the pain meds?” Akira asked. “Four hours?”  
Ryuji did and sat at the edge of the bed. He looked over at Akira, who was visibly exhausted. Ryuji couldn’t hold back any more as he felt hot tears fall from his eyes. He put his head in his hands, there was no point hiding it as violent sobs shook him. There was a hand on his back and Akira’s head rested on Ryuji’s back.  
“Ryuji…” Akira whispered, his voice catching and shaking. “Please don’t cry.”  
“S-sorry.” Ryuji wiped his eyes held Akira close to him. “Sorry… I should be comforting you.”  
“Can we just go to sleep?” Akira whispered. “I’m so tired.”  
“Yeah, let me help you get into bed.” Ryuji said.  
When Ryuji woke to the sound of his alarm he felt groggy. He had fallen asleep with his head on Akira’s bed. It was the middle of the night. He grabbed the pills and a few crackers from the side table. He touched Akira’s shoulder who woke with a start. His eyes were wild and foggy all at the same time. He started immediately hyperventilating and looking around in a panic.  
“Hey…” Ryuji said softly. “It’s just me…” he ran tiny circles on Akira’s shoulder, the one without the bruise.  
“Yuj…” Akira said hoarsely. “It’s so bright… but I can’t see anything. I can feel my heart beating… but I don’t feel alive…it b-burns in my veins… it’s making me forget… Yuj… are you still here?”  
Ryuji slid into bed next to Akira wrapping him up. “I’m here, Akira… I’m here.” Ryuji clenched his jaw. They had known he’d take a pretty nasty beating, it was only expected. But they hadn’t expected him to be drugged. They had expected him to be completely coherent and able to convince Sae of Akechi’s alternate plan with ease. They had been stupid…  
“Yuj…” Akira choked out grasping at his hands around him. “Please don’t let me go. Please don’t leave me.” He was shaking violently and tears were sliding down his cheeks and catching in his hair.  
“I’m never letting you go.” Ryuji said trying to hold back the tears. He remembered the pills he still held in his hand. “You need to take these pain meds.”  
Akira agreed and Ryuji helped him get them down before they both fell back asleep in each others arms. Ryuji waking every now and again to Akira shaking violently as he soothed him back to sleep.  
Ryuji had been wrong. He thought the waiting was the worst part, but this, watching this boy that he loved terrified and hurt was worse… but at least he was back. 

The next few days went by slowly. Ryuji had brought some clothes over, his mom wasn’t huge on the idea of him staying at someone’s house on school nights, but he told her he really needed to study and get help and it was just easier this way. Akira started to seem more like him again, to Ryuji’s relief. The bruises started to fade, but he would still wake up in a panic in the middle of the night, Ryuji having to coax him back to sleep. They were experiencing an intimacy Ryuji didn’t know existed. He thought that all of the intimacy he could experience with Akira had already happened. But this was different. This was why they were them. Ryuji would plant kisses on Akira’s forehead as Akira buried his mess of curls into Ryuji’s chest. They would kiss each other in corners of Yongen-Jaya backstreets with Akira pressed so fervently against Ryuji that he was sure passerby would blush. They had never really been much into PDA mostly because Ryuji would get embarrassed, but there was a desperate need to constantly be near each other after fearing they had lost one another. They were pretty insufferable to be around, they would all be sitting around playing video games or watching movies, when Akira would seem unable to stop himself from sliding into Ryuji’s lap. And Ryuji was unable to stop himself from planting kisses into Akira’s hair and down his neck. The rest of the team would groan and roll their eyes, but they also understood, because they had all almost lost Akira too, even if they didn’t know the severity of how it affected Akira.  
The first time they had sex after the incident was so full of fear while still being full of passion that Ryuji would play back the feeling of Akira rocking himself on top of Ryuji, his hands in Ryuji’s blonde hair as Ryuji held his hips, pressing into him. “Please,” Akira kept whispering during. It was desperate sex. A trying to memorize each other sex. 

But all too quickly those days came and went. And Akira was back to being motivated and they were back to searching for intel on their newest target. Masayoshi Shido. The soon to be new prime minister unless they stopped him. The reason why Akira had a criminal record he didn’t deserve. Ryuji knew that this needed to be done. He knew that they had defeat him or else Japan as they knew it was over, but he was anxious to begin. He wanted to just stay in the attic with Akira forever, wrapped in blankets playing video games together.  
“You’re doing it again,” Akira said softly to Ryuji as they sat together on his bed, Yusuke and Futaba sitting on the couch together wrapped in each other’s arms, in a way that absolutely could not be comfortable, Yusuke sketching and Futaba playing her switch.  
“What?” he asked looking up from the manga he hadn’t been paying any attention to.  
Akira grabbed at Ryuji’s elbow and put his head to Ryuji’s temple. “You’re panicking…” Akira whispered quietly to Ryuji, making the hairs on his neck stand up.  
“I…” Ryuji started, looking over to Yusuke and Futaba who had stopped what they were doing and were now meeting his eyes with knowing looks. He blushed. “I can’t lose you again.” He said.  
The room got tense, but they all felt it. The fear after Akira had been taken. “I know… and you won’t. I promise.” Akira ran a hand through Ryuji’s blonde hair. “I won’t ever do that to you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira is much more affected by the interrogation in my story line. And Ryuji is honestly such a good boyfriend.


	13. Crow

Shido’s palace proved difficult in more than one way. And Skull was not at his best. He was anxious constantly, every time Joker took a hit he would freak out. After a particularly frustrating go of the palace where they weren’t able to make much progress at all, Akira grabbed his hand before leaving the café. “Yuj… let’s talk.”   
Ryuji followed him up the stairs. He knew this was coming, he had been doing poorly in the palace, he had been making stupid mistakes and holding everyone back. He looked down at his feet, focusing in on the spotless floor.   
“How can I make this easier on you?” Akira asked. Ryuji was almost surprised. He knew Akira would understand, but there was nothing there but sadness in his voice.   
“Huh?” Ryuji asked.   
“I hurt you.” Akira said. “And now I’m going into another palace guns blazing… and it’s just hurting you more. So how can I make it easier on you?”  
“I don’t know…” Ryuji wrapped his arms around his chest to try and stop the shaking. “Every time you take a hit I see you that first night. I can’t help it…” Ryuji choked on the knot that was forming in his throat.  
Akira removed the distance between him and wrapped Ryuji in a deep, tight hug. “Yuj… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”   
“You made me support you in getting captured, then you came back broken and I had to hold the pieces together, Akira… and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I’d do it again every time… but now every time I close my eyes I see you panicked in the middle of night and in pain. I don’t know how to make those feelings go away when we’re in battle.”   
“Do you need a break… from the front lines? You can be an alternate for a while.” Akira said drawing little circles on the back of Ryuji’s neck with his fingers.   
“I don’t know… maybe… but the idea of not being by your side scares me even more. I know you’re more than capable… you’re stronger then all of us put together… but I feel like you’re mine to protect… and I’m failing.”  
“I’m not going to die, Yuj… I know that it’s hard for you to believe that because you had to take care of me… But that was a planned almost death, it won’t happen again.” Akira whispered trying to coax Ryuji down from the ledge he was teetering on.   
Ryuji nodded, sure he hadn’t convinced himself or Akira that he was down, but what else could he do but nod in agreement at this point? 

As they neared the end of Shido’s palace finally getting the last letter of recommendation from The Cleaner, they were feeling rather victorious. Joker did a quick healing spell, but didn’t check in with his fighting team, which consisted of Mona, Queen, and Fox, to see how they were feeling. And they were fading.   
“Joker lets switch some people out.” Skull offered. “I’m raring and ready to kick ass.”   
“Lets get to a safe room, we’ll just head out after that.” Joker began walking out.   
“Joker…” Skull said again grabbing his wrist. Joker stopped and looked at him, the obvious concern ridden all over Skull’s face. “Switch some people out… you know, just in case.”   
Joker rolled his eyes. “We’re just going to a safe room. C’mon the longer we just wait here the more in danger we are.” He shrugged out of Ryuji’s grasp and continued on. As they ran up the stairs a dark figure emerged from the shadow. It was Goro Akechi, he had two shadows on either side of him and a wicked grin. Joker’s eyes got wide as he stopped in his tracks. His breath hitched under him.   
“Joker…” Skull whispered.   
“Switch out with Queen…” he said quietly and darkly. Skull went behind Queen and touched her shoulder lightly as she stepped aside and he took his rightful place at Joker’s right hand.   
The fight was painfully hard. Akechi had so much energy and so much skill it took all of their power to finally bring him to his knees. Joker swayed, but Skull was there to lean into him, keeping him up.   
Suddenly more shadows appeared and a shadow version of Akechi appeared with an evil look in his eye. Joker was panting while leaning on Skull for support. “I don’t know if we can survive any more. He winced at the effort it took to speak.”   
“How can we get out of this, Oracle?” Skull asked.   
She brought her screens up… “It’s unlikely we’ll make it out of this alive…” she whispered to them.   
Ryuji could feel his heart began to race, but Joker stood up and grabbed his hand. “I made you a promise…” he whispered. “I’m going to keep it…”   
“So this was Shido’s plan…” Akechi said to his shadow self. “To have me kill myself, clean everything up so there were no more loose ends?” he looked back at his former comrades then.   
“You can still make the right choice, Crow…” Joker said softly to him. Ryuji looked at Joker, but it wasn’t Joker. It may have been Joker’s clothes, but it was all Akira there, reaching out to the person that tried to kill him. Reaching out to the person that sold them out, that baited them from the start.   
“I never belonged…” Akechi said still keeping eye contact.   
“You could belong…” Akira said taking a step forward, his hand still clinging to Ryuji’s. “Just make the choice and you’re home.”   
Ryuji thought he saw Akechi’s eyes fill, but he couldn’t be sure because suddenly the shadows were starting to close in. Akechi gave them one final look, a wild card look that Ryuji had gotten so used to seeing on the black haired boy he had grown to love so much. And before they knew it there was a shot to a button and a wall slid between the group of Phantom Thieves and Akechi and the shadows.   
“Promise me something… Joker…” they heard from the other side of the wall. “Make that bastard pay…” his voice sounded manic.   
“Crow!” Joker called his hand at the wall.   
“Promise me!” Akechi yelled back.   
There was a pause before Joker responded. “We will… we’ll make him pay.” They heard a gunshot, and then silence.   
“I can’t sense him anymore…” Oracle said quietly.   
Joker still had his hand to the wall. Skull put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Damn it…” Joker said. “God damn it!!!” he banged his fist against the wall.   
“Joker…” Skull put his hands on his shoulders. “We gotta go. We gotta get outta here before more shadows show up.”   
Joker didn’t move.   
“Skull’s right, Joker” Mona said. “We can’t linger. Come on lets go to the safe room.”   
Joker was silent as he led them to a safe room and back out of the palace. Before they knew it they were in the leblanc café again.   
“Akira…” Makoto said putting her hand on his shoulder. “We’re going to get Shido for this. We’re going to make him confess.”   
Akira nodded, but Ryuji could see the darkness in his eyes. As everyone left Akira started up the stairs followed by Morgana. Ryuji hesitated a moment before following him up. Akira was laying face down on his bed.   
“Akira…” Ryuji said sitting on the edge of the bed.   
“I couldn’t save him…” Akira said in his pillow. “I just let him die.”   
“We couldn’t have done anything…” Ryuji said.   
“We could have!” Akira yelled into his pillow. “If I had listened to you and switched everyone out and taken care of my fucking team I could have saved him! Damn it!” He yelled.   
“Akira…” Ryuji put his hand on Akira’s back. “You couldn’t have done anything, man… He knew what he was doing. And I think he made his choice in the end.”   
Akira shook as tears overtook him. “Is this what’s going to happen to all of us? Am I going to have to just watch everyone I care about die?”   
“No… you’re not going to have to watch anyone else die. We’re all going to make it through. Akechi chose the wrong side. He chose to do Shido’s dirty work. He should have suspected that this was what Shido had planned for him—“  
“That could have been me, Ryuji! I was filled with so much anger after what happened to me. And then I got my persona, and it could have been me. But I lucked out… I had all of you to ground me.”   
“You’re wrong,” Ryuji said, barely above a whisper. “You’re wouldn’t ever have been like him, Akira. Because you are different, your heart is different.”   
Akira rolled over quickly and before Ryuji knew it he was being pummeled by Akira shoving his arms around him and burying his head into Ryuji’s chest. He could feel his shirt wetting down with Akira’s tears.  
“I know he betrayed us… I know he murdered people… but I can’t help it…”   
“He didn’t deserve to die by Shido’s hand,” Ryuji whispered into velvety curls. “But we’re going to avenge him, Akira. We’re going to make Shido pay for all of the shit he’s done.”  
“We’re not strong enough to fight him… we’re weak right now. I don’t think we’d survive.” Akira said.   
“We still got time… we can train for a couple of days in mementos if we want.” Ryuji rubbed Akira’s back up and down in soft motioned as he slowly calmed down. When Akira separated himself from him Ryuji could see that sheer sense of determine that only Akira could possess, but behind that, a ghost was also beginning to take form. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira slammed into his bed, exhausted from their hard training in mementos, they planned to send out the very public calling card tomorrow, and he needed to be in top fighting shape. He could feel his eyelids grow heavy; he hoped that maybe tonight would be the night he could finally rest. Maybe he was too tired tonight for the dreams to overtake him… maybe he would just fall asleep and stay asleep with a dreamless night. But he could feel the familiar haze starting to tickle at his veins and the corners of his eyelids.   
Before long he was woken up by claws in his arm. His eyes opened wide and wild, all he could see was the bright white of a lamp and all he could feel was the blood pounding in his ears. Everything else felt dull, like the drug was still circulating in his system, like he couldn’t remember who he was or why he was there.   
“Akira!” he could hear the voice calling out to him. He could feel the pang of claws digging into his forearm. “Akira!”   
He could feel his vision slowly starting to clear, his eyes still blurred, but by hot tears. He could feel his chest rising and falling in fast heavy motions. Finally he saw the cat standing on his stomach, his eyes wild with fear as well.   
He clenched his teeth together and hid his face beneath an arm. He tried to focus on controlling his breathing.   
“This has gone too far, Akira…” the cat said somberly. “You shouldn’t be still having nightmares every single night.”  
“It’s just taking time… Mona…” Akira said getting up and walking to a small box of weirdly labeled drugs. He began searching around for the relax pills he had been eating like candy for weeks now. “Shit… I need to go buy some more…”   
“Maybe you should talk to Ryuji, tell him you’re still having nightmares.”  
“No!” Akira said harsher than he meant to. “Sorry… just… no, okay? Ryuji has already dealt with me enough and it almost killed him to do so. This stays between us…”   
“You’ve gotta let people in, Akira…” Morgana said quietly.   
“I do let people in… but I’ve already hurt Ryuji too much with this. It’s my burden to bear.” He threw a sleep pill into his mouth and slumped back onto the bed. The drug took effect almost immediately and he felt himself drift into a forced sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Akechi made me angry, but his backstory also made me so sad.


	14. Without You

Shido’s shadow was a vicious foe, unlike any they had faced before. He just kept coming back with more and more power every time. Ryuji looked to Akira who had just tossed them all healing beads and given them their health back. Ryuji could feel his bones ache even after the healing bead had started to take effect. Joker gave him the look. Skull had gotten so good at Joker’s side that he no longer needed commands; he knew what Joker was thinking almost immediately. He sent a fierce physical attack, draining his energy, he slumped over, but he knew Mona would heal him in a moment. Fox did the same with a severe damage attack. They both felt relieved as their health was restored, but it was not long lived as they withstood attack after attack from Shido. It continued like this. With Joker administering a heal followed up by two strong attacks from Skull and Fox, followed up by a final heal from Mona before they were all dealt major damage. Finally, they were able to take him down. Mona immediately healed them all and they took his treasure, feeling more proud of each other than they thought possible.  
They knew they didn’t have much time to make it out of Shido’s palace before it would collapse and they would go down with the ship, but they thought they’d have more time than this. They were running hard and fast. They reached the deck, but there was fire everywhere and no way out in sight.  
“What do we do, Joker?!” Fox yelled searching around frantically.  
Ryuji looked up. “There!” He yelled. “A life boat!” The life boat was far away and debris was falling all around them.  
“We can’t reach it in time!” Panther cried out, the fear in her voice more than palpable.  
Ryuji looked another moment. “I can do it.”  
Joker looked at him with his fierce grey eyes, but there was fear attached.  
Ryuji grabbed his hand. “You gotta trust me. I made a promise to you. I’m gonna keep it.”  
Joker nodded once and squeezed Ryuji’s hand before letting it go. Ryuji felt the rush of adrenaline overtake him as he ran harder than he ever has before. His lungs were burning, his legs were on fire, but he didn’t let up, He let the pain push him harder. He yelled out as he started running upward, a feat that could only be accomplished in the metaverse. He finally reached the bar and released the life boat. He hung there as he watched his teammates race towards it and pile in. They were coming for him, and he could see Akira’s face full of pride as he looked on.  
But it didn’t last, the last thing he saw before he felt the blast was Akira’s face turn from a smile to a look of utter horror. He could feel the blast hot on his back more than he could hear it. He couldn’t hear anything. He could feel the burn on his skin; he could feel the pull like his skin was being ripped off. He wondered if this was it for him. He wondered if this is what dying felt like.  
NO! He couldn’t die. He had promised Akira he wouldn’t have to see anyone else die. He sure as hell wasn’t going to break that promise. He tried to open his eyes, tried to fight the inevitable.  
“I won’t die!” He screamed into the abyss that was starting to consume. Before he could think anything else his body hit heavy against something. His ears were ringing and he couldn’t see the world around him.  
“Hey…” he heard someone say. “You okay kid?” He let his hand fall and could feel soft grass and earth beneath him. He opened his eyes and looked around. An older man was leaning over him. He sat up and looked closer at his surroundings. He wasn’t dead…. This was the real world. “Kid?” the man asked again.  
“Yeah… yeah sorry…” Ryuji scrambled to his feet before clenching at his side. “Damn…” he looked around. He couldn’t see his team anywhere, where were they?  
He began walking towards the street, there were people bustling about, no one knew the craziness that had just transpired right under their noses. He turned the corner and finally saw his team. His heart raced as he saw they were all there and safe. They were huddled around each other, all shaking. He ran up.  
“Hey!” he called. They didn’t seem to hear him. “Hey!” He yelled a little louder.  
Finally Yusuke looked up, his eyes red and puffy. He slowly got a huge smile on his face and seemed to nudge Akira, whose head was hanging low. It looked like he was being held up by the others, had he been hurt badly? He slowly pulled his head up as well; the rest did too and looked towards Ryuji. Their eyes were all red and they were all wet with tears.  
Akira seemed to take a moment before his eyes got wide and he shrugged himself away from everyone else. He was running, fast to Ryuji. He threw himself into him, making Ryuji crumble at the weight. “You son of a bitch…” Akira said muffled in his hair. The others were tackling around him as well, all wet and snotty with tears.  
“You fucking asshole…” Akira said again grabbing Ryuji’s face and shoving their lips together.  
“What did I do?” Ryuji asked as everyone touched him and pulled on him.  
“We thought you were dead…” Yusuke finally said. “We saw the ship blow up and you weren’t there anymore.”  
“Yeah…” Ryuji started. “I kind of thought I was dead too, but then it spit me out. So… It’s all good?” he shrugged his shoulders, making everyone laugh.  
They made their way back to leblanc, Ryuji being supported by Akira and Yusuke. They all stayed in the attic way too long until finally people started to disperse. Ryuji tried to move, but Akira wouldn’t budge. Finally the rest left leaving the two of them together.  
Ryuji looked to Akira, whose eyes were threatening to overflow with tears just at the base of his lids.  
“Ak---“ Ryuji tried to start.  
“You can’t do that to me… ever again.” Akira said, his voice firm, but shaky still.  
“I ain’t goin’ anywhere…” Ryuji said pushing their foreheads together.  
“I’m serious…” Akira’s voice was dark and full of fear. “I won’t do this without you.”  
“You won’t have to, Akira… I’m with you… till the end. Past the end. Always.”  
Akira shoved his lips against Ryuji’s holding them there. He moved himself to sitting on top of Ryuji, sliding his fingers through his hair as they heard the familiar sound of cat feet landing on the floor and walking towards the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I said I was done uploading today, but I just have to do one more small chapter. I can't help myself okay???


	15. Everything Went Black

The days following Shido’s palace crumbing were tense to say the least. Everyone felt on edge. They tried to spend the days in Mementos taking down more targets and doing more exploring, but there was a weight that sat on all of them even through battle. They rode the monabus in silence, Akira’s hand always pressed firmly into Ryuji’s. They were relatively sure that they had changed his heart, but after they escaped he had been taken to a private hospital, so there was no way to really know for sure. It felt so different this time, maybe because there was more at stake, maybe because they all felt a personal vendetta for what had happened to Akira, their leader, but it felt different this time.  
The votes went through, and Shido was the new elected prime minister. He held a press conference the day he was elected. He admitted all of his horrible crimes in front of the public and they finally felt like this was it. He said he didn’t deserve to be their prime minister and they thought they had finally won.  
But nothing happened. No one seemed to care about the horrible crimes that he committed, no one seemed to care about the fact the he was the reason for the mental shut downs or that he was the reason people kept dying. No one did anything. They still wanted him to be their prime minister. Ryuji had never felt this type of disappointment, even after the track team was disbanded. Even after his dad left them in a drunken rage. Even after all of the shit he’s had to deal with, he’s never felt a disappointment like this.  
They all sat in The Lablanc café, letting the weight of this news overtake them. They could all feel the pressure of having to wait for the press conference pile down on them harder. Ryuji looked to Akira who had his eyes glued to the TV, he was shaking, Ryuji ran a hand down his arm.  
“Damn it…” he said quietly. “God damn it…”  
“What did we do wrong?” Haru asked, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.  
“Nothing…” Morgana jumped onto the table. “We did everything right. We defeated Shido’s shadow, we stole his treasure. He had a change of heart… we just saw it…”  
“He did have a change of heart…” Akira said quietly. His eyes were darting and churning how they did in typical Joker fashion when his mind was at work. “He had a change of heart… he just confessed on national television. It’s… it’s not him.”  
Morgana perked up. “It’s the public.”  
“What?” Yusuke perked up now too, Makoto was leaned in, it seemed everyone was starting to understand.  
“The general public doesn’t care. They want to believe in him… so they don’t care that he did all of those things…” Morgana continued.  
“So… the public is to blame?” Ryuji asked still not quite picking up on what was happening.  
“I get it…” Makoto said. “The general public is distorted now.”  
“We have to change everyone’s hearts.” Akira said standing up. He began pacing and they could see the wheels turning as he started working out a plan.  
“Okay, I still don’t really get what’s goin’ on here…” Ryuji said.  
“Don’t you see?” Futaba said. “The public has become so distorted that they no longer see things clearly. Their hearts are distorted.”  
“Okay… fine that makes sense… but dude, we can’t just go around trying to find every single palace the public has to offer, Japan will be sunk by then.”  
“We won’t have to.” Morgana said.  
Akira stopped in his tracks and looked over to the cat. “Mementos…”  
“The public’s palace…” Morgana had a smirk on his face. “If we reach the depths of mementos we should be able to find the heart of the public’s distortion…”  
“The depths of mementos is like… the depths of the metaverse, right?” Ann asked.  
“Yes. And if we destroy it, the public should be free of this distortion.” Makoto said.  
“There’s something else though…” Morgana started. “If we destroy whatever is at the depths of mementos… you will all probably lose your powers. It is the center of all distortion…”  
“If it’s destroyed there wouldn’t be any more palaces…” Akira said. “No need for persona users.”  
“We’d lose our powers?” Ryuji asked. He thought about all that being a persona user had done for him.  
“It’s a sacrifice we have to make. If not… things are just going to get worse.” Akira put his hand on Ryuji’s shoulder. “This is it… this is the reason we became the Phantom Thieves in the first place.”  
“One last go…” Futaba said.  
“It will have to be done quick, and all at once.” Morgana said. “And soon.”  
“Tomorrow. We’ll do it tomorrow.”  
Ryuji was scared; he didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want to bring the rest of the team down, but he was terrified. Not of dying, but of losing his powers. Being Skull had given his life meaning again. As everyone else began to leave Akira held on to Ryuji a moment longer.  
“Come walk with me,” he whispered.  
“You should be going to sleep…” Morgana complained. “You have a big day tomorrow.”  
“Mona… just give me a minute.” Akira pulled on Ryuji’s hand and they walked quietly in the backstreets of Yongen-Jaya together. “What are you thinking?” Akira finally asked.  
“Nothin…” Ryuji lied. “I’m just anxious for tomorrow I guess.”  
“Yuj…” Akira whispered to him pulling him close. He put their foreheads together.  
Ryuji hesitated; he didn’t want to say what he was feeling. He didn’t want to be selfish. “I…” he sighed and slumped his head down. Akira lips kissed his hair. “I’m scared. Skull… he’s the best… me that I’ve ever been.”  
“I know… I don’t want to give up Joker. I finally feel like my life has meant something… like I was here for a purpose. But we can’t ignore this.”  
“Yeah…” Ryuji said.  
“You’re with me, right?” Akira said.  
“Always.” Ryuji whispered. 

The next day they all waited at the café, feeling the weight of their new responsibility. Sae Nijima walked in, she smiled at them. “So… today’s the day.”  
Akira nodded.  
“I know it’s asking a lot of you guys… You’ll lose your powers, but after this you can trust in the adults to do their job. I promise.”  
Akira smiled and nodded. “We won’t let you down, Nijima-san.” He pulled out his phone. “Let’s go.” Before they knew it they were in Mementos for the last time.  
Ryuji tugged at his ascot nervously. “We should go to the end.” Akira said as Mona transformed into a bus. They all piled in for what was probably the last time. Akira grabbed Ryuji’s hand in his. Ryuji felt something over take him and he grabbed Yusuke’s hand who sat next to him. Yusuke squeezed hard before grabbing Futaba’s hand, and it continued like this until they were all touching each other. They all had these scared but determined smiles on their faces. Like they weren’t about to fight the public’s entire cognition, like they weren’t about to lose the powers that had brought them all together. He could see tears threatening to fall down Panther’s face as she smiled squeezing Makoto’s free hand and Akira’s other hand.  
He could feel his throat threaten to tighten but he swallowed it down. They were all silent as they reached the entrance to the depths of mementos.  
“This is it,” Mona said. “No turning back after we go through.”  
Akira nodded and looked to his team. “Let’s do this.” 

Fighting their way down the depths was getting more and more difficult and confusing the further down into the depths they reached. They found Kamoshida, and Madarame and all of their old foes trapped in cells, but they said that they wanted to be there. Ryuji was seething after they fought of some more guards. Akira pushed them forward, finally finding them a safe room.  
“What the eff?” Ryuji said slumping into a chair. “I thought we defeated them…”  
“We did, but it seems we just sent them back here…” Mona shifted uncomfortably. He was slowly remembering his own past, which also didn’t make any sense.  
“What the hell was the point then?” Ryuji kicked at the dark ground.  
“We still saved people, Ryuji…” Ann said quietly.  
“Yes, we can’t be discouraged by this. There is much that doesn’t make sense, but we must continue on. We’re doing the right thing… we are, right?” Makoto looked to their leader, who was silent. He sat leaned back in the chair, staring down at the table.  
Finally he looked up at them. “We have to believe that we are.” He stood up and looked around the table. Ryuji could feel his heart drop to his stomach. He realized suddenly that this may be the last time he gets to see Akira like this. In his Joker persona, in full control with that look on his face like the could take down anything. “I believe it… are you with me?”  
Ryuji stood up. “You know we are Joker…”  
They all rallied and continued on, feeling a newfound determination. They continued on, pushing further and forcing themselves through huge powerful shadow guards. They finally reached a huge goblet surrounding by cells filled to the brim with people. The goblet had large veins protruding from it seemed to be pulsing red. It spoke to them, saying it was the God of this world. They tried fighting it, they fought hard, but to no avail, every time they did any sort of damage to it, the humans in the cells around the goblet would give their own lives to protect him.  
Before they knew it they were being catapulted upward, and suddenly they were in the real world again. They were still wearing their phantom thieves’ outfits and the metaverse and the real world seemed to be molding into one. There was light blood raining down from the sky and a large creature began to emerge.  
“What the hell is goin’ on here?” Skull looked around, no one seemed to notice any of the crazy shit going on around them.  
Just then a woman screamed and dropped to the ground. Before their eyes she started to evaporate until she was nothing.  
“Holy shit!” Ryuji yelled running to where the woman had been. He looked to Joker who had a calm sort of storm about him.  
Then they heard it. A familiar scream. It was Ann. She was doubled over. “Joker!” she yelled. The group started running towards her, but before they could reach her she had evaporated. Next Haru and Makoto both crumpled to the ground.  
“No!” Joker yelled trying to grab out for them, but they too were gone. Yusuke had moved to Futaba and clung to her.  
She began crying as her hands disappeared around her. Yusuke tried holding her tighter, but he too began to evaporate from the legs. He cried out in pain. Ryuji ran towards them, but tripped to the ground. He felt his bum leg begin to burn with a pain he had never felt before. Joker stopped running and looked back at him. Ryuji could tell by the look in Akira’s steely grey eyes that he was disappearing. Joker raced fast to him as Ryuji tried crawling closer.  
“Yuj!” Akira screamed out, he leapt forward, grabbing onto Ryuji’s hand. “Don’t leave me… please!!”  
“Akira…” Ryuji could barely speak through the pain traveling beyond his legs and up his torso. He wouldn’t look down; he didn’t want to feel fear. He knew he was dying. “Akira… I’m sorry.”  
“No... No… Yuj… please…”  
The pain was unimaginable; he fought the urge to scream out as he groaned into the pain. He looked into those steely grey eyes one more time, he knew the end was coming. He grabbed Akira’s hand tighter. “I love-----“ Everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ow... my heart. Honestly there is no way to not make this dark and super effed up as it was dark and super effed up in the game too.


	16. Are you just going to give up?

Ryuji wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead. He remembered the pain of feeling like his flesh was burning to ash, but when he opened his eyes he was in a velvet blue prison cell, back in his normal clothes. Was this the afterlife? He felt so hopeless. They had lost. The world was going to end now… Everyone up there would die or be stuck in that freakish hell. He pulled a knee to his chest and leaned his head on the soft velvet wall. Maybe they deserved this, maybe they should have just left the world as is… He could see Akira’s eyes terrified of losing him in those moments as his body disappeared around him. He had broken his promise. Akira had to watch his friends die around him.   
He almost thought he could hear the sound of heeled boots running somewhere in the distant void. He listened as the heeled boots seemed to run around. They sounded like the familiar boots running through palaces and traversing metaverses, leaping up onto shadows and tearing their masks off. He clenched his jaw. “Damn it…” he whispered to himself. He didn’t know if Akira was still alive. He didn’t know if he was still alive, and those damn boots were getting louder and louder. He closed his eyes, maybe if he just kept his eyes closed this would all be over and he could just drift away. The heeled boots got louder and louder until he thought they had to be right next to him. And then they stopped. There was a familiarity to the swish of fabric; it sounded like it was right outside his cell. He opened his eyes slowly and looked to the cell door. It was Joker… he was there. He was alive. Ryuji knew that he should feel more relief, but he was so tired.  
“Hey man…” he managed to get out. “Glad you’re here… are you… really here?”   
“I’m really here, Yuj…” Akira said softly.   
Ryuji was almost startled to hear his voice. He slumped back against the velvet wall again. “Heh… that’s good I guess…” he wiped at his nose. “I can’t help but thinking how we failed all those people… and for the first time, I’m actually wondering if we were right… Maybe we should have just kept to ourselves…”   
“But what about Shiho? And Yusuke? And Futaba? And Haru? If we had just kept ourselves out of the metaverse, we never would have been able to save them.” Akira said. His voice was soft, and warm. Just the way Ryuji loved.   
“Yeah… I guess… but now I’m so tired…” Ryuji closed his eyes again. He knew that he was meant to rally, but he just couldn’t.   
“Are you just going to give up?” Joker asked him. He flashed back to that first time, with Joker yelling to him telling him not to give up, the day he awoken to his persona. He thought back to the bond he had made with his friends, with Akira.   
He felt hot tears slide down his cheeks. But he stood up then, he wiped his face on his sleeve. “You’re right man… I’ll never give up when there are people that need us. And I will never give up when you are here.” He felt the fire in his heart, the beat of Saitan Taisae, and when he looked down again, he was Skull.   
Joker smiled as the door to the cell disappeared and there was no longer anything separating them. “Are you with me?” he asked reaching out for Ryuji’s elbow like they had done so many times.   
Ryuji smiled and sunk into the hug he was being pulled into by the black haired boy that he’d follow anywhere. He put their foreheads together. “I’m with you… till the end. I’m with you, Akira… always.”   
Akira held him close before putting their lips together finally. Ryuji could feel their hearts beat together like they were meant to be here forever. “I love you man…” Ryuji whispered. “So effin’ much.”   
“Me too, Yuj… so effin’ much.” Akira pulled away just enough to put his hands on either side of Ryuji’s face. “Everyone else is waiting… come on.” He grabbed Ryuji’s hand in his and pulled him down a long dark corridor.   
They entered a large front room where his friends were all waiting. They all melded together in a deep hug, it wasn’t a sad hug. It wasn’t a scared hug. It felt good and warm and thankful.   
They had new-found determination. Mona was there and he was the last hope for humanity. They raced up a long flight of stairs, the breath in Ryuji’s lungs feeling cold and bright. His breath caught then as they opened the door to the metaverse. The sight was terrifying and awful, they all inhaled quickly at the shock. There were large bones protruding from ground, and there was a large terrifying… something high in the sky, blood still raining down from the sky.   
“This is it guys…” Joker said to his team, that fearless wild card look back on his face.   
“Hell yeah!” Ryuji yelled raising his hand in the air. They began to run up the bones, defeating huge shadows as they went. They were exhausted on more than one occasion. Ann held her ribs tightly trying to catch her breath after a particularly difficult fight with a particularly phallic shadow.   
“Panther… switch out… Queen…” he nodded to the girls who reorganized the formation.   
They continued running up, and before the end Mona had to be switched out. Skull, Fox, and Queen stood by Joker as they reached the top.   
“This is it…” Joker whispered.  
“We’re with you, Joker.” Queen put her hand on his shoulder and smiled. They all did the same before Joker stepped ahead of them, walking towards the God that they were about to engage with.   
“We may not live through this…” Joker said quietly to them.   
“Maybe not… but we’ll fight like hell anyways.” Skull smiled at Joker.   
They fought hard, and they were slowly doing damage, but the God’s hits were hard and being knocked down was the least of their worries. Fox kept having to be revived because his hits were hard and fierce, which took a lot, and then he was always targeted by a direct attack afterwards.   
They were all on the ground… Ryuji tried to pull himself, but he could feel his arms give out below him as he felt back to the squishy ground. He tried to reach for Joker’s hand that was outstretched to him, just out of reach.   
“Don’t give up!” they heard yelling down below.   
“What is that?” Ryuji asked.   
“Defeat him!” they heard another yell.   
“Save us, Phantom Thieves!”   
“It’s the people… they remember us.” Yusuke said pulling himself up. They slowly climbed to their feet again, and then Arsene appeared before Joker. Their eyes were wide as he emerged and then changed to this huge being of equal side to the God they were fighting down.   
Joker looked at Arsene with affection, and then his eyes became fierce and terrifying, like the first time he had awoken to his persona. “Go down…” he said to the god watching things unfold.   
Ryuji felt new determination as he jumped to him feet. He could almost still feel Joker’s heart beat in unison with his. They watched the God fall, and they watched their world go back to normal. As everything disappeared they also watched their Phantom Thieves clothing dissipate, and worst of all, they watched their friend, the heart of the Phantom Thieves smile and disappear. Akira reached out to touch the weird cat paw that was turning to light before their eyes. He bit at his lip as tears slid down his cheeks, catching at his chin.   
“Damn it…” he whispered into Ryuji’s arm that had wrapped around him. Ryuji bit back his own tears. That damn cat had always gotten on his last nerve, but this isn’t what he wanted. He also had to bite back tears as he felt the electricity at his fingertips dissipate as well. It was over. They had saved the world. And now they were just normal teens again.   
“What now?” he finally asked.   
“We have to trust the adults to turn this country around now, that’s what sis promised after all.” Makoto said tearily wiping at her eyes.  
“You’re right… it’s up to them now.” Akira held tightly to Ryuji.  
Ryuji held on too, never wanting to leave that moment, until his phone rang. It was his mom. It was Christmas Eve after all, of course she was wondering where he was. They all began to disperse. Akira said he needed a minute, so Ryuji walked away. He was almost to the train station when a thought donned on him. He texted quickly.   
Ryuji: Come spend Christmas with me… please.  
He waited for a long moment, wondering if he had been too forward, they had just taken down a god together, but Christmas with him and his mom may still be awkward. But soon enough Akira texted back: I’d love to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels!!!


	17. So Effin' Much

They rode the train together; Akira had an arm wrapped in Ryuji’s jacket. Ryuji had gotten used to the small touches, so he didn’t mind much. Also there was something sad in Akira’s eyes, Ryuji figured it had to do with losing Mona, and Ryuji was determined to give Akira everything he needed. He ran fingers down Akira’s arms, not caring at the looks they were probably getting. They walked hand in hand to his home. Ryuji gave Akira a look of concern, which was met with an understanding smile as he relinquished Ryuji’s hand.  
His mom was surprised at having Akira there as a guest for Christmas Eve dinner, but was happy to lay out another place for him. They spent the evening playing games and laughing together, Akira as charming as ever, while there was still an underlying sadness Ryuji could see under his almost perfect facade. As the evening rolled closer to the night Akira let out a yawn.  
“I should be going soon…” he said somberly. He looked to Ryuji, and that was the first moment Ryuji could see that there was something he wasn’t saying. “Do you… wanna come over… I uh… I have a present for you.”  
“Hell yeah, man… I mean… if that’s okay mom?” Ryuji asked.  
He looked to his mom who was now eyeing the two of them with a curious look on her face. “Of course that’s fine...” she stood up and handed Akira a Tupperware full of leftovers with a smile. Ryuji saw in a blink an almost pained face before it changed to an appreciative smile.  
Ryuji darted quickly to his room, emerging again with a present he had fawned over and wrapped that had been hidden for weeks from Akira. He felt his face get hot at the way Akira’s eyes lit up.  
“Okay mom… I’ll see ya later.” His mom wrapped him in a hug.  
“You’re being safe… right?” she asked.  
He was confused for a second before he felt a blush that could have possibly covered his entire body. “Mom…” he whispered back, almost shaking.  
“I just want to know that you two are being safe… you are, right?” she said again.  
“Yes mom… oh my god…” He pulled off trying to shake the blush out of him.  
He looked over at Akira who was clearly trying to keep his composure, but a vein was pulsing in his neck that threatened to burst. As soon as they got out of earshot from apartment he let out a loud burst of laughter. “Well… your mom is clearly more keen than you give her credit for.” He said with tears filling his eyes.  
“Shuddap…” Ryuji said shoving him lightly. They rode the train to Yongen-Jaya all the while Akira trying to guess his Christmas gift.  
They chatted with Futaba and Sojiro for a while before climbing up the stairs to Akira’s attic. Once they reached the top of the stairs Akira turned and wrapped himself in Ryuji. Ryuji could feel the pressure of whatever Akira was holding in just pressing on the surface of his skin.  
“What is it?” Ryuji whispered into Akira’s hair, not letting him go. “What’s wrong?”  
Akira sniffled nuzzled further into Ryuji’s neck. He finally composed himself and pulled away giving Ryuji his best attempt at a smile. “It’s just… today was… trying. And I feel a little bit…” he struggled for words.  
“Empty?” Ryuji offered.  
Akira thought for a second and nodded. “Yeah…”  
Ryuji pulled him back in for another deep hug and Akira nuzzled back into Ryuji’s neck. “I love you, Yuj…” Akira whispered.  
“Me too man…” Ryuji nudged him up and smiled, he handed him the wrapped box. Akira smiled and walked to his shelf with a box for Ryuji as well.  
“You first…” Akira said as they sat down on his bed.  
Ryuji nodded and ripped open the paper, revealing a pink shirt that read in English ‘For real!” Ryuji got a huge grin on his face. “Dude! For real?? Where did you get this?”  
“I had it made; I thought it would be a good addition to your awful graphic tee collection.” Akira chuckled as Ryuji shoved him.  
“Man… I love it.” He held it up to him. “Pink?” he asked.  
“I wanted to see you in pink.” Akira blushed and leaned to Ryuji.  
Ryuji met him with the kiss Akira was clearly waiting for. Akira melted into it, like he was trying to memorize it.  
“Man… my gift is so stupid compared to this. I bought it cuz I thought it’d be funny.” He handed Akira the small wrapped present. Akira unwrapped to reveal one of those cheesy Phantom Thieves mugs that had been selling like crazy at the peak of their popularity with their logo on it. He expected Akira to burst out laughing, but instead he was still. Ryuji was worried that he hated it, and when he finally looked to Ryuji he had tears spilling out of his eyes. “Dude… hey…” Akira shoved his head into Ryuji’s arm as he continued crying. “I can take it back…”  
“No…” Akira sniffled and removed himself from Ryuji’s shirt that was wet with tears. “No… I love it…” He stood up and put it on his shelf of memorabilia. Ryuji got up and put his arms around Akira’s shoulders wrapping him into a hug. Akira leaned his head back on Ryuji’s shoulder and they stood there for a moment.  
Finally Akira turned to face him and pressed into him as close as he could. Ryuji smirked at the forwardness but let himself be shoved onto the bed. Akira climbed into his lap immediately while sliding Ryuji’s shirt above his head. Ryuji would never have thought in his wildest dreams that another boy sitting on top of him grinding down into him while spreading kisses down his neck would drive him wild, but there he was, panting and sweaty with his head buried in Akira’s neck as Akira pushed himself further onto Ryuji groaning at the sensation. They slept naked wrapped in each other’s arms and Ryuji was sure nothing could touch them.  
Until he woke up the next day alone in the attic. He reached out to snuggle into Akira’s hair and opened his eyes when he felt nothing. He sat up; there was no Akira anywhere to be seen. “Akira?” he called out. He checked his phone; it read 8:05 on Christmas day. He sat up and pulled on his boxers that had been discarded the night before. “Hey, Akira?” he called again. It was still silent. He pulled his jeans on and the shirt that Akira had gotten him, he was about to head downstairs where he expected to see Akira engaged in a lively conversation with Futaba when he saw a small folded white piece of paper on Akira’s desk with Ryuji name on it in Akira’s handwriting.  
He opened up the letter and slumped to the floor. 

Ryuji,  
I’m sorry to do this to you and I’m sorry I’m writing you a letter instead of telling you in person. But I know you’ll just try to talk me out of it, and I can’t let that happen. This is for everyone, for the rest of our friends, and for you. I have turned myself in so that Sae can try Shido fairly. It’s difficult to explain, but she has promised to give you all a real explanation. You deserve so much more than this stupid letter, but this is all I can do. I love you so much, Yuj. You’re my favorite person and I can’t believe that I get to call you mine. Please forgive me for this… I know it may take some time, but know that you are my best friend and my right hand man forever. Until the end… past the end… always. I love you so effin’ much.  
Akira Kurusu

Ryuji rubbed his hand angrily over his already wet eyes. “God damn it, Akira…” he said under his breath. He got up and ran down the stairs, almost hoping this was just an elaborate prank, but he saw Sojiro with a note similar to Ryuji’s. He looked over at Ryuji, who still had angry tears on his face.  
“Hey kid… you got a letter too?” Sojiro folded his own letter into a pocket. “Sit down… I’ll make some breakfast.”  
“Where’s Futaba?” Ryuji asked, his voice hoarser than he was expecting.  
“She’s still asleep… I don’t want to wake her for this… We’ll tell her when she comes in. As if on cue the bell jangled on the door as Futaba came marching into the store.  
“Eww… Ryuji did you sleep here? Were you guys doing dirty stuff in the attic?” She stopped and looked at Ryuji who was shaking as more tears fell down his face. “What’s going on in here? It’s like a wake….”  
“Futaba…” Sojiro started.  
“I can tell her boss.” Ryuji said. “Akira’s gone.” The words sounded foreign. “He turned himself into the police to save the rest of us from getting into trouble and so Nijima-san could try Shido for all his crimes and shit…”  
Futaba’s eyes got wide before she slumped to the ground. “Why would he do that?!” she yelled. “Why would he do this without telling any of us?” she had tears pouring out of her eyes.  
“He knew we would try to stop him.” Ryuji leaned against the wall. “That son of a bitch… the wars over but he’s still actin’ like a goddamn hero.”  
Futaba stood up and walked towards the door. “Where you goin’?” Ryuji asked.  
“I’m not just going to take this lying down. There has to be something we can do. Are you with me?” Futaba asked, probably knowing it would pull at Ryuji even more.  
Ryuji smiled and looked down. “Hell yeah…” he slumped up and followed Futaba out, sending a text to the group asking everyone to meet them at leblanc in an hour.  
By the time everyone else showed up Futaba and Ryuji, well mostly Futaba had already hacked into the police station and juvenile hall to get his record and what he was being held for and had started forming the skeleton of a plan to get him out.  
Everyone was teary for a while when they found out, before they all started to work together. Nijima-san showed up later in the day and boss made everyone coffee and curry. They continued to meet every single day to formulate a plan to get him out of there. They may not have the powers of the Phantom Thieves anymore, but that wasn’t going to stop them from changing the world.  
School felt empty without Akira, he and Ryuji had never been in class together, but they had spent every lunch together and would hang out in the hallway after school together. Mishima was quick to join the cause as was Ms. Kawakami. Their efforts felt like they would all be in vain for a long time, before Sae finally walked in a week before Valentines day. They were all slumped over their schoolwork, Makoto requiring that they keep up on their studies regardless.  
“I think I figured it out.” She said.  
They all dropped their work and practically leapt at her. “What?” “How?” they tried asking all at once.  
“Well, Shido has confessed to everything, his trial is finishing. And the teacher from your school’s letter and a letter from the student council president at his exemplary performance are really coming through now.  
Ryuji smiled and clapped Makoto gently on the shoulder as she hid her face in her hands.  
“The court-case I’ve been working on to overturn this sentencing and his original one from Shido were just approved now that Shido has been officially tried and convicted. So… all that’s left is to win this case and then he’s free.”  
“Do you think you’ll win?” Yusuke asked.  
“Yes, at this point, honestly the case is just a formality.” Sae smiled at them as they all hugged each other fiercely. “I’m going to Juvie now to tell him all of this. His hearing will be in the next couple of days. I’m going to assume you will all want to be there.  
“Hell yeah!” Ryuji yelled.  
And a few days later they all piled into a courtroom waiting with baited breath as the old judge came and sat him down. They called in the defense and Nijima-san sat down as they walked Akira out of a room and into the courtroom. They watched Akira look up into the courtroom and his eyes lit up at all of his friends waving frantically at him.  
The hearing was quick and they had made the motion that Akira’s entire criminal record would be absolved and that he would be released pending the courts final conclusion on February 13th. Ryuji couldn’t help but let out a whoop as the court turned over the record that had ruined Akira’s life. Akira smiled up at him with a grin so big and a blush already present as Makoto elbowed Ryuji in the stomach. The judge mumbled a few other things before banging his gavel and leaving. The policeman began to escort Akira out, they weren’t allowed to touch him, but Futaba initiated a crowd-wave as he passed, which even Makoto took part in. Ryuji watched as the black haired boy was escorted out, all grins. He looked back at them once more and Ryuji almost thought he could see the twinkling of tears threatening to fall down as Akira smiled and shook his head at his more than embarrassing friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are pretty much to the end of the game plot-line and we're going to start into the story line I created, which I hope you really love. :)


	18. I Missed This

Ryuji only had a few more sleepless nights before they were all in Leblanc again waiting for Sojiro to escort Akira back home. The bell clanged and they all jolted up, and there he was. He looked tired, his hair looked less velvety, and he looked exponentially thinner, which was saying something, but there he was. With that smug shit-eating grin on his face. Ryuji practically tackled him to the ground, Akira nuzzling immediately into Ryuji’s neck, right where he should be. It was so good. Akira in his arms again, even though he was bony as hell. Ryuji had been waiting for this for two months.  
Everyone else surrounded them in a hug, Makoto already trying to sniffle tears back as they all smiled and laughed and hugged together as tight as they possibly could. Sojiro and Sae watched on with affectionate and amused grins.  
“The gang is all back together.” Ryuji finally said nudging Akira with his forehead.  
“Well… not the whole gang…” Futaba sounded sad and the mood dropped more than an octave.  
“Yes, Mona-chan was really the heart of this team, without him it just seems…” Haru shrugged her shoulders. “Bleak…”  
“Yeah, I miss that little furry bastard.” Ryuji finally said.  
Just then the bell clanged and a familiar voice rang out. “Did somebody call my name?” It was Mona… in the furry flesh. They all tackled him in a hug as well Akira grabbing him tighter than everyone else and burying his face into his fur. There were some tears and some laughs before they all climbed upstairs and brought out arrangements of cakes and other snacks. Futaba and Ryuji had badly decorated the entire attic with balloons and streamers.  
The party was only made better by the fact that Mona was back. He had said that he turned into a cat immediately, but he didn’t want to come back right away after his goodbye speech. Everyone took turns snuggling Mona and Akira.  
Finally the crew started dispersing, all except Ryuji of course, who refused to remove himself from Akira’s side the entire night. Akira sat down on the bed and smiled at Ryuji who stood by the work desk. “I missed you.” Akira said quietly, looking up through his lashes and curls.  
He looked worse for wear, his cheeks were gaunt, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his clothes hit him at awkward angles with the lack of fat or muscle on his body. But he was beautiful. Ryuji fell into him and ran a hand through his perfect curls. “I missed you so effin’ much.” He kissed Akira’s dry and cracked lips. He kissed down Akira’s neck. Akira inhaled sharply and wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s neck, holding him close.  
“I missed this… so much…” Akira said, his voice catching just a little. Ryuji stopped kissing Akira’s neck and looked up at him. Akira bit an already cracked lip. “I just missed being touched by… anyone.”  
Ryuji nodded. He got it, more than most people. When he was on the track team his teammates would always clap him on the shoulders and nudge him and high five him and put arms around him. Once he was kicked off the track team he didn’t realize he had been so touch starved until he met Akira and became a phantom thief and someone would nudge him again and throw an arm around him. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed it until he had it back again, and it was almost euphoric.  
“You can have all ya want.” Ryuji whispered into his curls, running his fingers down Akira’s spine.  
He could feel Akira’s breath hitch again and before he knew it there were wet hot tears in his neck. He grabbed onto Akira tighter, practically smothering him. Akira ran his fingers through Ryuji’s hair. “Ryuji…” he whispered his voice hoarse after the tears. “I really want to… but I’m so tired…”  
“I’m happy just being next to you again Akira… We don’t gotta do anything but sleep.” He jumped off the bed and slid out of his pants and shirt as Akira got up as well. He pulled his own shirt off followed by his pants and Ryuji tried to not focus on his collarbones jutting out or his rib cage visible across tight skin, or his hip bones jutting out. He was so skinny. “Hell Akira… did they even feed you?”  
Akira blushed and covered his rib cage with his arms. “Does it look bad?”  
“Dude… you never look bad.” He wrapped his arms around Akira’s bony skeleton and pulled him in, their chests touching. Ryuji had to focus on anything else other than their bodies touching to prevent a full on boner from happening.  
“Geez…” Morgana said. “I missed you guys… but I don’t miss being surrounded by two horny teen boys.”  
Akira started laughing so hard tears streamed down his face. “Did you almost not come back, Mona?”  
“Of course not, but I don’t miss the whole having to leave so you guys can be horny together.” Morgana plopped himself on the bed. “Can we please sleep now? I’ve been a street cat for two months.”  
Ryuji and Akira smiled at each other and snuggled into bed, Akira fitting right into Ryuji despite the small height difference. And Morgana curled right on top of Akira, who seemed to take it all in. He was worn to the bone, this much was obvious to Ryuji. Akira was exhausted. He fell asleep in the middle of Ryuji telling him what he had missed in the last couple of months, his deep heavy breaths almost seemed to rattle him. Ryuji smiled and nuzzled in closer.  
“I love you…” he whispered into Akira’s hair.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira slept well for the first time in three months, for the first time since the interrogation. Maybe it was because he was so exhausted, maybe it was because everything was finally over, or maybe it was because he could feel Ryuji breathing next to him, but he prayed to anyone who would listen that it would last. He woke up before Ryuji the next morning and had the immense pleasure of looking at Ryuji without him blushing and shying away. Ryuji was more beautiful than he gave himself credit for. His bleached blonde hair had started to get a faint line of dark black grow out, he had probably felt too busy trying to get Akira out of juvie to maintain his hair care. Ryuji always teased Akira because he was sort of a snob about his hair, but his thick waves were extremely difficult to manage any other way, but Ryuji was a big diva about his hair care too. His hair was always soft even though he bleached it frequently. His skin was soft and warm, freckles kissed his nose and cheeks. And his muscles… Akira could not get over how perfectly they formed him, how smooth his muscles were gliding down his body. Akira loved feeling Ryuji’s strong arms wrapped around him, he loved the feeling of Ryuji’s rough calloused hands on his hips moving him faster and pulling himself deeper in. Akira loved the feeling of Ryuji’s hot lips on his cheeks and his neck. Ryuji’s body was scarred and messy. Some of the scars he had told him about, others he had kept to himself. Akira knew why, and he didn’t push. He didn’t need to know all the messiness of Ryuji’s past if he didn’t want to share them.  
Akira let his fingers brush across a particularly nasty scar that splayed across Ryuji’s collarbone, the one Ryuji’s drunk dad graced him with before exiting his life for good. Ryuji flinched away at the touch and blinked his eyes open. Akira could barely contain himself. He was so lucky. He grabbed Ryuji’s face in his hands and kissed him, his lips warm and soft. Ryuji blinked a few more times before stretching out in Akira’s small bed and pulling Akira into him.  
“Mornin;” Ryuji said in his gruff morning voice. “You been up long?”  
Akira shook his head and nuzzled into Ryuji. Ryuji wrapped his arms around Akira pulling him in closer. “Damn I’ve missed this.”  
Akira could feel his heart race as he nestled himself even closer to Ryuji; he slid his hand up and down Ryuji’s chest. He felt Ryuji’s breathe hitch and shake underneath his hands. Akira could feel that familiar bubbling in stomach. He threw his leg over top of Ryuji and slid himself lazily on top him. Ryuji smiled up at him as cat feet hit the floor and pitter-pattered to the steps and down the stairs.  
“How bout this…” Akira looked down at Ryuji with lidded eyes. “Did you miss this too?”  
“What the hell do you think, man?” Ryuji said pulling at Akira’s back. Akira resisted, even with two months of solitary confinement he hadn’t lost that much strength. He smiled down at Ryuji, who tried contorting his face into a mock sad face.  
Akira leaned down, kissing Ryuji’s chest and down his deliciously defined abs. “Did you miss this?” Akira whispered.  
“Mmhmm…” Ryuji ran fingers through Akira’s hair. Akira forced down a shiver, not quite ready to give Ryuji the satisfaction.  
Both Akira and Ryuji knew what was coming next. Ryuji had started jokingly referring to it as the Akira Specialty, which always made Akira cringe even in private. Akira slid a finger underneath Ryuji’s boxers slowly and pulled them down just a little.  
Ryuji pulled down a little harder on Akira’s hair and he couldn’t help but let out a groan. Christ he had missed this so much. He missed hearing Ryuji moan, he missed Ryuji’s hands in his hair, pushing him further down. He missed the way Ryuji would blush while watching Akira go down on him. He missed all of it.  
He continued on until Ryuji was begging for release. Akira jumped up, tearing off his boxers as Ryuji ripped open a condom. Akira moved himself up before sliding down onto Ryuji. He groaned into the heat and that sweet pain mixed with pleasure that Akira had been waiting for. Ryuji let out a low groan, his hands immediately grabbing at Akira’s hips, and got that dumb grin on his face that Akira loved.  
Akira leaned down on him holding him down with one arm and running his hands through Ryuji’s hair with the other. Akira loved it like this. He loved being on top of Ryuji like this. He loved watching Ryuji squirm and buck up into him.  
Ryuji groaned pulling Akira closer to him. “God damn it…”  
“What about this, Yuj… did you miss this?” Akira smiled.  
“Fuck yeah…” Ryuji grabbed at Akira more pulling him closer and closer until their foreheads were touching, grabbing at his hips so hard Akira wondered if there would be bruising, bucking up harshly into Akira as his eyes began to close and he got that familiar blush on his face. Akira could stay here forever…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryuji definitely missed this.


	19. Till the End

They had barely made it back to Akira’s attic from a quick trip to the bathhouse after a specifically steamy morning when the rest of gang showed up.  
They all ate leftover cakes from the day before and laughed with each other like nothing had changed. Ryuji smiled at all of his friends. Nothing had changed, and yet everything had changed. They went from fighting a god to just being regular teens, but Ryuji could still feel their hearts beating together. He could still feel Skull inside him. It felt deeper now, like Skull resided deep within his soul, but he was still there.  
“Ryuji??” Ann asked. “Are you even listening?”  
“Clearly not…” Ryuji said rolling his eyes. “What?” he asked regretting almost immediately once he saw the wicked smirk that was on her face.  
“I said can I ask you a question?” Ann asked staring up at Ryuji through her eyelashes.  
“I guess… but I’m not promisin’ I’m gonna answer it!” Ryuji yelled.  
“Well… we’ve all wondered—“ Ann started.  
“I haven’t wondered!” Makoto interjected quickly, her cheeks already hot.  
“Who’s on top?” Ann said so casually, like she hadn’t just asked the most embarrassing question Ryuji could possibly think of.  
Akira burst out laughing and doubled over at the pressure.  
“What the actual fuck, Ann!? I ain’t tellin’ you that!” His cheeks felt so red he was sure his skin was going to crawl out of itself.  
“I mean… you don’t have to tell me, but then I’m just going to make my own assumption.” Ann said coyly.  
“Eff this, man… I ain’t tellin’ you that shit… It’s private…Akira… back me up here man!” Ryuji clapped Akira on the back who was still laughing so hard he fell off his chair and onto the floor.  
Finally Akira composed himself enough to get back up into his chair, but was still wiping the tears away that had been streaming down his face from laughter.  
“I think that Akira totally tops!” Ann said. “Am I right? I’m right! Akira is the leader, he’s such a top.” Ann looked to the two boys for some sort of approval.  
Ryuji just rolled his eyes. Akira raised his eyebrows and leaned back in his chair.  
“Yeah right…” Futaba said. “I think Akira bottoms but he’s still the one in control.”  
Akira blushed but gave a single nod, shoving a chocolate at Futaba, a wicked shit-eating grin on his face.  
“Wait… does that mean I win!? I’m right?” Futaba’s eyes lit up as Akira nodded and nudged his head into Ryuji who was burying himself fully into his arms and then she pointed to Ann. “In your face Ann!”  
Everyone was doubled over now laughing even harder than before.  
“Man I hate all of you guys. You all suck… why do you even want to know?” Ryuji asked.  
“Because you’re in a relationship and obviously have… relations.” Makoto said before throwing her hands to her mouth and blushing even more fiercely.  
Akira was guffawing at this point.  
“And you both seem so controlling and stuff. But I always thought Akira probably just overpowered you, Yuji… I mean we all know how fierce he can be.”  
“Yeah but that’s only in the metaverse, Joker is fierce… Akira… not so much.” Akira said before wincing at his own words.  
There was a slight pang of sadness at the group realization that they would never get to see each other in action again.  
“Man… do you remember that one time that Yusuke took out like five shadows at once?” Ryuji asked leaning back in his chair. “That was effin’ sick!”  
“Yeah, but nothing beats when Haru straight demolished that penis shadow!” Akira joined in leaning forward.  
They started laughing again as Haru hid her face in her hands.  
“Do you remember when that really big scary shadow was coming after us in Mementos and we were all so tired that Mona literally just ran over it a million times until it ran away?” Futaba said pulling her knees closer in. “I’m never going to forget how it felt when I first summoned my persona…”  
They all shook their heads and smiled at each other. “The feeling of electricity literally runnin’ through my body every time I attacked…”  
“I always wondered, what does the psio attack feel like?” Ann asked. “I mean, Agidyne always felt like this slick warmth running through me.”  
“Hmm…” Haru put a hand to her chin. “It’s difficult to explain. It almost… tingles… your brain…” she nodded her head. “Yes, that’s it.”  
“What?” Ryuji laughed.  
“No that’s about right,” Akira concurred. “I would describe it as more of a tickle.”  
“It’s crazy that it’s over now…” Makoto said.  
“True, but I still feel like Goemon is right there with me…” Yusuke said holding his hand to his heart. “Like he’s still here guiding me.”  
“I think our personas will always be with us. We awakened to them and called them by name… just because we can’t harness their power anymore doesn’t mean they’re not still there…” Akira said.  
“For real man…” Ryuji clapped him on the back.

The next month was speeding by way too quickly; Ryuji was trying hard to push down the impending sadness that would be Akira leaving. They would hang out pretty much every single day either alone with each other or with the whole group, and Ryuji had started to care less and less who saw them together because he just wanted all the time they had. Akira would throw his arms around him after class and lean into him threatening to topple them both over. And to Ryuji’s surprise, no one seemed to care. Everyone just passed them by as Akira flung himself into Ryuji while pressing their whole bodies together getting so close to Ryuji’s that their noses would touch.  
“You’re just tryin’ to make me get all embarrassed aren’t ya…” Ryuji asked wrapping his arms around Akira’s waist. He had started to slowly fill out again, and it didn’t feel like he was going to break him if he grabbed too hard.  
“I just want to make the most of it…” Akira said quietly, his breath tickling at Ryuji’s ear sending chills down him.  
“Then let’s get the hell out of here and I’ll help you make the most of it.” Ryuji whispered back. They heard the familiar groan of the cat in Akira’s bag and both chuckled, Akira putting their foreheads together.  
“Come on…” he grabbed Ryuji’s hand and let him down the stairs and to the train station. 

Ryuji was trying to slow down time, but before he knew it he was sitting on Akira’s couch as he packed up all evidence that he had lived in the attic above Lablanc for the past year. Ryuji had been biting at his lips trying to hold back all of the feelings that were threatening to spill out of him.  
“Alright…” Akira stood up and stretched out. “That’s pretty much it, besides my stuff for the drive tomorrow.” He sat down next to Ryuji, who turned his head away. He wasn’t trying to be cold; he just didn’t want Akira to feel guilty for having to go back home. This had always been the plan. He had to move back to the countryside and finish school there. But Ryuji didn’t get why he had to leave, his parents didn’t even seem to care about him, they had never called him… not once for an entire year. They never had returned any of his calls or emails either. Akira acted like it didn’t bother him, but Ryuji was sure it did.  
Suddenly Akira was sliding onto Ryuji’s lap the way he knew Ryuji loved, his hands immediately wrapped around Ryuji’s neck and into his hair. Ryuji put his hands on both sides of Akira’s hips, but still looked away.  
“Dude… Come on...” Akira said grabbing Ryuji’s chin and gently pushing it towards him until Ryuji was forced to meet Akira’s soft grey eyes. “I’m trying to seduce you here and you won’t even look at me.”  
Ryuji smiled weakly and sighed as Akira put their foreheads together.  
“Please don’t be sad…” Akira whispered to him, nuzzling into Ryuji’s neck.  
“I’m tryin’ man…” Ryuji said he could feel his throat tighten. “I’m just gonna miss you so damn much.” He dropped his head as tears pricked at his eyes.  
“Hey…” Akira pulled his head back up, both of his hands on Ryuji’s cheeks, wiping the tears away as they fell. “We said no goodbye talk tonight…”  
“Eff man… I know…” Ryuji moved his hands from Akira’s hips to wipe at his eyes. He chuckled at himself. “God I’m turnin’ into such a chick. Cryin’ at my boyfriend movin’ away.”  
Akira pulled him closer and let himself slide down further onto Ryuji’s lap. Ryuji moved his hands up Akira’s back, pressing up towards him and the sensation.  
“I don’t really want to spend my last night here crying… do you?” Akira whispered into Ryuji’s neck while planting little kisses on him.  
“God…” Ryuji’s eyes fluttered as leaned his head back and watched Akira grind down on top of him. “I can think of a few things I’d rather do more…” he finally whispered back.  
“You horny bastards…” Morgana complained as he ran down the stairs. 

Ryuji waited anxiously at the arcade, Akira was making his rounds today to all of his friends before leaving. He told Ryuji he was saving him for last. This wasn’t the last time he’d see Akira, obviously. They were all road tripping and driving him home, making stops along the way, taking a few detours. He was looking forward to it, but it was bittersweet. And this wasn’t the end by far, he and Akira were staying together, they both knew they could make the distance work. And they had all already been planning Akira’s first golden week back in Tokyo, it was going to be fine, but Ryuji was still anxious as he waited for the boy he’d follow anywhere to show up.  
Finally someone pulled at his elbow in that familiar way. And there he was perfect black velvet hair almost long enough to cover his eyes, grey eyes that Ryuji could stare at forever. He was perfect. Ryuji bit at his lips, already feeling his throat tighten.  
“C’mon…” Akira said pulling Ryuji out of the arcade. They got beef bowls and sat together eating like they had done so long ago. Akira pulled him along place after place where they had spent so many good memories, until finally they were in an alleyway near the school.  
“Do you remember this?” Akira asked. He pulled on Ryuji’s shirt bringing him closer.  
“Yeah… this was where we would come to kick ass in Komoshida’s palace.” Ryuji smiled.  
“Yes… but this is also where we promised each other that we would beat him together…”  
Ryuji bit at his lip forcing the lump in his throat down.  
“Ryuji…” Akira said meeting his eyes. “I brought you back here because I want to promise something else.”  
“Yeah?” Ryuji asked trying hard to keep the knot in his throat down.  
Akira smiled. “It’s always going to be me and you. I’m with you. As long as you want me with you… I will be.”  
Ryuji put his head to Akira’s shoulder, he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and Akira just held him close like Ryuji had done for him so many times before. Ryuji wrapped his arms tighter around Akira, unwilling to let him go. Finally he composed himself enough to sniffle back all of his snot and wipe his eyes.  
“Well you better as hell be ready for the long haul then, dude… cuz I’m with you till the end.” Ryuji pulled down at Akira’s shirt until their lips met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is basically two small chapters clumped together and basically takes place from Valentine's day until right before Akira leaves.


	20. Fearless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a mini-chapter all in Akira's POV.

Akira had been in high spirits the entire time he was parading around Tokyo saying goodbye to his friends. He even felt in high spirits at their long road trip, they stopped at the ocean and he and Ryuji ran down the shoreline, Ryuji now able to leave Akira in the dust with ease. But as they got closer and closer to Inaba, his hometown, he started to feel his high spirits begin to dwindle with each mile.   
He was pulling nervously at the frayed part of his shirt, as if instinctively Ryuji grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.  
“You good?” he whispered just loud enough so only Akira could hear.   
He forced a smile and nodded. But as he directed them to his home, the home he had lived the first sixteen years of his life in, the home that contained two parents who had loved him, but never understood him. Sojiro had gotten it right when he first moved and he told him his parents just wanted to get rid of him because he had become a pain in their ass. He squeezed Ryuji’s hand harder. He wondered if Ryuji could read his thoughts because he leaned his head into Akira and put his forehead to Akira’s temple.   
“You’re gonna be okay, Akira…” Ryuji whispered to him as they pulled into his small driveway.   
They all piled out of the van and waited there as Akira walked to the door. He didn’t feel right just opening it… this place didn’t feel like his home anymore. He knocked a few times. There was some shuffling and then the door opened. His mom looked at him for a moment before wrapping him in a hug. She smiled at him awkwardly and mumbled something about him being skinnier than before. His father walked to the door as well, he was more awkward and gave Akira a pat on his shoulder before seeing eyes peering at him from Akira’s bag.   
“What is that?” he asked. He looked onward to the group of teens standing by the van. “Who are they?”   
“This is Mona… my cat. I’ll pay for all of his care myself, don’t worry. And those are my friends. They’re dropping me off.” Akira looked back at his friends who all gave awkward waves. He could see Ryuji puffing out his shoulders protectively of Akira towards the parents who had all but forgotten they had a son.   
They both waved awkwardly back. “Well… Akira… we’re glad you’re home. We’ll let you say goodbye to your friends.”   
His mother smiled. “We’ll give you some time; we have to run to the grocery store anyways.” They walked out and to their car, giving his friends a second awkward wave before leaving.   
Akira walked back over to his friends.   
“Come let me show you my room.” He said grabbed onto Ryuji and his other friends and pulled them towards his house.   
“Shall we grab your bags, Akira?” Yusuke asked.   
They all hauled Akira’s bags of clothes and memorabilia into his room. They looked around at the small room that was filled with books and a desk with an old computer on it. It was just as he had left it.   
After they had helped him unpack everything, just prolonging their goodbye, his parents had finally returned, surprised to still see his friends there.   
They looked at his room filled with the gifts his friends had given him and the huge Phantom Thief banner hanging on his wall.   
“Oh… the Phantom Thieves… we saw them on the television. They took out the Prime Minister.” His mom mentioned. “Were they all the rage in Tokyo?”   
“Yeah, they were pretty cool.” Akira said a soft blush already present on his cheeks.   
She nodded and turned to walk away. “Akira… dinner will be in twenty minutes.”   
Akira nodded and turned to his friends. “I’ll walk you guys out.”   
He hugged all of his friends individually, holding each of them until he felt sustained to last a few months. He finally reached Ryuji, who was leaned against the van. Ryuji bit at his lip in the way Akira had learned meant that he was trying to hold it together. He wrapped his arms so tightly around Ryuji, he was sure it hurt. But he didn’t care. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears spilled down him and into Ryuji’s shoulder.   
He could feel his shirt becoming wet with tears too. “I love you.” Ryuji whispered into Akira’s shoulder. “So effin’ much.” His voice was shaky.   
Akira opened his mouth, but he only groaned into Ryuji’s shoulder as more tears fell out of his shut eyes. His breathing was shaky as he tried again. “I love you too, Yuj… so effin’ much.” They held onto each other for a moment longer until eventually the rest of his friends began wrapping around him, holding onto him tightly. Never letting him go. After a few long minutes of tears they all started laughing. Surrounded by his friends and the boy he loved, Akira felt fearless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys.... this is the actual complete end of game-play, although mostly it was in the last chapter. From here on out all of the story will be post P5 game. I really hope that you all stick with it through the end at this point because I am really proud of it.


	21. The First Golden Week

The first “golden week” couldn’t come fast enough. Ryuji waited anxiously at the train station with the rest of the Phantom Theives gang. It was the beginning of summer break and Akira was staying for two weeks, everyone was giddy with chatter. Futaba was bouncing nonstop and Ann kept letting out excited little squeals every now and again.  
The train stopped and Ryuji began searching fervently, his eyes finally fell on a mess of velvet curls, glasses and grey eyes. They all barreled towards Akira, barely stopping themselves from running over other passengers. He was running towards them just as fast and before they knew it they were all wrapped in a group hug so tight Akira actually had to push them away to catch a breath before they all collided back into him.  
Ryuji grabbed Akira’s face and pulled him into a kiss. Akira wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s neck leaning further into him. Ryuji didn’t even care that they were in the middle of the train station and people were clearly all watching this group of teens collapse to the ground in glee surrounding one guy.  
They spent the first week running around all of their old hangouts including commandeering the attic just to sit around and eat snacks and generally annoy Boss. Ryuji knew that Akira wasn’t only his, but he couldn’t help but feel antsy as all the friends took him out on day dates and trips. It had been a long time. It had been since that night before Akira left. And video chat could only go so far. But it would all be worth it because Ryuji’s mom was going on a weekend long work trip and Akira was spending the entire weekend. He had been spending the entire day cleaning the apartment while Ann had her day with Akira. His phone pinged.  
Akira: Ann is making me try on clothes… save me!  
Ryuji huffed a laugh out through his nose and looked at the picture attached. Akira complained about Ann always wanting to play dress up, but by the look on his face while they were squashed in the dressing room proved how much he had missed it.  
Ryuji: Those pants make your junk look good… buy them.  
Akira: Dude…  
Ryuji: Don’t dude me… It’s been forever…  
Akira: So dramatic… I bought them.  
Ryuji laughed and slid his phone back into his pocket. He still had more cleaning to do after all. His mom was chatting his ear off about how she was only going to be gone for four days and not to throw any parties while she was away but his friends were still welcome over. Ryuji had started to become less and less ashamed of his small apartment, because he knew that his friends knew him for more than just what he had.  
As she puttered around the house, always nervous to leave Ryuji even though he had become incredibly self sufficient when a knock came at the door, Ryuji opened it and Ann burst in. “Yuji!” she yelled. She noticed Ryuji’s mom still there and perked up. “Oh, hi Ms. Sakamato.”  
“Ann-kun, it’s nice to see you again.” Akira walked in carrying tons of bags. “Akira! I didn’t know you were back in town.” She wrapped him in a big hug as he dropped all of the bags he was holding and wrapped his arms around her as well.  
“Ryuji… why didn’t you tell me Akira-kun was going to be in town?” She smacked Ryuji on the back of the head.  
“Ow!” Ryuji rubbed his head. “Sorry… I didn’t really think you’d care.”  
“Ryuji!” she said. “He’s your boyfriend… you care about him, so I do too. How long are you in town? I’m going out of town this weekend for a business trip, but can you come for dinner before you leave?”  
“Of course Ms. Sakamato,” Akira smiled at her and gave her another hug. She finally saw herself out and they all sighed as Akira wrapped Ryuji’s arms around his shoulders. “Okay Ann… ready for the fashion show?” he struck a pose and Ryuji snickered.  
“Gay!” Ryuji said leaning in and biting at Akira’s ear. Akira took a breath in and leaned his head further onto Ryuji.  
Ann giggled and pulled Akira away and into Ryuji’s bedroom. Ryuji sat on the couch and pulled out his phone. He of course had a text from his mom reminding him to be safe and use protection. He rolled his eyes but texted her a ‘don’t worry’ response.  
The door opened to his bedroom and Akira and Ann emerged in new outfits. They both struck a pose and Ryuji couldn’t help but crack up. But he also couldn’t help but notice that Akira looked hot as hell in those pants. He tried to focus on anything other than how good he looked, because Ann was still there.  
“You guys look good.” Ryuji said leaning back on the couch. Akira gave him that dirty look, and Ryuji literally had to lean forward to hide his growing boner. Akira walked forward and pushed him back down sitting on him the way he knew drove Ryuji mad. “Ann… you gotta go.”  
“Gross! At least wait till I’m out the door!” She yelled grabbing her bags before opening the door. “Have fun!”  
Right as the door clicked Akira pressed himself closer to Ryuji and kissed him, sliding his hands through Ryuji’s hair. “Does this beat video chat?” Akira whispered to him.  
“Hell yeah.” Ryuji said running his hands through Akira’s perfect hair before grabbing a good handful and pulling down.  
Akira groaned and shoved his mouth harder onto Ryuji’s. “God I missed you so much, Yuj…”  
Ryuji slid his hands underneath Akira and lifted him up. Akira laughed and wrapped his legs around Ryuji tighter, nuzzling into his neck.  
Ryuji carried him into his bedroom and tossed him on the bed. Akira giggled at him with giddy excitement that made Ryuji’s throat tighten.  
“What?” Akira asked him.  
Ryuji bit his lip and slid onto the bed with Akira. “I love you, man… so effin much.”  
Akira smiled and put his hand to Ryuji’s face. “Me too Yuj…. So effin’ much.” He pulled Ryuji closer and arched up into him.  
They were both frantically peeling out of their clothes Akira grabbed at Ryuji and pulling him on top of him. “God… I missed this so much…” Akira breathed into Ryuji’s hair as Ryuji fumbled around with the condom.  
Ryuji was already struggling to think straight before they had even started, but feeling how warm Akira was and hearing Akira let out that needy whimper. He thought he might cum right then and there. It had been a long few months of video chatting with each other and sometimes feeling up for a little bit of phone sex and dirty pics, but nothing compared to this. Ryuji groaned and let his head drop as he pressed himself further into Akira.  
Akira was bucking up and squirming around under him, pulling Ryuji closer and closer to the edge. It was bliss, being with Akira again. Ryuji couldn’t think of a single place he’d rather be than right there, with Akira underneath him, biting at his lip, eyes rolling to the back of his head as they came together. 

The golden weeks had ended far too quickly and before Ryuji knew it they were seeing Akira off at the train station. He thought after two weeks of time together saying goodbye wouldn’t be as hard, but he still couldn’t hold it together when Akira wrapped him in a tight hug. “I love you…” Akira whispered as Ryuji clung to him. He didn’t want to let go, he didn’t want to wait for the next time. It was torture. But he would, he would wait and survive off of texts and phone calls and video chats until he could do this again, because it was Akira, and he was with him until the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ann just had to gtfo before clothes came flying off. lol.


	22. Waiting and Running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains mini time jumps over the course of a few months. I didn't want to make them all separate chapters because they would have been super short, so I'll just make sure they're well separated out.

Ryuji: WYD?  
Akira: Homework. You?  
Ryuji: Same. Wanna video chat? We can do our homework together.   
Akira: Give me a minute. 

Ryuji opened his laptop and waited anxiously for Akira’s Skype call. Finally he saw the icon appear, he took a deep breath and pressed answer. Akira appeared, he was looking down like he was texting someone.   
“Hey,” Ryuji said, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest.   
Akira smiled and looked up, it actually took him a long second to notice before his eyes bulged and he let out a gasp.   
“Ryuji! Your hair!”   
Ryuji blushed and ran a hand through his fresh dyed black hair. “Heh… yeah… do you hate it?”   
“Hate it? No I love it… you look so good.” He smiled. “I wish I could touch it! What made you dye it back to black?”   
Ryuji gulped and bounced his hands on his knees. “Well…it was a lot of upkeep and the uh… track team doesn’t allow unnatural hair colors.”  
“Wait… the track team? You decided to join again?” Akira’s mouth had literally fallen open.   
Ryuji blushed fiercely. “Yeah… they asked me again, and I figured since all my after school time is free now that I don’t have to battle shadows and shit… might as well.”   
“Dude! God I wish I was there because I just want to hug you! I’m so proud of you, Ryuji.” Akira had the biggest grin on his face.   
“Really?” Ryuji asked feeling that familiar butterfly bubble feeling growing in his stomach.   
“Yes! Send me a schedule of your track meets, I want to try and come to a couple of them.” Akira held his phone to the screen taking a picture of Ryuji with black hair then looked at Ryuji and smiled. “God… you look so fucking hot, Yuj… I mean blonde haired you was so hot… but black haired you…. Damn.”   
Ryuji blushed and raised his eyebrows at Akira. “Worried that I’m gonna be the hotter one now?”   
Akira laughed. “No! I don’t care which of us is the hotter one, because I’m lucky either way.” 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* 

Ryuji waited in the locker room with his fellow track teammates. “You ready man?” One clapped him on the back.   
He was so nervous. He gulped and summoned the courage of Saitan Taisae that still resided in him. “Hell yeah!”   
They all stood in a line and began jogging out of the locker room and onto the track field. They started their pre-game warm up run and afterwards as they stretched Ryuji searched the stands. He knew his friends would be there, but he thought seeing their faces would help calm him down. He saw them almost immediately holding up a huge sign. Even Makoto and Haru were there and… his eyes lit up and a huge grin plastered his face when he saw black wavy hair and grey eyes smiling back at him. He waved frantically and the black haired boy waved back.   
His teammates nudged him. “Oooh… Ryuji’s boyfriend is here…” they all laughed as Ryuji shoved them away laughing along. He didn’t care anymore if people knew, he didn’t waste time worrying about what other people thought of his relationship because his time with Akira was limited and he wasn’t about to spend a damn second of it pretending they were just friends.   
He ran hard and fast and he got second, which he thought was pretty damn good seeing as he had been out of practice for a long time. All of his friends raced up to him after the awards and tackled him to the ground. Akira hugged him so tight that it hurt his already sore muscles, but he didn’t care, because it was Akira. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

It was late, past midnight at least. Ryuji was just starting to doze off when his phone vibrated. He squinted at the light coming from his phone.   
Akira: You asleep?  
Ryuji came to a little more and shot a quick reply.   
Ryuji: Not yet.  
Akira: Are you in bed?  
Ryuji could feel that little bit of heat tickle at his cheeks, he knew what was going on. He definitely wasn’t falling asleep now.   
Ryuji: Yeah, you?   
Akira: Yep… I miss you…  
Ryuji: I miss you too… I wanna see you.  
Akira: yeah?  
Ryuji: yeah...  
Akira sent him a picture, Ryuji opened it and the heat traveled further down, he could feel his boxers pull tighter. It was Akira’s gorgeously toned torso, his pants were low; Ryuji could see Akira’s hip bones just a little and he could see the obvious bulge against his boxers; Akira was clearly in the mood.  
Ryuji: god… you’re so fucking hot…   
Akira: yeah?   
Ryuji: fuck yeah, man…   
Akira: Is it turning you on?   
Ryuji gulped and rubbed at the bulge in his boxers, readjusting himself just a little bit, just enough to take some of the edge off.   
Ryuji: What do you think?   
Akira: Show me.   
Ryuji slid his blanket off of him, the air tickling at his bare chest. He pulled his pants down just a bit, exposing just some of his dick. He made sure to get it in the picture, along with the line up his abs, because he knew that drove Akira wild. He sent the picture to Akira and waited for a reply, running his hand slowly up and down his dick.   
His phone rang and Akira’s number appeared. Ryuji answered quickly.   
“Hey…” Ryuji asked, trying to keep his breathing normal.   
“Hey…” Akira sighed out. “You’re looking pretty hot over there…”   
“Yeah, you got me all horny, so thanks a lot.”   
He heard Akira take a shaky breath in. “I wish I was there… I’d blow you so hard right now…”   
Ryuji bit at his lip, trying to muffle the groan that was already escaping. “Fuck…” he breathed out. “Are you jerking off?”   
Akira took another shaky breath in. “Yeah… you?”   
“Yeah… wish I was inside of you right now…” Ryuji got out, his hand moving faster against him. “I wanna fuck you so bad…”  
Akira took a sharp inhale. “Mmm… yeah… god… yeah I want you to.” He was panting. “I’ve got my fingers inside…”   
“I wish it was my dick…” Ryuji was moving his hand fast now. “If I was there I’d fuck you so hard.”   
Akira responded with a moan.  
“I’d… god… I’d push so deep into you…”   
“Yeah… fuck … yeah I want you to…” Akira was getting breathy and high pitched. Ryuji knew this meant the end was near. He started to let go.   
“I’d fuck you so hard… until you couldn’t help… f-fuck… tell me you want me to fuck you, Akira…”   
“Fuck me… god I want you to fuck me so bad, babe… please… oh god… fuck…”   
Ryuji’s eyes went white as hot streaks of cum spurted out onto his stomach. “I’m cumming…” he choked out.   
“Fuck… me too… god I’m c-cumming so hard…” Akira was high pitched and breathy and moaning and breathing heavy into the phone.   
There was silence for a moment as both boys lingered in the afterglow of phone sex. Finally Ryuji snagged a rag from his floor and wiped himself up.   
“You there?” he asked.   
“Yeah… yeah I’m here…” Akira was still breathy and shaky. It would almost have been enough for Ryuji to get hard and go again. “Thanks for that… I needed that.”   
“Me too…” Ryuji closed his eyes and cozied up with his phone still at his ear. He heard Akira let out a long deep sigh. “I love you, dude… so effin much.” Ryuji said through a yawn.   
“Me too, Yuj… so effin much.” He heard Akira say back. He fell asleep with the phone still up to his ear. Akira breathing deeply on the other line. If Ryuji had stayed awake he would have been able to hear Akira’s sighs turn into choked sobs, he would have been able to hear Akira say how much he missed Ryuji, but Ryuji didn’t hear any of that, and Akira didn’t want him to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Akira... the ending is really the start of some serious angst on Akira's side, so be ready. I'll give trigger warnings as I feel they are needed just in case.


	23. Inaba

Ryuji had fallen asleep on the train and woke up as it finally reached his stop. He was shaking with excitement at the prospect of visiting Akira for a weekend in his hometown, without anyone else to have to share him with. He grabbed all of his stuff and pulled on his coat. It was November and the air had gotten chilly, especially here in the country. The train came to a stop and Ryuji stretched out before stepping out and immediately picking up his phone to call Akira, before he could even get his recent calls up though he was being wrapped up in Akira’s arms. He dropped his bag and pulled Akira in closer. Akira was nuzzled into his neck and Ryuji could tell that he had already started crying. It had been a few months since they had seen each other, and Ryuji knew it was hard for Akira to be away from everyone. Finally Ryuji pulled himself away and put his hands on both sides of Akira’s face. He looked tired, like he needed a long nap, he had dark bags under his eyes that no 18 year old should have.   
Ryuji didn’t want to worry about that right now though, just wanted to keep on hugging Akira. They caught a bus to Akira’s house and he helped Ryuji carry all of his crap in. The room looked exactly the same as it had when they had dropped him off six months earlier. Ryuji was only there for a weekend, nowhere near enough time to make up for the months they hadn’t seen each other, but he was determined to make the most of it none the less.   
“My parents aren’t home yet, but I should tell you now… they don’t know that you’re my boyfriend. They’d never have let you visit if they knew that.” Akira pulled at the sleeves of his shirt.   
“Don’t they know you’re gay?” Ryuji asked.   
Akira sort of shrugged and slumped on the bed. “I mean… yeah they know… but they don’t really like it, so I try not to talk about it much with them. They don’t think I’m dating anyone. Sorry… I know that’s shitty of me not to tell them, it’s just… complicated.”   
Ryuji met his eyes, god… he looked so tired. “Dude… it’s all good. I ain’t worried.” He sat down next to Akira, realizing suddenly the missing black furry back talking cat. “Where’s Morgana?”   
“Oh… he likes to go for walks around the neighborhood at around this time. He gets tired of being cooped up in the house all the time. He should be back soon.” Akira looked down at the floor.   
“You okay, man?” Ryuji asked putting his hand on Akira’s back and running his fingers up and down his spine.   
Akira shivered before looking up at Ryuji again. “Its… it’s just that…” just then a blur of fur and yelling leapt onto Ryuji.   
“Ow! Mona what the hell… get off!” Ryuji yelled through laughter.   
“Ryuji! I never thought I’d be so happy to see your dumb face!” Morgana yelled.   
“Hey!” Ryuji yelled back. They heard the door open and shut.   
“Akira… is your friend here from the train station?” it was Akira’s mother who appeared at the doorway.   
“Yeah, mom. You remember Ryuji.” Akira said quietly. Ryuji could almost see the wall that slid around Akira when his mom came into view.   
Akira’s mom nodded and gave a short smile before walking away. “Dinner will be ready in half an hour.”   
Akira looked bristled and prickly through-out dinner and small talk with Akira’s parents, who didn’t seem capable to manage more than that. Once dinner was over and the dishes were done Akira suggested a walk while all but dragging Ryuji out the door.   
“Thank god we’re away from them.” His shoulders relaxed just a little as he waited for Mona to jump into his bag. “Come on; let’s get out of here for a bit.” 

They spent the majority of their night walking around and catching up, Ryuji could see more and more that Akira was holding something back. But he didn’t know how to breach the subject with Akira. Akira’s mom had gotten him a sleeping mat and a sleep bag from the attic and put it in Akira’s room when they got back. Akira rolled his eyes at it when he saw it and shut his door a little harder than he needed to.   
Akira went to the bathroom and Morgana and Ryuji sat on the bed. Ryuji thought about asking Morgana what was up with Akira, but before he had gathered up the will to bring it up Akira was back, looking much more relaxed. He lay down in his bed and patted the spot next to him. Ryuji wanted to talk but he couldn’t deny that he had been missing being with Akira so much that it almost hurt. He figured they could save talking for the next day.   
But the next day Akira’s parents were gone all day long, and Mona knew the no good business they were planning and scurried off to go on his own adventures early in the morning. And Ryuji knew he should bring it up then, but the way Akira was looking at him. He figured they could talk about it that night when they were out on a run that Ryuji was going to force them to go on. And in his defense, Akira did look exponentially happier after getting off a couple of times.   
He finally dragged Akira out alone without Morgana for a run. Ryuji could run circles around Akira at this point, but they kept it to a comfortable jog and ended at a small park. Akira collapsed into the grass taking deep breaths.   
“Geez… I’m out of shape.” Akira said as Ryuji sat down next to him. Ryuji ran his finger across a little bit of skin that had become exposed on Akira’s stomach.   
Akira met Ryuji’s eyes and put his hand on Ryuji’s. “I’m glad you’re here, Ryuji.”   
“Me too.” Ryuji hesitated, he didn’t want to upset Akira when he seemed like he was in such a good mood, but he was leaving tomorrow, and he could tell that Akira was holding back. “Hey… you were trying to tell me something yesterday…”   
“Hmm?” Akira said.   
“I don’t know…” Ryuji gathered his courage. “You seem pretty tired, man. Is something wrong?”   
Akira let out a sigh; it wasn’t really an exasperated sigh, as much as it was just a bone-tired sigh. “It’s just… it’s been hard to sleep lately.”   
“Why?” Ryuji asked he caught Akira’s eyes and watched a familiar fear appear in them that he had seen a year ago. “Shit.” Ryuji said hitting his hand to his face. “I’m a fucking idiot.” How had he forgotten the exact date of the interrogation? Why had he assumed that there was no way it would still affect Akira a year later.   
“That’s not true…” Akira said quietly. “I didn’t tell you.”   
“Why?” Ryuji asked.  
Akira shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t want to worry you when you can’t do anything.” He was tearing at the grass underneath him.   
“Akira… I always want you to worry me. I’d rather know than not know. Even if I can’t be here, you could still call me if you were struggling or video chat me.”   
Akira clenched his jaw and leaned forward. “You… you’re… you’re doing so well now, Yuj. You’re back on the track team, your marks are good. I just didn’t want to add stress to you.”   
“Akira… that’s bullshit. You know how much you mean to me.” Ryuji leaned his head onto Akira’s shoulder. “You can’t just hold this shit in.”   
Akira sniffled and leaned his head onto Ryuji’s. “I’m sorry. I should put more faith in you.” 

Saying goodbye again the next day was hard, Ryuji was surprised that it never got easier saying goodbye to him, but at the small train station in Inaba they held on to each other, Ryuji’s shirt already soaked by Akira’s tears.   
“We’re so close, babe…” Ryuji whispered. He was almost startled by his words. They had never really had pet names for each other, but it just sort of felt like the right thing to say. “The year is halfway up… then you can come home again.”   
This just made Akira cry harder and hold onto Ryuji tighter.


	24. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little mini chapter of Ryuji getting accepted into University. :)

Things were changing again between them and Ryuji knew it was for the better, but that didn’t make it any less difficult. Akira had started opening up to him more about how lost he was feeling over in Inaba and how he had no friends, and how none of his old friends wanted to hang out with him anymore and how he would wake up from nightmares and have to take sleeping pills just to go back to sleep. Ryuji didn’t like that, he was worried about Akira having to take drugs every single night just so he could sleep, but Akira didn’t seem too concerned about it, and Ryuji hadn’t really been sure what else he could say. He just kept hoping that it would pass as the winter came to an end.   
Ryuji had been working really hard in school to get into an actual University. The same one all of his friends had gotten into. Akira had received a full-ride scholarship to the University of Tokyo and Ryuji was determined to make it in too. He had gotten back to the top spot on the track team, and Makoto had been helping him get his marks up to middle of the road so he could have a good chance on getting in on a track scholarship.  
He had been waiting for more than a week to hear back. He was starting to lose hope, his grades weren’t great, and his record for getting good marks wasn’t proving much, but his track skills could maybe be enough to get him in. His phone pinged; he pulled it out and saw a text from Akira.   
Akira: Any news?   
Ryuji bit his lip, he didn’t want to tell Akira he hadn’t heard anything yet, He didn’t want to disappoint Akira, who was so ready for them to be at the same school again he had already started looking at on campus apartments for them to live in together.  
Ryuji: No news yet.   
Akira: There’s still time. Don’t stress.   
Ryuji could feel the heat rising to his face.   
Ryuji: What if I don’t get it?   
Akira: If you don’t get in then I’m going to break up with you.  
Akira: JK. If you don’t get in then I’m still gonna love you, and your friends are still gonna love you.   
Ryuji: I love you man… so effin’ much.   
Akira: So effin much, Yuj…

Two days later he got a letter from University of Tokyo. He raced into his bedroom and requested a video chat with Akira immediately. Akira answered, just seeing his face made Ryuji calm down a little bit.   
“Okay, did you get it?” Akira asked.   
“Yeah man… I’m scared to open it.” Ryuji flicked at the letters edge.   
“You can do it, Yuj… you’ve just gotta open it.” Akira leaned forward.   
Ryuji tore at the envelope a little. “Shit… he threw the letter onto his desk. I can’t do it man…”   
Akira grabbed his phone and held it to his ear. “Ann… go to Ryuji’s house right now… he needs you to open his letter.”   
“Akira!” Ryuji hissed. He could feel the heat rise to his cheeks. He scowled at Akira in the computer screen. “Dude… I don’t want anyone else to see me like this.”   
“It’s just Ann… and besides, you need to open it.”   
“Well what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?” Ryuji crossed his arms.   
“Just talk to me you idiot.” Akira leaned back in his chair. “Let’s talk about golden week or something.”   
The last golden week they would have was coming next month, and they were all ready. It had been a long winter and Akira had been in a shitty mood for most of it, not really wanting to talk with anyone besides Ryuji and even then all they would really do is quietly do their homework together over video chat.   
His door burst open and Ann was in his room.   
“Let’s get this bread!” She yelled wrapping her arms around Ryuji’s shoulders. “Akira! Why the hell haven’t you texted me recently?”   
“Sorry… sorry… come on, just open the letter.” Akira said looking down.   
She grabbed the letter off the table and smiled over at Ryuji. He could feel that awful sinking feeling in his stomach. He stood up and walked to his bed, he wished so badly that Akira was here to chill him out. He heard the letter fold open and he held his breath.   
Ann screamed and put her hands to her mouth!   
“Did he get in?” He heard everyone yelling, but he couldn’t really get his thoughts together. Before he knew it Ann was pulling him up and jumping up and down squeezing him.   
“Yuj!” Akira yelled from the computer screen. “You got in!”   
“I… got it?” Ryuji asked quietly.   
“Yes Ryuji! You got in!” Ann hugged him.   
It finally registered to him. “Hell yeah! I got in! Let me see the letter!”


	25. The Final Golden Week

The final golden week was upon them and in traditional Phantom Thieves fashion they all waited at the train station to pick up Akira. Ryuji was so desperate to see his face. Akira had been going through a weird rough patch that just didn’t fit right with Ryuji all winter long, but finally they were going to be together again. He began scanning the crowd for Akira’s signature black curls. They appeared quickly and he broke into a run. Akira’s arms were extending out to him and he was finally home again. Ryuji held onto him as tight as he possibly could as everyone else snuggled in around Akira all wrapping their arms around him. He could feel that familiar pressure of whatever Akira was holding back right against his skin as they hugged together. He grabbed his hand tight as they all walked out and piled into leblanc. They spent a long time talking and eating curry before heading up to the attic, just for old times’ sake more than anything else. They were all sprawled out all over the room, Akira with his head on Ryuji’s lap.   
“I can’t believe this will be our last golden week, this year has just sped by, and now you’re going to be back for good in just a few more months.” Haru said.   
Akira smiled. “I know… I am so ready to get the hell out of Inaba.”   
“Is it hard over there?” Yusuke asked.   
Akira shrugged. “It’s just… different I think. I kind of just feel like I don’t fit in it anymore.” Ryuji could feel Akira tremble on his lap. “I don’t know… I feel like I’m just separate from everyone there. Like after everything I’ve been through I’m just not… normal enough anymore.”   
They were all silent. Ryuji ran reassuring fingers through Akira’s hair.   
“You don’t feel that way here though, right? With us?” Makoto asked.   
Akira bit at his lip; he seemed to be thinking of the best thing to say. “I don’t feel that way when I’m here with you guys, no… I suppose because you get it more than anyone else does.”   
“Well… this will be the last time you ever have to say goodbye to us, Akira, because the next time we see you will be to help you move back home.” Haru said grabbing Mona and pulling him close.   
“Yeah, and you all better be willing to come and rescue me sometimes because I am literally going to be living with these two… together.” Mona chimed in.   
Everyone chuckled and Akira looked at Ryuji with a fire in his eyes that Ryuji hadn’t seen in a while. He smiled down at the black haired young man resting his head in his lap and ran his fingers down his chest.   
“Don’t worry Morgana, you can come escape to one of us whenever the… need arises.” Haru said as awkwardly as she could.   
“Well in that case he better just move in with one of you…” Ryuji said under his breath. Akira snickered.   
“Kids…” Sojiro walked up the stairs. “I’m closing up for the night.”  
“Sojiro...” Futaba complained.   
“It’s alright, Futaba-chan… I actually need to be getting home. I have a ton of studying to catch up on during the break.” Makoto got up as everyone began following suit.   
“Sojiro… can uh… can Ryuji stay with me?” Akira asked.   
Sojiro shrugged, “Fine by me… just… don’t... keep me awake.”   
Ryuji could feel his cheeks get hot all the way up to his ears.   
Akira burst out laughing for the first time since he’d been back. He and Futaba were both doubled over laughing together. Ryuji hid his head on Akira while Sojiro grumbled something and went down the stairs.   
“God…” Akira took a breath finally. “I miss that guy.”   
“He misses you too, y’know?” Futaba said. “He talks about you all the time. You’re basically his adopted son at this point.”   
Akira bit his lip and sat down on the bed. “I miss this place so much…” his voice caught as sharp inhales and hot tears started to wrack his body.   
Ryuji sat down next to him, putting his arm around him. “Dude… you’re so close.”   
“Akira…” Futaba said. It was shocking to see Akira like this, Ryuji had gotten more and more used to it this past year, but everyone always expected Akira to have it together and be perfect. It was such an unfair expectation that Akira continued trying to reach.   
Akira grabbed onto Ryuji and sobbed into his shoulder, covering him with tears and snot. Ryuji met Futaba’s eyes which were filled with worry. He tried to give her his best reassuring face, but he didn’t really think his point was getting across.   
“Come on, man…” Ryuji whispered into Akira’s hair. “Let’s go back to Sojiro’s.”  
Akira made a gross sniffling noise and wiped his nose on his sleeve before nodding. Ryuji wiped some tears off his face and smiled at him when they finally met eyes. There was a storm still brewing behind his perfect grey eyes, but it seemed to be tamed at least for now.  
They walked over to Sojiro’s house and hung out with Futaba for a bit longer before Akira started swaying. They climbed the stairs into the guest bedroom alone, Morgana opting to stay with Futaba for the night.   
They both stared at each other almost uncomfortably for a second. It had definitely been a while, and they almost always had to re-go through the awkwardness of it having been a long time. And it had been a really long time; Akira hadn’t really been in the mood for much of anything when they weren’t together lately, so it had been a long time for both of them.   
Akira bit his lip and crossed his arms leaning against the wall. Ryuji could read Akira like a damn book, and he knew exactly what Akira was hoping for. And he would 100% oblige. He leaned into Akira, putting his hands on either side of Akira’s head, boxing him in. He slid himself closer and closer, at a pace so agonizing it was torture; he liked to move fast, but the look Akira gave him then made it totally worth going slow. Finally Ryuji was so close that their lips were almost touching, he could feel Akira’s breath on his lips, could almost taste Akira on him. Akira removed those last millimetres of distance between them and planted his soft warm lips on Ryuji. Ryuji moved closer until his body was completely pressed against Akira, he could feel Akira’s thigh pressed against his groin and he groaned into the sensation that he had missed so badly. Akira still had his arms crossed around him but let Ryuji slide his arms around him and pull him towards the bed. Akira liked being in control, but he also liked Ryuji to be a little bit rough with him. Ryuji shoved him down onto the bed with a little more force than he had expected, the bed hit the wall. They both froze and Akira’s eyes got wide and he got this huge dumb grin on his face. Ryuji could barely contain his embarrassment; he toppled on top of Akira as they both fell into a fit of giggles.   
“Quiet…” Akira whispered grabbing Ryuji’s face in his hands. “We have to be quiet…”   
Akira’s phone vibrated. He reached into his pocket and grabbed his phone.   
Futaba: Keep it down you sluts!   
They started busting up laughing again before finally Akira slid his hand up Ryuji’s chest reaching his hand to Ryuji’s cheek, running his thumb over Ryuji’s lips, looking at him with those soft eyes. The air around them had changed from dirty rough sex to what Ryuji secretly loved more. They moved and repositioned with a flow that Ryuji was sure could only have come from fighting alongside one another in the metaverse and constantly anticipating each other’s movements. Ryuji sat on the bed as Akira slid his hands up Ryuji’s chest, causing his eyes to flutter shut as Akira nuzzled into his neck.   
“H-hey… Akira?” Ryuji asked already feeling the heat rush to his face.   
“Hmm…” Akira said into his hair as he unbuttoned Ryuji’s pants.   
“Do-do you think…” Ryuji hesitated. “Maybe…”   
“Spit it out, Yuj…” Akira whispered to him.   
“I kinda wanna try...” He gulped down his nerves. “Can you…”   
“Be on top?” Akira asked smiling down at Ryuji and leaning in closer to him. “Do you want me to?”   
Ryuji blushed harder than he ever has before. “Y-yeah… I want to try it… at least once you know… just to know. Is that okay?  
Akira smiled and ran his hands through Ryuji’s hair. “Yeah… that’s okay.” He leaned down further, forcing Ryuji down onto the bed. Ryuji was so nervous he could feel his legs shake.   
Akira rubbed his fingers up Ryuji’s chest. “You okay?”   
“Y-yeah… I’m just… heh, nervous I guess.” Ryuji whispered, still shaking.   
Akira leaned down and kissed Ryuji. “I’ll be careful… I got you babe.” He whispered to Ryuji. Ryuji could feel his nerves melt away slowly. Akira had an uncanny ability to calm Ryuji down.   
Akira stood up and grabbed a small bottle from his bag. He tossed it on the bed next to Ryuji and slid out of his own shirt. He climbed back onto the bed and pulled at Ryuji’s pants; they slid down easily, Akira’s less so seeing as his jeans were always skin tight. He crawled back onto the bed and slid down Ryuji’s boxer, slowly, inch by painful inch. It made Ryuji’s skin crawl with anticipation.   
Akira lubed up two of his fingers and lay down beside Ryuji. “Are you good?” Akira said quietly.   
“Y-yeah…” Ryuji said.   
Akira slid one finger in slowly. It didn’t really hurt, but it didn’t necessarily feel good right away. He slid another finger in; Ryuji took a sharp inhale in at the pressure. “God…” he began curving his fingers upwards, making Ryuji’s eyes roll back in his head.  
“Does it feel good?” Akira whispered. He kissed Ryuji’s shoulder and ran his free hand through his hair.   
“Heh… y-yeah… it does… it feels really good, Akira…” Ryuji breathed out. Akira kept curving his fingers and pushing down further into Ryuji. “G-god…”   
“Yeah?” Akira’s breathing was shaky as well. He slid a third finger in slowly.   
Ryuji could barely stand the pressure. It hurt, but only a little bit. Akira curved his fingers again. Ryuji grabbed Akira’s hand and stopped him. “S-“  
“Is this too much?” Akira looked almost concerned. He slid his fingers out causing Ryuji to groan again.   
“No… It’s just… I didn’t want to…y-yknow?” Ryuji leaned his head into Akira’s shoulder.   
“Yuj… you’re being so hot… I really want to…can I?” Akira leaned his head down and pushed their lips together.  
“Y-yeah…I want you to.” Ryuji was shaking again. Looking at Akira and how into it he was made him want it even more. “Just go slow… okay?”   
Akira smirked. “Yuj, you’ve been shoving your dick up me for like… over a year now… I think I know how to be gentle.”   
“Shuddap!” Ryuji shoved Akira and leaned into him. “I… I trust you.”   
Akira smiled at him and kissed Ryuji again. He laid Ryuji back and positioned himself in between his thighs, tearing open a condom wrapper with his teeth. Ryuji grabbed at Akira’s arms, he felt so incredibly vulnerable, he was getting nervous again, and it must have shown on his face because Akira smiled at him again, that soft small grin that he knew Ryuji loved. Ryuji smiled back and grabbed Akira’s arms.   
Akira pressed onto Ryuji’s entrance, eliciting a groan out of him. He pushed in slowly; it was uncomfortable, and more than a little painful. Ryuji grabbed at Akira’s arms. He looked up, his eyes were closed and his mouth was open just a little bit. He was pushing in further and further and it was feeling better and better. Ryuji caught his breath and leaned his head back on the pillow. “God… damn…”   
Akira groaned and opened his eyes again. “Yuj, you feel so good. Christ… is this what it always feels like for you?”   
Ryuji let out a small chuckle while pulling Akira closer. “I… could say the same thing to you…f-fuck…”   
Akira groaned and started moving faster. It felt good, god, it felt so good. He reached down and slid his own hand around his dick.   
Akira moaned and leaned down further to kiss Ryuji. He grabbed Ryuji’s hips and pulled himself deeper into Ryuji.   
Ryuji could feel his eyes blur as the surprise of orgasm crept up on him. He felt the hot cum stripe up his hand and across his stomach, his eyes rolling back in his head. He heard Akira groan and he sped up for a couple more blissful moments before slowing down to a stop. He dropped his head to Ryuji’s chest who was still panting below him. He weakly wrapped his arms around Akira.   
After they stayed like that for a while together Akira slid off of Ryuji and ran to his bag throwing Ryuji a small towel to clean himself up with. He slid back into bed next to Ryuji and nuzzled into his neck. “What did you think?” He whispered to Ryuji after a minute.   
It took Ryuji a second to register that Akira had said anything. “That was… really good. What about you? Did you like topping?”   
“I definitely liked it… a lot. It was really hot having you underneath me like that.” Akira put his hand on Ryuji’s chest and snuggled in closer. “I love you, Yuj… so effin’ much.”   
“Me too, babe… so effin much. I always will. You know that, right?” Ryuji wrapped his arm around Akira.   
Akira was silent for a moment. “Yeah I know… I’ll always love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember to use condoms kids.


	26. The Final Golden Week pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains talks of depression and suicidal thoughts.

Their final golden week was going by quickly. Everyone hung out with each other, trying to get as much Akira time in as they could. In past golden weeks, Ryuji had always felt a secret hint of wanting Akira all to himself, but he could see the good it was doing Akira, and that made sharing him better. They had dinner with Ryuji’s mom, who was all pride about Ryuji getting into University of Tokyo on a track scholarship, and Ryuji blushed fiercely at seeing his mother and boyfriend both beaming with pride at him. His mom continued to eye them awkwardly and give Ryuji little glances that he knew wondered if they were being safe.   
“So… Akira, are you looking forward to moving back to Tokyo?” Ryuji’s mother asked.   
Akira took a drink of water before answering. “I am, I miss all of my friends, and just the general bustle of the city.”   
“Have you decided what you’re going to study at University of Tokyo?”   
“Yes, I’m going to get a political science degree and then do law school after that.” He smiled and grabbed Ryuji’s leg under the table.   
“You are so driven, I think that you have a really good influence on Ryuji.” She smiled at Ryuji who could feel his cheeks begin to warm.   
“Well, he has a really good influence on me too.” Akira nudged Ryuji with his knee.   
“Where are you planning on living?”   
Ryuji coughed on the water he was drinking. He hadn’t even breached the topic with his mother that he was planning on moving out and living with Akira next year even though they had already signed their lease for their on campus apartment.  
Akira didn’t miss a beat, “I have an on campus apartment set up for next year, it will be nice to be close to school.”   
“Ryuji tells me that you spent all of last year in an attic above a café?”   
Akira nodded. “I did, it sounds bad when you say it, but it was actually really nice and comfortable.”   
“Yeah, and it was a perfect hang out spot for all of us because it was big.” Ryuji chimed in.   
Ms. Sakamato smiled at the boys sitting next to each other. “Well, Akira-kun… I think we owe you a great deal. I never thought Ryuji would run again, but I think you have really given him something special.”   
Akira smiled and looked to Ryuji. Ryuji blushed and looked down to his plate. He hated being fawned over, but he couldn’t deny that he loved seeing his mom proud of him again. They continued the evening before Akira let out a yawn and checked the time.   
“I uh… I should be getting back soon. I still have to pack everything.”   
“Oh, when do you leave?” Ms. Sakamato asked.   
Ryuji could almost visibly see the pressure build up inside Akira, but his composure was nearly flawless. “Tomorrow.”   
“Yeah, uh I’m gonna head back with him… don’t uh… expect me back tonight.” Ryuji said putting a hand to Akira’s shoulder.   
“Okay” She cleared her throat. “Akira, it’s always such a pleasure to see you.” She gave an awkward smile, that awkward smile when you know your son is going to go have sex with his boyfriend smile.   
Akira nodded and gave her a small bow as they headed out. He slid his hand into Ryuji’s as they walked down the stairs and to the train station. His fingers were cold in Ryuji’s perpetually hot hands. 

They lay in bed that night, Akira’s head resting on Ryuji’s chest as Ryuji ran fingers through velvet curls. Every time it was their last time for a while it always felt weirdly desperate and sad and always left both of them feeling something. Ryuji wondered which of them would break the silent afterglow that surrounded them when Akira cleared his throat.   
“Sometimes… I don’t think I’m going to make it until I get back here. Like I’m just going to fade away and disappear from the world.” He was trembling again and Ryuji could feel small drops of water fall to his chest.   
Ryuji bit his lip. He hated that this was how Akira felt about his existence; he nudged Akira up and sat up himself putting his hands on either side of Akira’s face, wiping away tears.   
“But what scares me more than that…” Akira hiccuped and sniffled. “Is that it’s not going to feel any better being here. What if… I just continue feeling like this until I fade away?”   
“Akira, listen to me,” Ryuji said. “I ain’t lettin’ that happen.” He wiped away at more tears falling down Akira’s face. “I ain’t lettin’ you disappear… do you hear me?”   
Akira let out a soft moan and smiled. “Yeah… I hear you.”

Saying goodbye was painful and scary for Ryuji. He was terrified of what Akira had said to him the night before. He had snuck away while Akira slept to talk to Morgana for a bit, because if anyone knew Akira as well as Ryuji, it was Morgana. He could tell that Morgana didn’t want to betray Akira and the secrets of his he was keeping, but he did tell Ryuji that things had gotten pretty bad over the winter, but that it seemed like he was coming out on the other side slowly. They had made a pact that they Morgana would keep Ryuji in the loop if things were getting really serious ever, which did give Ryuji a little comfort, but while he held Akira, who couldn’t even hold back the tears that were soaking Ryuji’s shirt in front of his friends like he was normally able to do, he felt completely and utterly helpless.   
“I love you so much…” Ryuji whispered. “Just a few more months, Akira... you can do it… I’m going to come see you again soon…” he would say anything to soothe the boy he would follow into the hellfire of his mind and back again.   
Akira composed himself and hugged his other friends who watched on with worried eyes and feigned smiles. They all said goodbye, saying they would see him soon. And as he disappeared Ryuji felt the sinking pit in his stomach reach further down that he thought was possible.


	27. Bliss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains time jumps. I tried to make the spacing obvious between.

The last few months until Akira could move back for good were hard, really hard. Ryuji came to visit once in that time because he felt too helpless listening to Akira cry every night and he thought maybe just a quick weekend together would at least sustain him, but it wasn’t an easy weekend.  
When he got off the train Akira was waiting for him, but had hollowness in his eyes that Ryuji had thought would dissipate once they were in each other’s arms again.  
His parents were even more awkward if possible than the last time; Akira told him it was because they had gotten into a really big fight about him moving back to Tokyo so quickly, even though he had gotten an amazing scholarship. They had eventually yielded when they realized that Akira could literally support himself so there was nothing they could really do to stop him from going.  
They spent a lot of the weekend Ryuji was there in more or less silence. They sat together on Akira’s floor and played video games, and occasionally Akira would lean over and nudge Ryuji or lay his head on Ryuji’s shoulder, but Akira was tired and fading. He seemed almost in a haze the entire weekend. And when Ryuji went back to the train station, Akira felt almost distance. He hugged him tight and they held each other there for a long time, but Akira still seemed to be in this weird haze. He didn’t cry, which Ryuji would have considered a good thing if there hadn’t been a void of emotion in its place.  
“I love you, Akira…” Ryuji whispered into his hair.  
Akira took a deep breath. “I love you.” Akira said back. “Only one more month.” 

In the final month of waiting, Akira’s mood went from desolate to a slow incline of excitement. It was such a great relief to see him in better spirits that Ryuji didn’t even notice the haze that still hid behind Akira’s eyes.  
Before Ryuji knew it, he was bouncing along the long winding road into Inaba with his best friends in tow as they were finally going to be reunited with Akira for good. They pulled into his driveway, Ann hanging up the phone quickly as they all piled out of the van and Akira was already racing out of the door to them. He wrapped his arms around Ann first, the first one out of the van before Ryuji was out of the passenger seat wrapping his arms around Akira’s back and lifting him up into an embrace. The laughter that slipped out of Akira warmed Ryuji to his core. Everyone was piled around Akira at this point and they were all laughing and holding onto him tight.  
They loaded up Akira’s things quickly, as there wasn’t a ton for them to pack up, he hugged his parents, and it was almost sincere, before he piled in with his friends and they began the journey back home. Akira was all smiles and laughter, cracking jokes and making little back-handed comments, before long they were back at Futaba’s house and exhausted. They all piled all around falling asleep wherever they could find room. The girls slept in Futaba’s room, and the boys all piled into the guest room. Yusuke slept quite comfortably on the floor with Ryuji and Akira tangled around each other, Morgana nestled right in between them.

After the first month of Akira returning they sat in Ryuji’s bedroom packing up boxes upon boxes of manga and his gaming console.  
“Dude, do you really need to bring all of this?” Akira taped up another box of manga books.  
“Hell yeah I need all of it, man. We want our place to be the hangout place, which means consoles and manga are a necessity.” Ryuji stuffed the last of his clothes into a suitcase. He felt Akira’s hands slide around his back and suddenly messy velvet curls were tickling at his neck and soft lips were kissing him. He felt that familiar pressure that he had not missed even through the gentle touching.  
“What are you thinkin’ about?” Ryuji asked.  
There was no answer right away, just a long sigh as a response. Ryuji turned and faced Akira, running his fingers through his hair.  
“I’m a little bit nervous…” Akira admitted finally.  
“For what?” Ryuji asked, already knowing what Akira was going to say next.  
Akira was clenching and unclenching his jaw. “I’m… I don’t want you to be mad or upset… I’m just nervous to live together a little bit. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to… I just…”  
“Dude, I’m nervous too.” Ryuji lied. “It’s a big step.”  
“It’s not even that, Yuj. I get that it’s a big step, and it’s one I want to take with you. It’s just…” the pressure of whatever Akira was holding in was almost tangible between them. “I’m… I’ve been…” Akira struggled to find words.  
“I know… you’ve been having a hard time lately. But it’s going to get better. I promise.” Ryuji pressed a kiss to Akira’s lips.  
He sighed and looked down as Ryuji pressed more kisses onto Akira’s cheeks and eyebrows and eyelids until finally Akira started laughing and wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s neck. “Okay! Okay! I give…” Akira said between laughter.  
Futaba and Sojiro helped Akira move his small amount of stuff in along with Ryuji’s mother as they carried up the last of the boxes. Sojiro clapped Akira on the back and crossed his arms. “This place is nice; it’s got a lot of charm, doesn’t it.”  
They all went out for dinner and then Sojiro and Futaba headed out followed by Ryuji’s mom who lingered for a few minutes extra. She bit at her lip just like Ryuji did when he was trying to hold it together before wrapping Ryuji into her arms.  
“I love you, Ryuji. You can always come home if you want a meal or if you just need anything.” Ryuji smiled at his mom, he knew what she meant, if he ever needed to come home. Finally they were alone, save for their black house cat-roommate.  
Ryuji and Akira looked at each other with giddy excitement before Akira finally ran his fingers through his hair. “Should we… start unpacking?”  
Ryuji snickered, walking over to Akira. He slid a hand around Akira’s small waist. “I can think of a better idea.” He whispered.  
Akira smiled and wrapped his arms around Ryuji’s neck. “Yeah okay…” Before they knew it they were tangled in each other, Akira practically purring underneath Ryuji, his legs wrapped around Ryuji’s torso. 

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************* 

It had been bliss, living with Ryuji, waking up next him, eating breakfast with him, snuggling on the couch reading books with his head in Ryuji’s lap. Flopping himself into Ryuji’s lap and running his fingers through Ryuji’s short black hair to without fail force Ryuji to drop whatever he’s doing. Akira had started wondering if Ryuji had been right and living together and being back in Tokyo again really would fix everything. But as the long summer stretched to an end, Akira could feel that familiar storm begin to slowly brew within him.  
It felt like how it always did, almost like a familiar comfort in the starts of his storm. He could feel the anxiety bubbling around him. He took an alternate route home from work one evening to visit his favorite backstreets doctor in the hopes that she would oblige him with a refill on her incredibly strong remedies.  
“You don’t look so good, kid… do you want to talk?” Tae asked him leaning back in her chair while Akira sat on her exam table and pulled at his shirt.  
“I’m just feeling really anxious about starting university… it’s a lot of pressure.” He lied. “And I’ve been having really bad insomnia because of the stress.”  
Tae looked at him with suspicious eyes. “Okay, Akira… we’ve had a specific relationship here. Where you let me test things out on you and I don’t ask too many questions, but I think I want to change our relationship a bit.”  
Akira bit at his lips, nervous of what Tae was going to suggest. “Okay…” he said looking towards the door.  
“Don’t freak out, I’m going to give you the medicine because I can tell that you are actually anxious, even if you’re not telling me the real reason why.” Tae crossed one leg over the other. “But, every time you need to come in for a refill, I’m going to require an exam.”  
Akira breathed a sigh of relief. “That seems easy enough.”  
Tae smiled and leaned in closer to Akira. “Okay, Akira… you agree then, to allow me to examine you in exchange for no questions asked medicine?”  
Akira nodded.  
“And I can trust you to not abuse said no questions asked medicine, correct?”  
Akira was still for a moment before nodding, more to himself than Tae. “Okay then…” she stood up and filled up two prescription bottles with her miracle drugs, handing them off to Akira. “Don’t make me regret this, kid.”  
“I won’t. Don’t worry.” He did mean it. He had been relatively truthful with her about his stress, just not as much about his reason for why he was stressed. He raced home, checking his phone every other second. Ryuji would still be in track practice for at least twenty more minutes. He burst through the door and almost instinctively felt himself skulking around their apartment trying to find the most opportune hiding spot for the bottles of pills that were burning a guilty hole in his backpack. He finally picked the perfect space, on the inside of a drawer held within a pair of tube socks.  
He heard the door open and felt a sharp pang of guilt as his cheeks got hotter sitting on the couch reading a book. He knew he should tell Ryuji about the pills, he didn’t even think Ryuji would think it was a big deal. He had offhandedly mentioned that he had to take sleeping pills sometimes to help him sleep and Ryuji didn’t seem to care then, although he hadn’t mentioned that it was almost every single night for almost two years straight. And he had tried telling Ryuji earlier before, but he just couldn’t seem to get the words out.  
“Hey babe.” Ryuji said dropping his bag and limping off to the bathroom.  
“Hey, you okay?” Akira asked following the limp with his eyes.  
“Yeah… just pushed it a little too hard. Imma have a bath.” He heard the bathwater start and felt the guilt so hot on his skin that it made his skin crawl and his stomach churn. “Akira?”  
He startled out of his thoughts. “What? Sorry?”  
Ryuji smiled that dirty, wicked grin that could only mean one thing. “I said, do you wanna join.”  
Akira smiled back and closed his book. He walked over to Ryuji and slid his fingers up Ryuji’s track shirt. “Obviously.” He followed Ryuji towards the bathroom, allowing his clothes to be clumsily removed. His eyes shifted over to the dresser that hid his secret. Ryuji’s hands were sliding up and down Akira’s chest and he took his mind off the drugs in his dresser and followed Ryuji into the steamy bathtub. He knew he should tell Ryuji about it, but he was anxious that it would take away this bliss, so he would keep it to himself, for a while longer at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh... guys... uploading these chapter is making me super nervous for the chapters to come. Just so everyone knows, it is starting to get darker. I plan on adding trigger warnings where I feel its necessary, but I do want to give a fair warning that things are getting darker.


	28. Pity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains drinking, alcohol abuse, some questionable consent, and toxic behavior.

The first few times Ryuji came home to Akira drunk were actually pretty cute. The first time he came home after track practice to find Akira and Ann sprawled out on the couch, a bottle of wine finished on the table. Akira scrambled up when Ryuji opened the door and threw himself into Ryuji’s arms. A welcomed embrace seeing as they had both been so busy with schoolwork and Ryuji’s track practice that they barely had time to even see each other, let alone get up to much of anything else.   
“Yuj!” he exclaimed. “Ann brought over wine and now I’m drunk!” He pushed his lips messily into Ryuji’s and Ryuji just laughed at them. That night they had experienced some of the best sex because Akira finally seemed to chill out enough to enjoy himself too, which had been a lacking thing. 

The next time they had all of the gang over one Saturday night and Akira had partaken in a little too much sake and was giggly and cuddly with Ryuji all night long, throwing himself into Ryuji’s lap and nuzzling into his neck the entire night. Ryuji hadn’t really thought much about the fact that Akira had gotten way drunker than anyone else by a long shot, because he was just relieved to see Akira enjoying himself again instead of being stuck in the countryside with his friends continuing on with their lives. 

The third and final time it was cute to Ryuji was when he came home from studying with Makoto at the library to find Akira snuggled up with Futaba and Yusuke as they all laughed at him for saying something funny while he was drunk off of Korean wine. He sprang up again once Ryuji got home and practically leapt into Ryuji’s arms.   
“Babe…” he whispered into Ryuji’s ear. “Can I top tonight?” he whispered it so quietly that it sent hot chills down him. And it was hot, it was incredibly hot. It wasn’t until later on that Futaba finally divulged that she and Yusuke hadn’t had any of the wine and Akira had just finished the whole bottle himself. After that he got concerned, and after that it wasn’t cute anymore. 

It was one in the morning and Akira still wasn’t home. His phone rang and he breathed a sigh of relief at Akira’s number on the screen.  
“Where the hell are you?” he answered, still groggy from the restless sleep he was having without Akira in the bed.   
“Umm… hey. Is this Ryuji Sakamoto?” An unfamiliar boy asked.   
Ryuji blinked and looked at the number. It read Akira’s name, but it wasn’t Akira. “Who the hell is this?”   
“I’m a friend of Kurusu… listen, he’s blacked out and you were the last number he called. Can you come get him? He doesn’t seem to remember where he lives.”   
Ryuji shot up in bed. “Is he okay?”   
“Y-yeah… I mean he’s fine. He just needs to get home and sleep it off.” The unfamiliar voice said.   
“I’m on my way.” Ryuji said slipping out of bed and throwing sweats and a t-shirt on. “Where are you?”   
He hung up the phone and grabbed his keys. “Ryuji…” the black cat said to him in the dark. “This is getting out of hand… we need to do something, right?”   
Ryuji didn’t respond. Of course it was getting out of hand, but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t betray Akira like that. He ran as fast as he could to the bar that he was told about. Akira was slumped over in a booth, his head on the table with a couple other guys on the other side of him.   
One brawny guy with sandy blonde hair looked up. “You Sakamato?” he asked.  
“Yeah…” Ryuji walked over.   
“Jin,” the boy said. “We’re in polysci together. Listen, I gotta get home, but we wanted to make sure someone was going to come for him.” The other two boys stood up and walked away.   
Ryuji sat down next to Akira. “Babe…” he whispered quietly.   
Akira perked up just a little at the sound of his voice and moved to put his arm around Ryuji, even in this drunken state it seemed they could still figure out each other’s movements. Ryuji reached his arm around Akira’s side and lifted him to his feet.   
They had to stop twice on the way home for Akira to vomit his guts out and when they finally reached the door of their apartment it was after three in the morning.   
“What the hell?” the cat said as Ryuji dragged Akira into the apartment. “Ryuji??” the cat yelled.   
Akira whimpered into Ryuji’s shoulder. “Not now, Mona.” Ryuji whispered back and carried Akira into the room. He peeled his disgusting clothes off and laid him down on his side with water and crackers next to him.   
Ryuji snuggled in next to Akira, angry-sad heat prickling at his eyes. Akira was shivering and sweaty.   
“You gonna throw up again?” Ryuji asked.  
Akira shook his head. “I’m sorry, Yuj.” His voice sounded cracked and dry.   
Ryuji didn’t respond. He didn’t know what to say, so instead he wrapped his arms around the black haired boy he’d still follow to the ends of the earth and shushed him to sleep. 

It didn’t happen again for a while after that; it seemed to Ryuji that Akira felt pretty guilty. The day after he had to rescue Akira, he cried and held onto Ryuji for a solid forty-five minutes and Ryuji, for the first time felt something for Akira he never had before. Pity.   
But eventually it did happen again. It was late, at least midnight and Akira burst through the door in late October stumbling into the couch and almost knocking over the lamp on his way in.   
“Jesus, Akira!” Ryuji stood up and grabbed his shoulders to steady him.   
Akira looked into Ryuji’s eyes and smiled at him. “Hey babe…” he whispered to Ryuji. He tore off his jacket while shoving his mouth onto Ryuji’s. He tasted gross, like sweat and vodka. Ryuji pulled away and sat Akira down on the couch walking into the kitchen, the black cat hot on his heels.   
“Ryuji…” the cat whispered as he filled up a cup of water. “What are we gonna do?”   
Ryuji bit at his lip and looked over at Akira, his head was slumped back on the couch. “I don’t know…” he whispered back to the cat walking back into the living room. “You need to drink this.” He sat the glass of water down next to Akira and sat down on the couch next to him. “Akira…”   
Suddenly Akira was in his lap. “Ryuji…” he pushed their lips together again. “Fuck me… please…”   
“Wh- Akira… no.” Akira was kissing up and down Ryuji’s neck. “Come on, Akira… you need to…”   
“Come on, babe… I want you so bad.” Akira was already unbuttoning Ryuji’s pants. How was he still so skilled with his hands when he was this trashed? “Please…”  
“Akira…” Ryuji got his hands to his arms and tried pushing him off, but Akira persistent and already trying to slide Ryuji’s pants off. “Akira… okay I said no!” he yelled shoving Akira harder than he had meant to and in his drunken state he tumbled to the ground.  
“What the fuck, Ryuji?” Akira yelled back scrambling to his feet.   
“You’re trashed! And you’re being an asshole! You’re fucking better than that Akira…”   
“What the hell is your problem?” Akira said standing up to. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Didn’t you want me to be carefree again? Didn’t you want Joker again?”   
“No, Akira! This is not what I want!” Ryuji yelled back.   
Akira stood there quietly for a second. “Fuck this…” he finally said and grabbed his coat. Ryuji grabbed his hand and pulled him back into him so quickly it actually made Akira gasp.   
“No!” Ryuji said. “You are not going to go back out there and get even more drunk and have to get peeled off the side of the road! Go the fuck to bed!”   
“Let go of me!” Akira yelled back. He struggled, but it was in vein. Ryuji was much stronger than Akira was now. He finally let up and slumped down to the floor.  
He pulled his knees to his chest and hid his head in his arms. Ryuji kneeled down next to him. “This has to stop, Akira… you can’t keep doing this to the person I love more than anyone else in the world.”  
Akira looked up at him with grey eyes. He nodded slowly and allowed Ryuji to help him back up. “Okay, Yuj… I’m sorry. God… I’m so fucking sorry…” he choked on tears as they poured down his face like a broken sink. “I keep messing up… I keep fucking everything up. I don’t even deserve you…”   
Ryuji was still angry, but he couldn’t help but pull Akira into him. He couldn’t think of anything to say, he couldn’t think of anything that would help Akira here. “Please just promise me, Akira… no more drinking… please.” He felt hot tears sting his face. “I c-can’t do… the drinking… please…”   
“I promise, Yuj… No more drinking.” Akira was still sobbing into Ryuji’s shirt.   
“I love you, Akira… so effin’ much.” Ryuji whispered into Akira’s hair.   
Akira quietly sobbed for another moment before he could finish their saying. “Me too, Yuj… s-so effin’ much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys... these chapters are so hard to write. But I just want to be true to the story line that I've created.


	29. Birthday

They were cohabiting, just a step above roommates at this point. Akira had been keeping his promise and hadn’t had a drink since that night in October, but there was still a thick tension that lay over the apartment. And everyone could feel it. Akira would stay at the library until late, and come home and slide into bed next to Ryuji. Sometimes he would just silently cry, and Ryuji would turn over and hold him tight against him until he fell asleep. Sometimes Akira wouldn’t even come to bed, but would grab his pillow and sleep on the couch. He always claimed the next morning that it was just because he had been up late studying and passed out on the couch, but they both knew that was just the lie Akira was feeding them.   
November came quickly and Akira’s mood got darker and darker. He would take long showers and come out all red eyed and puffy. He was also trapped in a weird, but familiar haze to Ryuji. Ryuji couldn’t quite pinpoint why it was familiar to him, what about it felt like he had experienced this haze before, but to a lesser degree.   
Akira’s nineteenth birthday was supposed to be a big dinner at leblanc with the whole gang, and as Ryuji and Akira got ready in silence, which was how they spent a good portion of their time now, Akira finally cleared his throat.   
Ryuji turned to look at him, god he was still so beautiful. “You look good, man.” Ryuji said putting a hand to Akira’s chest.   
Akira didn’t respond, he was staring down at the floor. “I don’t…” he cleared his throat again. “I don’t know if I can do this.”   
“What do you mean?” Ryuji asked.   
“I don’t know…” Akira bit at his lip. “I don’t know if I can go there and feign happy and pretend like I’m not miserable… right now.”   
“Akira, no ones asking you to pretend—“ Ryuji started.   
“Everyone’s asking me to pretend.” Akira interrupted. “Everyone wants Akira their fearless leader, and I don’t even know if that guy is still here anymore…”   
Ryuji cupped Akira’s face in his hands. “He’s still here, Akira. You just don’t see him anymore.” Ryuji didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he was saying the right thing, or hurting Akira even more. He wasn’t even remotely qualified to have such deep conversations, but who else could?   
Akira bit his lip and nuzzled himself into Ryuji’s neck. “I’m sorry I’m such a shit boyfriend… you can move back in with your mom if you want.”   
“You ain’t a shit boyfriend. And I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Akira.” Ryuji whispered wrapping his arms tightly around Akira. This was the longest contact they’d had in weeks and Ryuji couldn’t help but just soak it in. Soak in the smell of Akira’s shampoo right under his nose. Soak in the feeling of Akira pressed so tightly into him he felt like nothing could get to them. Akira said he had to use the bathroom and he’d be out in a second. So Ryuji waited, and when Akira came back out he seemed to have calmed down a bit and was ready to go.   
They rode the train in silence with each other, holding hands, but staring at the ground, and as they walked towards leblanc Akira stopped. “C’mon man.” Ryuji said.   
“Just a second.” Akira had stopped and was staring down, a hand to his face. This also looked vaguely familiar to Ryuji, and he realized why the second Akira looked up again and confidently opened the door to leblanc with a smile on his face. His friends all surrounding him. Ryuji stood back and watched, amazed at the slightly awful thing Akira had just seemed to perfectly execute. He had, metaphorically speaking, switched into a persona. He had literally held his face like he was switching masks in the metaverse and put on a happier persona of himself. It was a startling contrast and Ryuji couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable at the sight. But soon enough Akira had wrapped his arms around Ryuji and pulled him in closer. “Come on… join in on the fun.”   
They took the train back to University of Tokyo with Makoto and Haru, and Ann and Akira chatted away, all smiles, like he hadn’t been living in a hazy storm cloud for weeks on end. Morgana and Ryuji were sharing shocked and concern looks the entire train ride home. It was until they got back into the safety of their apartment that Akira took a deep breath and slumped back on the couch, clearly exhausted from the exertion of keeping up that persona.   
“Dude… you just…” Ryuji didn’t even know what to say. “You… straight up… persona’d back there...”   
“Yeah, what exactly was that, Akira?” Morgana asked.   
Akira’s eyes were closed, but he shrugged his shoulders. “I figured the only time I could ever really control things was in the metaverse when I had dozens of personas at my fingertips. So I just… put on a happier persona of me. The one everyone needs right now.”   
Ryuji knew he should be concerned, but he was really more impressed than anything else at this point. He couldn’t deny that he too had enjoyed happier persona Akira for a few hours. He sat down next to Akira and laced their fingers together. Akira sighed and slumped his head down on Ryuji’s shoulder.   
“Akira…” Ryuji started, but he didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say he was worried about him, he wanted to say everything was going to be alright, he wanted to say he was here to talk, that he loved him, that he’d never stop loving him, but he didn’t know how to say any of that in this moment. “Happy birthday.” He finally whispered into the black boys hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys it's got to get better before it gets worse.


	30. Numb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains prescription drug abuse, overdose, and implied attempted suicide.

The morning of the anniversary of Akira’s interrogation made Ryuji wake up with a bad taste in his mouth. He wasn’t sure if this was why Akira had been in such a bad mood, it seemed to be the case last year. Ryuji didn’t want to let him down. He turned over to snuggle into Akira’s hair, but he wasn’t there. Ryuji sat upright and threw the covers off him. He walked out into the living room. “Akira?” he called.   
“I’m here.” Akira said from the kitchen. He was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of hot coffee untouched next to him. “Got up early.” He gave a fake smile.   
“Jesus…” Ryuji breathed out in relief. “Sorry I just got nervous when I couldn’t find you.”   
“I’m fine, Ryuji.” Akira said. Ryuji was sure he didn’t mean it coldly, but it gave Ryuji goosebumps still.   
They both got ready for the day, classes still had to happen and Ryuji had a huge test that afternoon that he had been preparing for. He grabbed Akira and spun him around to face him before they walked out the door. “Hey… I know that today is a hard day for you… you gonna be okay?”   
Akira bit at his lip, but nodded. “I’m okay.” 

Ryuji went on with his day uneasily, he couldn’t just stop the day and stay in bed with Akira all day until the storm cloud had passed over, but Christ he wished he could. He sent him little texts throughout the day, and he got responses, they were one-worded responses, but that was enough to at least comfort Ryuji, which he was sure was Akira’s intention in responding at all.   
His test was long and exhausting; Ryuji didn’t get out of it until after six in the evening. His brain felt foggy as he slowly made his way back to the apartment. He stopped at a vending machine and grabbed himself a canned coffee, popping it open and chugging it down as he walked on. He pulled his legs up the stairs slowly; maybe he could take Akira out for dinner tonight, maybe that would help him get his mind off things. He finally reached the hallway to their apartment, and that’s when he heard it. At the end of the hall, he heard Morgana, yelling for Akira to wake up. He broke into a run and pulled at his door. It was locked. He fumbled with the key, cat claws frantic on the other end. “Ryuji! Ryuji!” the cat was screaming.   
He ripped the door open to find Akira lying motionless on the couch, an empty bottle of pills next to him. His eyes were open, but there was nothing behind them.   
“Akira! Akira!” he was breathing, but it was faint. Ryuji lifted Akira off the couch and carried him into the kitchen. He tried splashing water on him. “What did he take? What did he do?” he yelled towards the cat. Finally, Ryuji wet his own fingers and shoved them down Akira’s throat, causing him to gag and then vomit out liquid and tiny green pills. A lot of tiny green pills. Akira continued vomiting into the kitchen sink, being held up by Ryuji. “What are these?” Ryuji asked, his face wet with sweat, and to his surprise tears.   
“They’re… relax pills.” Morgana said looking down. “I think.”   
“What? Relax pills? What do you mean?” Ryuji then remembered the calming haze that tiny green pills would put you in for a couple of seconds as it took away your fear or rage. “You don’t mean the shit we took in the metaverse do you?”   
Morgana nodded.   
“Holy shit… you’ve gotta be kidding me. Bring me his phone.” Akira had stopped vomiting and had slumped into Ryuji’s arms. He was passed out Ryuji lowered himself to the ground and laid the black hair on his lap. Morgana ran back over with Akira’s phone in his mouth. Ryuji searched for a certain contact and held the phone up to his ear.   
“Takemi medical clinic,” a woman’s voice said.   
“You gave Akira those relax pills, right?” Ryuji said.   
The woman was silent on the other end. “I don’t discuss patients—“   
“He just took a shit load of them!” Ryuji cut her off. “I had to get him to vomit them all out and now he’s passed out!”   
“Damn it…” he heard the woman say on the other end. “Where is he now?”   
Ryuji gave her his address and waited, constantly checking Akira’s breathing and heart rate. He was alive, but Ryuji didn’t really know much beyond that.   
Ryuji was angry, he was angrier than he could ever remember being. “How long has he been taking these?” he yelled to the cat.   
Morgana looked down. “Since the interrogation.”   
Ryuji’s eyes widened. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?!”   
“I couldn’t!” the cat yelled back. “I couldn’t betray Akira like that! It had never been a big enough problem, and I thought he had stopped. I didn’t know he was still taking them now! I didn’t even know he still had any!”   
Ryuji softened, he was angry, but he knew what the cat was going through. He never wanted to betray Akira either, no one else had known about the drinking really when it was happening, or about how sad Akira truly was or how toxic he had become to be around. He wondered for the first time if he had done the right thing keeping Akira’s secret or if he had just ruined him. He looked to Morgana and could tell he was thinking the same thing.   
Tae showed up and opened the door to the scene. Ryuji was still sitting on the kitchen floor with Akira’s head in his lap. The cat was sitting on the counter, and the empty pill bottle was sitting on the couch in the living room, its contents now dissolving in the kitchen sink.   
“How many did he take?” Tae asked walked over. She re-positioned Akira and began shining her light in his eyes.  
“I don’t know… he threw up… umm… eight.”   
“Idiot kid,” she checked his pulse and his breathing. She pulled out a weird looking thing from her bag. It looked like a long tube with a syringe. “How long ago did he take them?”   
Ryuji looked to the cat. “Maybe forty-five minutes ago?” he responded. Ryuji relayed the message to Tae. She seemed lube up the other end of the tube.   
“You may want to leave for this.” She warned.   
“I ain’t goin’ anywhere.” Ryuji said angrily.   
She shrugged her shoulders and began inserting the long tube down Akira’s throat. It was awful, seeing him like this. But eventually it was over and Ryuji carried Akira to the bed upon Tae’s orders.   
“Are there anymore pills?” she asked him.   
“I don’t know… I didn’t give him the pills!” Ryuji yelled.   
Tae was silent for a moment. She stared at Ryuji for a long time. “I also prescribed him some sleeping pills. Do you have any idea where those are?”   
Ryuji and Morgana started tearing the room apart and eventually found the socks inside the dresser that contained a half-filled bottle of sleeping pills. Tae took them and put them in her bag.   
“He’s going to be okay, but I’ll need to monitor him for a while. Does he have any family you can call?”   
“I’m his family.” Ryuji said quietly.   
They all sat silently for a long time as Akira slept, Tae would check his vitals every now and again. Finally she spoke. “It’s not my job to refuse a patient if they’re in need. Akira needed the pills, he was clearly anxious about something, and he’s always been responsible, I didn’t think he would abuse them.”   
“I know…” Ryuji leaned his head back on the wall behind him. “It was the interrogation. Two years ago. You remember?”   
The woman nodded.   
“They beat him up and drugged him, and ruined him. And he couldn’t deal with it, but he had to. We had to keep going… you know… and he had to be our fearless leader. That’s what we all expected of him. It was too much… too much pressure I guess.”   
Finally Akira stirred at around midnight. He blinked his eyes groggily and tried swallowing a few times. “That’s probably going to hurt a bit.” Tae said. “I had to pump you stomach.” She leaned down and helped him drink water from a straw. “You took eight relax pills and overdosed. If it wasn’t for your friend here, you would have died.” She motioned towards Ryuji.   
Akira turned and looked at him; the look Akira gave Ryuji was the most sad and pathetic look Ryuji had ever seen.   
“Was your intention to kill yourself, Akira?” Tae asked.   
Akira sighed and looked up at the ceiling. He opened his mouth like he was going to talk, but no words came out. Ryuji was burning with angry heat and he had to leave the room. He couldn’t be in there, he was going to yell at Akira, and he knew that wasn’t the right thing to do.   
After a while Tae emerged, she was packing up her things.   
Ryuji jumped up. “Is he gonna be okay? Did he try to kill himself?”   
“He’s asking for you. He’s fine… you were smart and you saved his life.” She put a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder before opening the door and leaving.   
Ryuji took a deep breath and walked back into the bedroom. Akira was still staring up at the ceiling, but he looked over at Ryuji when he walked in. His face contorted and his eyes began to water. “Did you?” Ryuji finally asked.   
“Did I what?” Akira asked. His voice was hoarse and strained.   
“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Ryuji asked.  
“No!” Akira said leaning up before falling back down again. “No… I wasn’t trying to kill myself… at first.”   
“At first?!” Ryuji yelled. “What the hell does that mean?”  
“Ryuji!” The cat hissed. He was snuggled up on Akira’s legs.   
Ryuji sighed and came closer, sitting on the other side of the bed.  
“I could just feel the drug they put in me coursing through my veins and I was kind of… I don’t know, in a blind panic. I took four pills, and felt a little better, but I just… wanted… to feel numb. So I took a couple more, and then a couple more. I thought best case scenario I feel numb for a while and can make it through the next couple of days… worst case scenario I die. And honestly… the worst case didn’t really seem all that bad.”  
“For you maybe, the worst case didn’t seem all that bad Akira. But did you even consider me? Did you even think of what the worst case would look like for me? Coming home, seeing you slumped on the couch not sure if you were even alive?” Ryuji’s face was wet again with tears. “God damn it…” he slumped his head into his hands. There was some shuffling and suddenly a warm furry thing had snuggled into his lap.   
“We love you, Akira. More than you love you at this point. We don’t want to see you die.” Morgana said from Ryuji’s lap.   
“I’m… I’m sorry.” Akira whispered. “I’m sorry…”  
Ryuji turned and all but threw himself onto Akira, sobbing into Akira’s chest. The cat nestled himself right in between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. This was not easy to write or read. I wanted to say that I know Ryuji's reaction to Akira OD-ing was not the right reaction, and I had contemplated changing it after some constructive criticism on it, but I decided that to me this felt way more realistic. Ryuji is eighteen with zero training on how to deal with depression and suicide and he has been doing his best throughout this... but he is terrified and hurt. So I decided to leave it with him being less PC regarding his reaction towards Akira's OD because he is a human with flaws.


	31. Past the End

The deafening silence in the house in the month following Akira’s overdose was almost unbearable. They went from barely speaking to not speaking to each other at all. Every now and again Akira would look like he wanted to say something, but he never did. Every now and again Ryuji would gather the courage to say something, but his words seemed to get lost in the void, never actually make a sound. They would do homework in silence, they would eat dinner in silence, and they would watch TV and play video games together. But they didn’t speak to each other. They would sleep next to each other and Akira would turn at some point in the night and nuzzle himself into Ryuji and Ryuji would wrap his arms so tightly around Akira he was sure it hurt, but that was it. They wouldn’t speak, they would look at each other, and they just existed, just barely surviving in this deafening silence.  
Ryuji was reading a book on the couch when Akira finally spoke. He had been pacing the house awkwardly for what felt like hours at this point.  
“I think we should break up.” Akira said. The words clung onto the silence in the room.  
Ryuji snickered. He couldn’t help himself. “Yeah okay,” he said sarcastically.  
“I’m serious, Yuj.”  
Ryuji looked up to see Akira leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over him in a protective layer and his eyes were filled with tears.  
Ryuji closed his book and leaned forward. “Why?” he asked.  
“We’re… we’re not good for each other anymore.” Akira was looking at the ground.  
“Bullshit,” Ryuji said.  
Akira looked up at him. “What?”  
Ryuji stood up and walked closer, watching Akira try building his wall even higher. “That’s bullshit. If you wanna break up with me you better give me a better answer than we’re not good for each other.”  
“I don’t have to give you anything! I don’t want to do this anymore!” Akira yelled walking away from Ryuji and into the kitchen. Ryuji followed him in, not willing to give him the satisfaction of walking away.  
Akira leaned his hands on the counter and his head hung forward. Ryuji walked over and put his arms around Akira’s shaking shoulders and leaned his head against his back. “Akira… please… talk to me.”  
Akira shrugged out of Ryuji’s grip and turned around. “I can’t do this anymore, Ryuji. I don’t want to keep doing this anymore.” Akira’s voice was barely above a whisper. Ryuji wasn’t sure if Akira meant their relationship, or his very existence.  
“If you really want to break up with me, I can’t stop you.” Ryuji said stepping back, but only a small step, giving Akira the smallest amount of space. “But if you think that by breaking up with me you’re going to get rid of me… you’re wrong. Because you’re my best friend, Akira, I’d follow you anywhere.”  
“That’s the problem!” Akira finally exploded. “You will follow me anywhere. You’ll follow me into this never-ending storm that I’m stuck in.” He wrapped his arms around his chest again, trying to hold in the pressure. “I’m fucked up, Ryuji! And it’s not going to get better. This is it! And don’t think I don’t see how it brings you down! I’m extinguishing you with all my garbage. You’re so bright, you always have been. And I just keep dimming you because I just keep on hurting you. And I can’t keep doing that!” Akira was choking back sobs.  
“Akira, you fucking idiot.” Ryuji grabbed his face in his hands. “I love you. I’ve loved you since before I even knew I loved you. You’re my best friend, and my favorite person in the world. Even when you’re a shit person, even when you try to push me away, you’re always going to be my favorite person. Even if we’re not together, I’m always going to be here. Because I’m always going to be your right hand, I’m always going to be next to you! Until the end, Akira! Until the end… past the end… always.”  
Akira took a shaky breath in; he put his hands around the back of Ryuji’s neck and put their foreheads together. “I can’t ask you to do this…” Akira whispered. “I can’t ask you to stick by me through this.”  
“You don’t have to ask me… I’m always gonna stick by you Akira. And you may not be able to remember how important you are, but I’m going to keep reminding you for the rest of your damn life.”  
Akira leaned in closer to Ryuji, his breath warm on Ryuji’s lips, and Ryuji, just like he had done the first time he ever kissed this perfect storm of a human, closed the space between them, pressing his lips so hard against Akira’s. They didn’t separate until they were both breathless and Akira went right back in for more. 

After that Akira finally seemed to take a turn for the better, and one evening all of his friends and Sojiro sat gathered in their living room, Akira finally came clean. He told them about the drinking and toxic behavior, Futaba was muffling back tears when he told them all about his attempted overdose/suicide on the anniversary of his interrogation. Ryuji watched on with so much awe for this young man that had just gone through the ringer of shit as he held himself accountable. He apologized to his friends for letting them down and not letting them in and they were silent for a long time.  
“Were you worried we wouldn’t still love you?” Ann finally asked.  
Akira shook his head and took a shaky breath. “No, I think it was more the opposite. I knew that you would still love me through it, and I didn’t want to be a burden.”  
“Did you know about all of this?” Makoto asked Ryuji. Her voice was soft, not accusatory at all, but it burned Ryuji none the less.  
He cleared his throat and balled his fists. “Umm… yeah I did. And I should have said something, because it was…” he cleared his throat again. “It was obvious that something was wrong, like really wrong… but I just… didn’t want to betray the trust he put in me. So, I kept it all secret. I’m sorry.”  
“It’s not your fault,” Akira grabbed Ryuji’s leg.  
“So… what are you going to do now?” Sojiro asked, clearly trying hard to keep his voice even and calm.  
Akira rubbed his hands down his jeans. “I’m umm… I’m going to get some help. I think I probably need to rely on professional help at this point.”  
Everyone stayed together for a long time after that, sometimes they asked Akira questions, sometimes they all just sat in silence, and eventually they began to disperse. All giving Akira teary hugs. As Futaba hugged Akira, Sojiro leaned in and put his arms around Ryuji in a tight embrace, this was the first time ever that Sojiro had hugged him. “I’m sorry you had to go through this, Kid.” he whispered. “Thanks for saving him.” His voice caught just a little bit at the end, and Ryuji had to clench his jaw so hard to not break down right then and there.  
After everyone finally left Akira turned to Ryuji and Morgana seated on the couch. He sat down on the coffee table so he could face them. “I… I feel like you’ve put up with me for so long. I love you guys.”  
“We’re always gonna put up with you, man.” Ryuji said snagging Akira’s hand in his own. Akira stood up and pulled on Ryuji’s hand.  
“Can we talk, just the two of us?” he asked.  
Ryuji nodded and stood up with Akira, they walked silently around campus for a long time before Akira finally stopped. Ryuji turned to look at him and tears had filled the black haired boys’ eyes. “I’m… I’m so sorry for putting you through all of this.”  
“Akira—“  
“No listen,” Akira cut him off. “I’ve been horrible to you and you deserve so much better than what I’ve been giving you. I’m sorry about the drinking and the drunken rage. I’m sorry about putting you in a position that you had to be in back when you were a kid… I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself for that. I’m sorry you had to go through this with me. I’m sorry I hurt you like this.”  
Ryuji grabbed Akira and hugged him tight. “I love you, Akira… so effin’ much.” His voice trembled and he dropped his head into Akira’s shoulder.  
“Me too, Yuj… so effin much. Thank you…” his voice caught in his throat before he could continue. “Thank you for saving my life.”  
Ryuji began sobbing into Akira as well. And they stood like that for a long time, both sobbing in the middle of campus in the middle of the night holding each other.

************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Akira was anxious as he waited outside of the therapist’s office that Tae had recommended him. He hadn’t thought about the fact that going to a therapist meant having to unload all of the garbage inside his brain, some of which wasn’t even close to public knowledge. When a young man called him into his office and ushered him to a seat and sat across from him, a notepad in his lap he sat down uncomfortably and fiddled with his sweater.   
A long time seemed to pass and they hadn’t really gotten past Akira’s name.   
“Kurusu-kun, I understand if you’re not ready to speak much with me, but I did want to let you know that the hour is coming to a close.”   
Akira nodded and gulped down. “Umm… is there some sort of doctor patient confidentiality?”  
The man leaned back and nodded. “Yes, I don’t share what you say here with anyone else unless you have given permission for them to know.”   
“Okay…” Akira looked at the time. “Did you hear about… the Phantom Thieves at all?”   
The young man nodded. “Of course, they exposed that crooked politician didn’t they?”   
“Yeah… well…” Akira pulled at his shirt. “I was a part of the Phantom Thieves… I was actually the leader.” He looked at the therapist, who eyed him suspiciously, but said nothing. “And… I don’t know if it was the best thing that ever happened to me or if it ruined my life for good. But either way, it’s really fucking with me now…”   
The man clicked his pen a couple of times before the watch on his desk beeped. “Well… that’s all the time we have today, but let’s talk about this again next week.”   
Akira stood up and began to walk out, but he turned back again to the young man writing something quickly. “You… you can’t tell anyone…”   
“I won’t, that would go against the oath I took.” He said nodding to Akira.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oww my heart. The worst is pretty much over.


	32. Good Days and Bad Days

Things would be really good some days, with Akira almost having that signature spark in his eyes that had been absent for too long, but some days they would be really bad and Akira would look more hollow and desolate than before. Akira went to therapy once a week every week, and he had been put on anti-depressants. Ryuji had been incorrect in expecting he would suddenly feel happy, and was shocked to find Akira sobbing on the couch wrapped in blankets after school one evening. But he began to learn that the therapy and anti-depressants weren't going to just instantly make him better, Ryuji adjusted his expectations. Now, when he would come home to Akira taking a long nap or having a deep cry, he would just wrap himself around him and nuzzle into his hair to show him that he was still present.  
Ryuji went to Akira’s therapy session one time, upon Akira’s request, and it had been hard. He knew how awful it was for Akira, but hearing him describe the fears he had first hand, and hearing him talk about the hopelessness he had been holding in ate at Ryuji for days.  
“How am I supposed to go about my life like it never happened, when I can feel the drug they loaded me up with in my veins, when I can feel the fear of losing all my friends right before my eyes? It seems like everyone else has moved on and I’m the one that’s still just perpetually stuck in the past.” He asked one day wiping at his nose.  
His therapist looked to Ryuji then, “Do you ever feel like you’re still there?”  
Ryuji hesitated, “Sometimes, I can feel the burning of my flesh disintegrating into nothing. It’s so real it wakes me up at night or causes me to crumble to the ground in pain.”  
Akira looked at him with shock. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”  
Ryuji shrugged. “I don’t know, man…” he ran a hand through his hair. “I guess because I know you feel guilty about that happening and that it was the worst thing you’ve ever had to see happen… I just didn’t want to make you feel worse.” Ryuji’s cheeks got hot. “I never thought that by not telling you I was just making you feel worse and alienating you even more.”  
Akira bit at his lip and hung his head as his body began shaking. “I’ll never forget watching you disintegrate in front of me, thinking I’d never get to see you again…”  
Ryuji felt so helpless, he looked at the therapist, who sat watching the two of them. “Akira, what scared you the most about that moment?”

Akira ran his arm over his eyes, “That I had allowed all of my friends to be killed… that I’d never get to see Ryuji again…”  
“And did any of that happen in the end?” the therapist asked.  
Akira shook his head.  
“Do you think, when that feeling of fear and hopelessness overtakes you, you would be able to remind yourself that the outcome was not that. That your friends are happy and healthy and that Ryuji is still here with you?”  
Akira looked over to Ryuji; his eyes were so sad and needy. Ryuji just leaned forward and grabbed him, wrapping him up in his arms. They held onto each other as tight as possible as the clock on the therapists desk pinged.  
“Our time is up for today, Akira. Thank you, Ryuji for agreeing to come. You guys can take a few minutes if you need. I’ll be outside.” He stood up and walked out.  
They held onto each other for a few minutes before Akira finally removed himself from Ryuji’s shirt. “I’m sorry, Yuj. I’m sorry for having to put you through all this.” He wiped at his snot covered face some more.  
“Please don’t apologize, Akira… you have nothin’ to apologize for. You’re worth everything. I’m still here with you… I’m always going to be here with you.” Ryuji whispered. “I don’t… I don’t know what the best thing to say to you is. I don’t know if I’m makin’ things better or worse… you gotta tell me what to do. What I can do to help you.”  
Akira nodded and thought for a minute. “I’m not sure yet… I’ll think about it and tell you.” He gave a weak smile and they walked back home together. 

Track had started back up for the spring time, Ryuji had started out hesitant to leave Akira alone in the apartment, as they hadn’t really been apart at all since he overdosed, but he assured Ryuji that everything would be fine. And more often than not when Ryuji got home from practice there was someone else hanging around the house. Ann would come over and do homework. Futaba would come over and code things, Yusuke would come over and complain about the bad lighting. Someone always seemed to find a good excuse to come and spend time with Akira when he was alone, which made Ryuji feel a lot of relief, but he did notice that whenever his friends would leave Akira would slump into the couch in a sad and drained little heap. It was hard for him, he still tried to act like everything was great, he didn’t want to worry everyone more than he already had. But it took it out of him to act interested and happy when he wasn’t.  
“Why don’t you just tell them when you’re not in the mood for company or when you are feeling down?” Ryuji asked sitting behind Akira in the bath, washing his perfect porcelain skin.  
Akira had his knees to his chest, his chin resting on them. He let out a single short laugh. “Oh yeah, that’s gonna go well. I’ll just tell them all I’m feeling too depressed for anyone to see me and need to be alone… I bet they won’t be at all worried.”  
Ryuji reached his arms around Akira and pulled him backwards, causing water to splash out of the tub. “Hey!” Akira protested, but willingly leaned his head down on Ryuji’s chest as Ryuji ran small circles across Akira’s arms and torso.  
“I’m not saying that you have to say all that, smart ass. I’m just sayin’ you don’t gotta keep on pretending like you’re fine all the time when you’re around everyone else. You keep puttin’ on this brave face, but you don’t have to. Not around your friends, you know?” He leaned in closer and kissed at Akira’s ear.  
Akira let out a deep sigh. “It’s harder than it looks, to let your guard down. Even with my best friends… it’s hard to show weakness.” He snickered at himself. “How the mighty have fallen, right?”  
Ryuji nuzzled himself into Akira. “You’re allowed to have a hard time, you know? No one is expecting you to be perfect but you.” He whispered.  
“I know…” Akira said back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Depression is not easy to navigate and Ryuji definitely realized that anit-depressants and therapy weren't just miracle workers. Remember that there is no shame in getting help if you need it. Love you all.


	33. Track

“So, Ryuji… what’re you all about?” one of his track teammates asked.   
“Whaddya mean?” Ryuji asked.   
“What’s your major? What do ya do for fun? Do you have a girlfriend?”   
“What’s with all the questions?” Ryuji asked stretching out his bad leg.   
“I don’t know man… some of us were talking and it just kind of seems like you’re always alone. You never come hang out with us after practice or anything. So… what’re you all about?”   
Ryuji thought for a second, he had never really considered the possibility his college track mates would want to be his friends. He had never really thought that he needed more friends than the ones he already had. “Well… my major is sports therapy, I like playing video games and reading manga, and no girlfriend exactly… but…”   
“Sakamato!” the coach yelled. Ryuji felt a wave of relief as he ran to the coach. He wasn’t ashamed of Akira at all; he had gotten over the fact that he was most likely considered gay at this point, even though he still didn’t think he was.   
“What’s up, coach?” Ryuji asked.   
“You’re taking over as baton pass # 3 for next game.” The coach said writing something down on his clipboard.   
“Really? Alright! I won’t let you down coach!” he hollered. He ran back to the locker room to get all of his stuff together, he couldn’t wait to tell Akira.

Ryuji had been practicing longer and harder to try and prove that he was worth being in the first line up. They were all stretching after their first warm up jog, Ryuji taking extra care to stretch his bad leg.  
“What the hell is that kid doing over there?” he heard one person ask.   
“Yeah someone should tell him this is a private practice; he can’t just come over here like that.”   
The guys were all laughing as Ryuji stretched his legs.  
“You don’t think he’s here to try out? He probably couldn’t run a mile. He looks like a shaky wet dog.”   
“Haha! Dude you’re so right, like a skinny Chihuahua. Why the hell is he comin’ over here? I’m gonna say something.”   
Ryuji was good at ignoring their dumb chatter, but just then a hand touched his shoulder. He looked up and there was Akira. He was standing there, shaking and crossing his arms around him just trying to contain the pressure. Ryuji jerked up and faced him.   
“Hey… you okay?” he asked.  
Akira rubbed his arms together. “I’m sorry, this is so stupid…”   
He really was shaking, his whole body was trembling. Ryuji pulled them away from his teammates. “What’s wrong?” he whispered. He heard silent snickers behind him, and he had to force down the heat that was tempting to creep onto his cheeks.   
“I was alone and freaking out… and I couldn’t calm down… and Mona said I should come find you… god damn it… I’m so stupid…” Akira tried pushing away, but Ryuji held him close.   
“You’re fine…” he whispered. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately. Thank you for coming to find me.” He looked over to his other teammates who were all watching with amused faces. “Come here,” he grabbed Akira’s hand and pulled him towards his coach. He put his hands on Akira’s shoulders and left him a few steps behind so he could talk to his coach in semi-privacy. “Stay here.”  
Akira nodded and immediately wrapped his arms across his chest again when Ryuji left. Ryuji ran to his coach. “Hey uh… coach… can my…” he cleared his throat. The others weren’t in ear shot, but they were definitely curious about what was happening. “My boyfriend…wait out practice in the stands for me?”   
The coach looked towards Akira, who was looking down at his shoes. “He okay? He looks kinda… on edge.”   
“He’s… goin’ through some shit… look… I can’t really explain it—“  
“Just keep him out of our way.” The coach said going back to the others.   
Ryuji ran back to Akira and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the stand. “I’m—“  
“Don’t even say it, I’m glad you came. I’m glad you reached out.” Akira sat in the bleachers, his arms still crossed around him. “I’ve gotta go back. You gonna be okay here?”   
Akira smiled to him and nodded.   
Ryuji ran back to the field and continued on in practice. He ran extra hard knowing Akira’s eyes were on him.   
Ryuji grabbed his things from his locker quickly, wanting to make it back out to Akira.   
“Is that kid his brother or something?” he heard one guy whisper.   
“I don’t know man, they don’t look alike really.” The guy laughed. “Maybe it’s his boyfriend.”   
Ryuji rolled his eyes and walked out, he really didn’t care what these dumb jock heads thought about his relationship, and he felt that familiar stab of guilt for omitting it for as long as he had. He always tried to tell himself it was just because he didn’t care enough about these people to tell them, but the truth was he got embarrassed. He didn’t want people to know, even though he was proud of Akira and he loved Akira.   
“Sakamato-san!” One guy called running after him. He heard the others snickering behind him as he threw an arm around Ryuji’s shoulder. “Is that little wet dog out there your boyfriend?”  
Ryuji shoved his hand off him. “Yeah he is. You got a problem with that?” he squared up and managed to muster up all the gumption of his former phantom thief persona. It seemed to still do the trick because the guys backed up immediately.   
“Nah man, we were just wondering.” The guy mumbled while stepping aside.   
He finally made it to the bleachers and Akira smiled at him, he already seemed to be in a better mood, until analyzing Ryuji’s face in the way that only Akira could do.   
“Did I get you in trouble by coming here today?” he asked that contorted look on his face.   
“Nah man, it doesn’t matter anyways. C’mon… let’s go. I’m effin starvin’.” Ryuji tried to look as chill as he could.   
They walked back silently to their apartment but when they opened the door Akira turned and pulled Ryuji into him. “I’m sorry that I outed you today.” He whispered.   
“Akira, I don’t care… for real. Honestly, I’m sorry that it took you coming to my practice for me to tell them. It doesn’t matter; I don’t care what they think anyways.”   
Akira looked down, but nodded and smiled walking to the couch and slumping into his spot, wrapping himself into the blankets he spent most of his non school hours in. He had quit his part-time job when things got bad. He didn’t really need the money anymore anyways, and his scholarship covered the rent.   
“Do you ever wish you were dating a girl?” Akira asked as Ryuji rummaged around the kitchen trying to find some food to make them for dinner.   
Ryuji scoffed. “Come on, Akira… seriously?” Ryuji turned the rice cooker on and threw some veggies in the steamer.   
“I know, I know…” Akira grumbled from the couch. “I just mean that… it’d be easier.”   
Ryuji threw some beef into a pan and let it sear for a minute. He walked over to Akira and leaned his arms on either side of the sad lump that was his boyfriend. “If I was with a girl there’d be a hell of a lot I’d be missing, Akira” He shoved his lips onto Akira’s before walking back into the kitchen to tend to their dinner. Ryuji was lucky that he had gotten so used to fending for himself growing up, because he was actually a pretty decent cook, and without him Akira would probably starve to death.   
He dished up a couple of bowls for them and handed Akira one, who gave him a nod. Ryuji sat down next to him and turned on the TV. They ate and watched in silence. Akira grabbed Ryuji’s bowl and did the dishes, something he hadn’t done in a while.   
“Thanks babe,” Ryuji called after him leaning back on the couch. Akira slid back into his spot on the couch and snuggled into Ryuji. Having Akira this close these days was almost intoxicating. Their sex life had been… less then existent, to say the least, they hadn’t since October. It had been a long time, and Ryuji didn’t want to push at all. He could survive off of snuggling on the couch together and sleeping wrapped up in each other’s arms, occasionally Akira would be up for a hot and heavy make out, but he was so exhausted after just that, it usually ended there. Ryuji would do anything for Akira, including jacking off in the shower so he could get just a little bit of relief, especially since he knew this was what Akira needed right now. But Ryuji was eighteen, and he’d be lying if he said that any sort of physical touch from Akira wasn’t euphoric.   
“Yuj?” Akira asked.   
Ryuji leaned into Akira to show he was listening.   
“Do you ever miss how it used to be?” Akira asked.   
“Whaddya mean?” Ryuji asked. He figured Akira meant how they used to be before all of this happened.   
“You know… being a Phantom Thief?” Akira finally asked.   
Ryuji stopped and looked at Akira. “Yeah, I do. I miss feeling that kind of power; I miss feeling like I could change the world, like I was changing the world.”   
Akira sighed and leaned into Ryuji further, his curls tickling at Ryuji’s hair.   
“But, I wouldn’t trade it for what I have now. I don’t miss getting my ass kicked. I don’t miss the fear that went along with it. I’ll always love those memories though… do you?”   
Akira was silent for a long while. “I feel like it was the single most important thing I would ever do in my life. Like becoming a Phantom Thief is what I was meant for… and now it’s gone. And now I feel like the rest of my life is just sort of meaningless. Like I’m going through the motions, but they don’t really matter. I go to class, I come home, I get good grades… I’m trying not to let it get to me too much, but it’s still just there… this bleakness that has taken the place of what I felt when I was Joker.”   
Ryuji bit the inside of his mouth, these were the moments that he really wished he knew what to say, but was scared of making it worse.   
“But at the same time, I kind of feel like being a Phantom Thief… the things I had to go through… ruined my life.” Akira choked back tears.   
“I’m sorry…” Ryuji whispered into Akira’s hair. “Can I make it better?”   
Akira shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know… just be with me I guess. Just telling you this stuff helps me, instead of just internalizing it.”   
“Do you have a lot of homework tonight?” Ryuji asked.   
Akira shook his head. “I did it all in the library earlier.”   
Ryuji removed himself from Akira’s side. “I’m gonna go start us a bath then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryuji would definitely be missing a couple of key things if he were dating a girl. Akira is on the up you guys, but it doesn't happen over night.


	34. Until the end... past the end... always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was a long time coming guys, but here it is... the final chapter. I can't believe that we're finally here. This has been a journey and thank you guys so much for taking it with me. :) I hope you loved it as much as I loved writing it.

Akira: When are you gonna be home?  
Ryuji read the text as he threw his jacket on. He winced at the effort it took to do even that.  
Ryuji: OMW. Can you start a bath? I’m sore as fuck.

Ryuji pulled his legs up every step, the effort causing him to sweat. He finally made it to their apartment. He opened the door. “Hey babe…” he said without really looking up. He dropped his bag and started heading towards the bathtub which was already running.  
“Hey…” he heard Akira’s voice. “Do you… can I join you?”  
Ryuji looked up then and noticed how clean their apartment was, and noticed the smell of curry on the stove, and noticed the table set and ready for dinner, with candles lit. “Holy shit…” Ryuji breathed out.  
Akira smiled nervously at Ryuji. “Do you uh… do you like it?”  
Ryuji pulled Akira into him, even though he was sweaty and smelled after track practice. “You shittin’ me man? Do you even have to ask?”  
Akira smiled, it was a weak smile, but it still contained that signature Akira warmth that Ryuji had missed, he slid his long fingers down Ryuji’s torso and Ryuji’s eyes fluttered shut.  
“Should we eat first?” Ryuji asked. “It smells good.”  
“We can have a bath first; the dinner is ready whenever we want it.” Akira pushed Ryuji gently towards the bathroom. He seamlessly slid Ryuji out of his track uniform all while planting kisses down Ryuji’s neck and shoulders. Ryuji was already hard, really hard. He paused and pushed Akira away a little bit.  
“S-sorry… I uh…” Ryuji shied away from Akira’s view. But Akira’s arms were wrapped around him in an instant.  
“Come here,” Akira whispered. “Please… I want to see you.”  
Ryuji could barely contain his feelings. He turned into Akira and wrapped him in his arms so quickly, groaning at the sensation of having him pressed up against him.  
Akira smiled that soft small smile that Ryuji had fallen in love with what felt like ages ago. He slid out of his pants and shirt and walked into the bathroom. The water shut off and Akira emerged again, slipping off his underwear then sliding his fingers into the waistband of Ryuji’s underwear and slid them down.  
The bathwater was hot and Ryuji groaned at the painful relief his sore muscles felt. “Hey… where’s Mona?” He realized suddenly that the furry cat was nowhere to be seen.  
Akira got red almost immediately. “Oh… he’s staying with Futaba tonight. I just wanted us to have a private evening together.”  
Ryuji could feel the heat creep up his body, reaching his face as well. Akira grabbed at the bath sponge and leaned Ryuji forward a little bit. “Can I?” Akira asked.  
“Yeah, of course.” The feeling of Akira running his fingers all over Ryuji’s back, the feeling of him so close. Close like this, like they used to be… before all the shit happened, it actually made Ryuji have to bite back tears that pricked at his eyes. It felt so good.  
They dried off, Akira’s eyes constantly on Ryuji. They met eyes for a long moment, and the intimacy in Akira’s gaze made Ryuji feel hazy and warm. They were dressed for comfort in loose sweats and baggy t-shirts while Akira dished up the curry. Akira eyed Ryuji as he shoveled some curry into his mouth. Only to almost choke on how spicy it was. He gulped down some water.  
“Christ, Akira… you tryin’ to kill me?” Ryuji asked.  
Akira got this smug little shit-eating grin on his face that made Ryuji’s stomach do flips.  
Dinner was over, and the dishes were done, and Ryuji didn’t want to assume at what was coming next, but he had already had to readjust himself just to hide his boner in the soft sweats he was wearing. They were sitting on the couch playing a game together, Akira completely annihilating Ryuji. Ryuji threw his hands up in the air. “Damn it! Even with your dumpster fire of a brain you still kick my ass!”  
Akira jolted and stared at Ryuji, and Ryuji covered his mouth. He was just about to apologize before Akira burst into huge fits of laughter. Whooping laughter that had him doubled over on the couch. Ryuji started laughing too and before they knew it they were both on the floor riding out the high of laughter with each other.  
Akira finally sobered enough to wipe his eyes. “Fuck, Ryuji… that was…” he started laughing all over again, which made Ryuji just laugh even harder.  
Their laughter fizzled out and Akira looked at Ryuji as they both lay on the floor next to each other. He slid himself closer and laced their fingers together, his other hand sliding around Ryuji’s neck, pressing their lips together. Ryuji put his free hand around Akira’s back and pulled him in closer, he was almost embarrassed at how quickly he was melting in to Akira, groaning into the closeness of their bodies. Akira slid himself up and gave Ryuji a little crinkled smile. He stood up and offered Ryuji his hand, which Ryuji took immediately. They were tangled up in each other as they walked into bedroom, Akira sliding his hands up and down Ryuji’s torso, his fingers slipping underneath Ryuji’s shirt and tingling at his skin.  
Akira pushed Ryuji down onto the bed softly and slid himself into his lap in the same motion. Ryuji pawed at Akira’s shirt, getting it up over his head. Akira shook his head out of his shirt, causing those velvet curls to sway just a bit. God, he was so perfect, he was still the most beautiful person Ryuji had ever seen. “Akira…” Ryuji breathed into his hair as Akira slid Ryuji’s pants down, dropping to his knees while doing so. His movements were perfectly calculated to appear completely seamless, it shocked Ryuji that Akira could still possess so much of his perfect agility that he had when they were traversing palaces in the metaverse. He felt a whimper catch in his throat the second Akira had his mouth around him, he grabbed at his perfect curls, holding on for dear life. “Akira… don’t…” he started to tug lightly on Akira’s hair. He didn’t want to cum yet, he wanted this to last, but Akira didn’t let up, and before he knew it Ryuji was cumming in hard, hot spurts inside Akira’s mouth. He watched as Akira swallowed and gave him this brilliant smile climbing back up into the bed.  
Ryuji was breathless after the release. “Dude...” he said. “What the eff man… I didn’t want to get off that quickly. But Christ… the Akira Specialty is still fucking amazing.”  
Akira laughed and dropped his head onto Ryuji’s chest. “Don’t call it that!” he yelled, but he was smiling. “Don’t worry, we’re nowhere near done. I have a feeling you’ve probably got at least one more round left in you.”  
Akira wasn’t wrong of course, with the amount of time Ryuji had been waiting for this he was sure he could probably get off a few times. He flipped Akira onto his back and kissed him, Akira was hard too, he moaned into the pressure of Ryuji laying on him. “Will you finger me?” he asked.  
“Hell yeah,” Ryuji whispered pulling Akira’s pants down and flinging them off the bed. He reached over to his nightstand and pulled the all but forgotten lube out of the drawer. He lubed up his fingers and slid one in, relishing in the muffled sound Akira made. He slid another in almost immediately and Akira pushed down onto him, his hands were in his own hair and over his mouth, but Ryuji hadn’t gotten the reaction he was looking for. He slid a third finger in; Akira inhaled sharply and was giving Ryuji those high breathy moans that Ryuji loved so fucking much. He pushed in further and curved his fingers in.  
“Please!” Akira begged for release and Ryuji would be fucking damned if he wasn’t going to deliver. He slid his fingers out and re-positioned himself, sliding into Akira with a groan and shuddering at the tightness and pressure. Akira’s eyes practically rolled back in his head. “Oh… god… god… fuck…” he was already moaning into Ryuji’s movements, Ryuji only thrusting in harder and deeper. He would push him to the brink and then slow back down again, Akira’s eyes snapping to his with demanding neediness. But Ryuji was persistent; he wanted Akira to feel this for days afterwards. He slowed down to almost a stop. “Ryuji!” Akira half-demanded half-begged. Ryuji thrust in faster again bringing Akira’s hips to him as he pushed in deeper. He could feel the bubble of a second orgasm coming, he pushed into Akira harder and faster, reaching a hand up and wrapping it around Akira’s dick, which was greeted with more swearing through breathy moans. And before Ryuji knew it his hand was being covered in stripes of white hot cum. The sound of Akira crying out in pleasure was enough to send Ryuji trailing right after him.  
He slumped down onto Akira, who was still breathy and shaking. Ryuji reached up and ran Akira’s sweaty hair through his fingers and kissed at Akira’s salty neck and up his cheek before finally reaching his lips again. He felt Akira’s arms wrap around his neck as Akira opened his eyes and looked at Ryuji.  
“Ryuji… I love you so much.” Akira whispered. “Always have always will.”  
“Me too babe.” Ryuji whispered back putting their foreheads together.  
Akira sighed and pulled Ryuji in closer. “I missed that more than I realized…”  
Ryuji snorted out a laugh. “Me too.”  
Akira let out a laugh as well. “I’m sorry… I know that… it hasn’t been easy for you.”  
“No apologizing, Akira.” Ryuji put his hand to Akira’s mouth before wrapping his arms around Akira’s small waist and flipping them around so Akira was now on top of him.  
Akira ran his fingers through Ryuji’s sweaty hair. “My uh… my therapist said that I needed to rip off the band-aid and have sex with you.”  
Ryuji snorted out a laugh. “Hmm… remind me to thank your therapist. You… did want to though, right?”  
“Yeah, of course. I was just nervous about it… I mean it had been so long. And the last time was… well… I don’t know, I guess I was just scared that after everything it wouldn’t be good anymore or something.”  
Ryuji chuckled and pulled Akira closer to him. “Akira… you are literally the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen and you are hot as fuck and know all of the things that literally drive me crazy. If you want it, there is no way that I won’t love it.”  
Akira blushed and looked down at Ryuji. “You wanna go again, don’t you?” he pulled at Ryuji’s hair.  
“What the hell do you think?” Ryuji said pulling Akira further into him. 

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Ryuji's breath was hot on Akira's back as they were wrapped up in each other's arms. "Mmm," Ryuji hummed against Akira's back.  
Akira pulled Ryuji's arms tighter around his torso.  
"I love you Akira," Ryuji whispered, his words slurring together as sleep started to take him. "So effin' much."  
Akira felt so warm in that moment, he felt like nothing bad had happened and they were just two boys in love, fighting side by side. Two best friends taking on the world together. Akira felt so much warmth he felt like his heart could burst. "I love you too, Yuj... so effin' much." he laced his fingers with Ryuji's and closed his eyes, breathing in sync with the boy that he had fallen in love with so long ago. The boy he had thought had to be made of magic as he raced after a silver car and glistened in the rain. The boy who's place was by his side.

Things wouldn't always feel this good, and Akira knew that things weren’t really better. The storm clouds inside of him were still swirling, and he didn’t know if he would ever feel completely normal again, he honestly didn’t know what normal felt like at this point. But in those moments, wrapped up in Ryuji’s arms, he felt like he was going to be okay. He knew that this feeling wouldn’t last forever, that he may wake up tomorrow in a dark grey cloud. But he knew that he could weather the storms and he knew that he wouldn’t be doing it alone. Because their souls had found each other, and their souls would always be together. Until the end... past the end... always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... it feels really bittersweet ending it here, but I think that this is the ending guys... it feels like the ending to me. I may write a few extra scenes that will just be added over time, but this is the ending.
> 
> I'm also going to shamelessly self-promote and tell you all that I have an original story that I'm writing on tapas (under the same name MessusMinnow) and if any of you really enjoyed my writing and want to check out another full story I've created with characters and a world created by me I would definitely appreciate it. :)


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